He took all my washing out the basket and just washed his own.. feeling really annoyed after everything I do for him

[sarahkelly932]

I am really annoyed this morning. I have just moved in with my fiance and we haven't had the most smoothest road to get here but seem to be good at the moment. Anyway, the last few weeks I have been cooking dinners for him, making sure he has lunch, doing the washing etc, hoovering. The washing built up a few days ago and he took the basket away and I felt guilty but I made a joke (we are quite jokey so it was not passive aggressive) and said do my washing bitch :P - and he replied no I am going to take yours out and only do my own and we laughed. I cooked dinner asked him to clean up but he 'forgot' so I just ended up doing it - I left one frying pan for him and asked him to do it and he said he will when he wants too and sat on the sofa so the house was smelling of oil. When I woke up the next morning it was still there, so I just washed it.

Last night he had to fill the water filter up and huffs and sulks because it was sort of empty? I mean just do it stop moaning.

Anyway, I went to get the washing this morning and was folding it all up nicely and started to realise.... it was all HIS washing. He literally took all of my washing out and done his own - I don't know why but I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach - partly because I would never be so selfish to do that and put him before myself sometimes. I have given him endless support with things that I won't go into detail with - I am starting to think he is just a pig... or it was punishment for not doing the washing...

Stop cooking and cleaning for him then

Trust me, you don't want to be one the skivvy. I am that person now and I am kicking myself.

It's petty behaviour

To be honest if you are getting riled over shit like this after an already 'non smooth' start I would reconsider getting married.

Yeah he sees you as less than him

Fortunately this also means you never do his washing again

If you've just moved in together you really need a proper and not jokey conversation about expectations and division of labour. It's going to go sour quickly if you don't.

Know your place man. It's pretty obvious how he sees the gender roles, you're being trained up nicely.

Start as you mean to go on. Either stop doing shit for him and then have a chat, or move back out and just live separately.

I'd seriously rethink the relationship, this is supposed to be the good bit, it's only going to get worse.

Move back out. Go back to where you used to live.

You've just described a flatshare situation, not a romantic relationship.

You are his unpaid home help.

At least you moved in together before you got married, so now know this is how it is in the honeymoon phase let alone later on. Imagine having a child and how he will treat you.

It’s good you are seeing this before you have children or get married.
You can make an informed decision as to whether or not you want to continue the relationship with a man who clearly does not value you.

@gamerchick He does see gender roles as they once were, but at the moment because I am out of work right now and in between changing jobs, he does pay all the bills, so understandably I do not mind cooking cleaning RIGHT NOW until I go back to work if he is financially providing - but to take my washing out and only do your own? Like wtf?

This relationship is going down the pan and taking your peace of mind with it.

Move right back out again, dont marry him, and don't keep seeing him.

Absolutely this. And then a really serious talk if you still want to marry him. I would reconsider that too. Fuck being married to someone that petty.

@HellonHeels funny thing is, he says I AM not the peaceful one.. when I have never had this before in any relationship and I am 29

I hope you tossed all his folded laundry in a heap on his side of the bed.

That is spiteful and selfish and I would be glad I found out now. This would end it for me. He went out of his way to inconvenience you.

Honestly please consider moving out and ending the relationship. I speak from experience!! He doesn't see you as an equal. You should be bending over backwards to support eachother at this stage, this is only going to get worse.

I’d not put up with this bs. I’d be out of there asap.

Why are you doing all the cooking and cleaning???

We actually have our own separate laundry baskets which isn’t for everyone but works well for us. We each do our own about once a week - works for us.

'I have been cooking dinners for him, making sure he has lunch, doing the washing etc'

Why? Only date fully functional, intelligent, feminist men. You're degrading yourself by serving this man. Move back out and just date him, or pick a better man.
If you choose to marry him you know exactly what you're signing up for and it will be awful.

If this is how he is behaving when you have only just started living together it is likely to get worse not better. Is this what you want?

Just do the same, wash your things and leave his, maybe he prefers to do his own, so that's OK.

Ugh leave him. It will only get worse

Running a home does not mean picking up after another adult OP. The fact he's doing the big man job and punishing you over petty things should be your glimpse into the future. Job or no job.

Have a chat. Discuss what's fair and keep some things seperate so there doesn't need to be another transition.

You probably should get a job sharpish though. He doesn't sound like a prince among men.

@user1471538283 thanks - this is what my gut says. It was really spiteful and something I would never do to the person I love. I know its only washing, but its just really nasty in my opinion. I am sitting here thinking was it because I made that joke about doing my washing, but either way, he went out of his way to do that, after everything I am doing I am kind of stunned, and trying to find out WHY