**Partner (M40) masturbates all hours and wakes me (f35) up**

[Bathmonkey]

Partner (M40) masturbates all hours and wakes me (f35) up
So we moved in together a few months ago and I slept really badly because I was being woken up in the night and early in the morning by partner playing with himself. I asked if he wanted more sex, which he says he doesn't. I do want more (2-3 times a week isn't enough) but I get exhausted easily (health condition) and can struggle with pain so want to have sex before 10pm which is when I'm too tired as we have to get up early for work the next day. He doesn't like morning sex (when I have more energy) because then he's too tired for work. On the nights that we don't have sex he waits until I'm asleep (probably snoring) and masturbates which wakes me. When I stir (stop snoring or move) he stops and waits and looks over his shoulder to check I'm asleep. This cycle can carry on for a good hour or so, stopping and starting. It got so disruptive to my sleep that I moved out to another room. I miss my partner. I miss sex. I feel like we're drifting apart. I now knock when I go to hug him in the mornings as I don't want to walk in on him having his private time. He acts really sheepish if I don't knock. Is this something that I just have to live with?

@kkloo you seem very I knowledgeable about male sexuality.

Cumming releases oxytocin and this can make men really drowsy. Not always the best start to a day if you need to be up briskly.

@kkloo

I'm so saddened by the words used to describe masturbation here.
Disgusting
Revolting
Sick
Vile
Weird
Repulsive

Waking your partner up is not at all acceptable but the language used here is a real insight into what women feel about masturbation age sexuality.

Masturbation is normal and healthy and a very good way to relax and self soothe. It releases whole host of beneficial hormones.

Doing it in a manner that is disturbing others sleep is not ok but the language used here makes it clear that many women find the mere thought of a man masturbating to be something abhorrent

No that doesn't make it clear.
You're just assigning your own meaning to it and running with that.

Huh? Your reply doesn't make sense regarding my post. What doesn't make what clear? What are you on about?

It's just this that's an issue

But it's a big issue. A sandwich with a tiny bit of shit in it is still a sandwich with shit in it, and also should be left.

And he almost certainly hasn't stopped looking at IG women. I don't know why you think he would listen and respect you about that when he won't even go to the bathroom for a wank and let you sleep. He just hides it better now.

How am I being bizarre. I corrected a couple of people who misread the post and thought the bloke was too tired when the op said it was she who was too tired

I also pointed out how weird MN are about masturbation.

That you think either of these responses is weird says more about you than me.

Your response to this is still pretty passive op. He knows that he's taking the piss , you shouldn't need to tell a person to not wake you up and push you out of your own sleep space.

Also , just because this one is not as bad as previous partners it doesn't mean he's a good man.

its so bloody depressing reading the lows so many women will put up with. - indeed so. Every day when I come on Mumsnet I wonder where women's self-respect has gone.

Well here's a nice little bit of misandry

How revolting. You deserve so much better. Work on your self respect. My very first LTB and do so ASAP.

You literally said " but the language used here makes it clear that many women find the mere thought of a man masturbating to be something abhorrent"

I said that no that doesn't make it clear.
You're seeing the language and assigning meaning to it.

That's what I'm on about it.

Hope that helps!

Can’t you just buy an whopping great dildo OP and crack on with it each morning, waking him when he’s having his lie-in?

I bet he likes it no more than you do …

I didn't say that. I said nobody needs to wank THAT MUCH in a relationship, and he's also turning down sex with her in favour of wanking then wanking off next to her for hours at a time while she sleeps. Yes, that's very wrong. Especially when he's doing it in the bed beside her, that's just adding insult to injury.

I know!! He's lived alone for so long and it was fine then but he needs to understand I have teenage sons! One pre teen and one adult. I made it clear it was disgusting! He stopped. I mean I don't check his phone but he looks less suspicious when I walk into the room

No and we met by accident. Were together for a long time before we moved in together.
I'm moving back into our bedroom tonight and if it doesn't stop I will tell him to leave the bedroom and sleep somewhere else because I need rest

I think it's a bit excessive to call this man abusive no?

when did she say he’s watching porn

thats even worse

It is

Your children are living in a house with a man obsessed with wanking? That would be a nope from me. This is something he does. This is something he will continue to do. It is not normal.
Want more for yourself. This is not a house to raise children in. So put their needs in front of yours. It's that simple.

She didn't say porn specifically but that he was looking at instagram girls in bed next to her....and that he was sitting in the front room looking at pictures of women......even though she has kids.

Men do have to wank though, their bodies are different.

Possibly but there are certainly some red flags.
He's only been living there for 6 months but he's already been told he has to stop looking at pictures of women while he's sitting in the front room.

Whether he's abusive or not, the effects can still often be the same and lots of women will come out of these relationships fairly traumatised about those kinds of things.

It's pretty abnormal to be sitting there in the front room looking at pics of women....even though she has kids in the house. Imagine he caught her just sitting there all the time perving over pictures of hot men while his kids were around. And then lying in bed next to him looking at pictures of hot men with gym bods.

That behaviour can be incredibly damaging.

WTAF….having one off the wrist is natural but in them circumstances no way would I put up with that …your self esteem must be bad after having to suffer him jerking off 🤢……no no no creepy

That's revolting.

@User135644 what am I even reading. Men don't 'need' to wank any more than women do. Men and women both enjoy masturbating and that's normal.

He sounds disgusting

This is not normal. It sounds like a porn addiction. You can leave, a loving partner does not behave like this. You should be his priority, not in the spare room because he'd rather be watching porn and wanking. Ick.