Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cannot get over husband wearing women's lingerie.

208 replies

Chezielou · 09/04/2024 15:49

Ok so long story shortened... This happened months ago, not been able to get over it, should we split up?

Caught husband months ago wearing my sexy lingerie this was a complete shock as he is a 'manly man'. He said he's done it a couple of times but he's done with it, will never do it again. Few weeks later found him in his garage at 3am surrounded with mirrors and playing with anal toys. He had been going in his garage in the middle of the night for weeks on end at this point.

We had a lengthy chat and he said that was it, never again, he threw out all the 'stuff' and hasn't been going in his garage other than for 'normal' garage stuff.

But I just can't get it out of my head, I can't get over it all. It's changed the way I view him. Last night I told him it was over and he was devastated (we have two children together and have been together for nearly 11 years). He's been crying today saying he doesn't know what to do if he hasn't got his family he's really broken, I've never seen him cry before.

Any advice welcome, AIBU?!

OP posts:
Naunet · 27/02/2025 13:38

Wow, some dude got triggered by this thread last night! 😂

PriscillaQueen · 27/02/2025 15:43

RobinEllacotStrike · 27/02/2025 08:25

What’s AGP?

"Autogynephilia is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought or image of himself as female. Autogynephilia explains the desire for sex reassignment of some male-to-female (MTF) transsexuals. It can be conceptualized as both a paraphilia and a sexual orientation. The concept of autogynephilia provides an alternative to the traditional model of transsexualism that emphasizes gender identity. Autogynephilia helps explain mid-life MTF gender transition, progression from transvestism to transsexualism, the prevalence of other paraphilias among MTF transsexuals, and late development of sexual interest in male partners."

psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-19367-006

Thanks but I just don’t really understand any of that 😂 I must be sheltered. I appreciate your taking the time to reply to me though.

Naunet · 27/02/2025 16:25

PriscillaQueen · 27/02/2025 15:43

Thanks but I just don’t really understand any of that 😂 I must be sheltered. I appreciate your taking the time to reply to me though.

Show quote history

Put simply, APG = A man who gets turned on over imagining himself as a woman, and expresses this by dressing in women's outfits, often over-sexulised outfits.

Christl78 · 27/02/2025 16:37

Chezielou · 09/04/2024 15:49

Ok so long story shortened... This happened months ago, not been able to get over it, should we split up?

Caught husband months ago wearing my sexy lingerie this was a complete shock as he is a 'manly man'. He said he's done it a couple of times but he's done with it, will never do it again. Few weeks later found him in his garage at 3am surrounded with mirrors and playing with anal toys. He had been going in his garage in the middle of the night for weeks on end at this point.

We had a lengthy chat and he said that was it, never again, he threw out all the 'stuff' and hasn't been going in his garage other than for 'normal' garage stuff.

But I just can't get it out of my head, I can't get over it all. It's changed the way I view him. Last night I told him it was over and he was devastated (we have two children together and have been together for nearly 11 years). He's been crying today saying he doesn't know what to do if he hasn't got his family he's really broken, I've never seen him cry before.

Any advice welcome, AIBU?!

Question: would you be keen to experiment with all this with him?

Christl78 · 27/02/2025 16:59

danitheastrologer · 13/04/2024 11:45

Why do people keep say that he isn't wrong? He married a woman without giving her any kind of heads up about what he was 'in to' and then he made kids with her and now he sneaks off at night and watches himself shoving anal plugs up his bum whilst his family (including young kids) are sleeping? This man is a gross lying old pervert. He should feel ashamed of himself for behaving like this within a marriage. He obviously has no self control, I would divorce him immediately and I wouldn't be leaving him I supervised with my children either. Who knows what other deviant things he is in to.

I am going to agree with this. Having a kink is ok. However, not disclosing this to your long term partner and wife is actually deception and abuse. You effectively withdraw from them the option to choose whether they can live with it or not. I would be livid tbh.

ViciousCurrentBun · 27/02/2025 17:07

He would just be out if this was my relationship.

If women really don’t mind then that’s grand for them but no way do you have to put up with it.

ladymammalade · 27/02/2025 17:22

ViciousCurrentBun · 27/02/2025 17:07

He would just be out if this was my relationship.

If women really don’t mind then that’s grand for them but no way do you have to put up with it.

He is out, this is an old thread.

lowerkey · 25/08/2025 21:38

So not sure if this is helpful. Obviously his interests could go many different ways but I can see a scenario where he would prefer a power exchange with you. Where he is still a "manly man" most of the time but there is also a dynamic where he is submissive to you but in a good way. Like you say you are going out with your friends and he has to wear panties and clean the entire house. So this could all still be about him loving you and fulfilling his fantasies within the marriage. You lock him up in a chastity cage while you are out of the house. You tie him down to the bed face down, go out with your friends and use whatever on him when you get back. I get it these things are out of the norm but maybe his outlet is that he secretly wishes he could be submissive to you??

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread