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He took all my washing out the basket and just washed his own.. feeling really annoyed after everything I do for him

224 replies

sarahkelly932 · 05/04/2024 14:47

I am really annoyed this morning. I have just moved in with my fiance and we haven't had the most smoothest road to get here but seem to be good at the moment. Anyway, the last few weeks I have been cooking dinners for him, making sure he has lunch, doing the washing etc, hoovering. The washing built up a few days ago and he took the basket away and I felt guilty but I made a joke (we are quite jokey so it was not passive aggressive) and said do my washing bitch :P - and he replied no I am going to take yours out and only do my own and we laughed. I cooked dinner asked him to clean up but he 'forgot' so I just ended up doing it - I left one frying pan for him and asked him to do it and he said he will when he wants too and sat on the sofa so the house was smelling of oil. When I woke up the next morning it was still there, so I just washed it.

Last night he had to fill the water filter up and huffs and sulks because it was sort of empty? I mean just do it stop moaning.

Anyway, I went to get the washing this morning and was folding it all up nicely and started to realise.... it was all HIS washing. He literally took all of my washing out and done his own - I don't know why but I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach - partly because I would never be so selfish to do that and put him before myself sometimes. I have given him endless support with things that I won't go into detail with - I am starting to think he is just a pig... or it was punishment for not doing the washing...

OP posts:
SamW98 · 05/04/2024 15:43

Presumably he was perfectly capable of household chores and making sure he ate lunch before you moved in so why is he suddenly incapable?

Hes shown you he sees you as a cook cleaner and general arse wiper who is beneath him in his own pecking order. Why the fuck did you move in with a druggy loser in first place?

EpicPineapple · 05/04/2024 15:49

I don’t see this man every making you happy OP, and would strongly recommend you don’t marry him.

My reasons are:

  • He’s spiteful and petty
  • He’s passive aggressive
  • He’s lying and trying to gaslight you already
  • He thinks the fact he pays the bills means he can treat you like crap. That’s a dangerous thing. This is supposed to be the man who loves you. He shouldn’t be trying to upset you.

There are many unpleasant men in the world who think they can trade money for unlimited sex/cooking/cleaning and have no need to be kind, loving, honest or even polite. You seem to have found one of them. There ARE far better men than this around.

I’m so sorry 😢

Datafan55 · 05/04/2024 15:49

@sarahkelly932
well my new job I will be working from home - so he will expect the same things as i am 'home all day' so... not sure if that is fair or not.
How can you even ask?

I think he would like a SAHM but in no means would he give me free reign of finances either..
So you either become a SAHM with all the drudgery and no control over the finances, or end it.

P.S Finances and chores should be shared.

newyearsresolurion · 05/04/2024 15:52

He's lazy, abusive,addicted to weed. Don't get stuck in this it only gets worse

Spectre8 · 05/04/2024 15:54

I'd have already packed my bags and left the ring on the table and walked out.

LifeExperience · 05/04/2024 15:54

He is NOT marriage material, and if your relationship is this difficult now, it will only get worse in the future.

Italianita · 05/04/2024 15:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

endofthelinefinally · 05/04/2024 15:55

End it now and be glad you have had a lucky escape.

QueenBitch666 · 05/04/2024 15:56

Get rid. And less of the animal slurs 🙄

makeanddo · 05/04/2024 16:01

I am really confused why when young people move in together the women automatically starts doing all the cooking, cleaning etc? It's 2024! Surely one of the first conversations is right let's divvy up chores.

I honestly cannot believe you are making his lunch etc. Just why?

One of the objectives of living in is to see if you are compatible ie to check you aren't living with a man child, which you are btw.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2024 16:02

You're so young and it's crying shame you've already wasted so much of your youth on him. Come on now, you have got to want better for yourself.

AmaryllisChorus · 05/04/2024 16:03

Please don't marry a man like this. Please move out soon and go off and enjoy your life, set a higher standard and be free to meet a proper grown up man who respects you and pulls his weight.

Isthisexpected · 05/04/2024 16:03

Beamur · 05/04/2024 14:51

If you've just moved in together you really need a proper and not jokey conversation about expectations and division of labour. It's going to go sour quickly if you don't.

Absolutely. Schedule a time to sit down and review how it's not working for you and what you both need to have a fair and harmonious household.

Ladyprehensile · 05/04/2024 16:04

*Don’t get pregnant with this disrespectful selfish passive aggressive plonker. You will have a terrible unsupported pregnancy & post maternity time.

Move out and move on. He just thinks of you as a household appliance. Stuff that!

frenchfancy81 · 05/04/2024 16:05

So tonight you cook your own dinner and not his and explain why- if he doesn't already get it. Stop doing anything for him if that's his attitude- only way to make your point clear, it seems.

Ponderingwindow · 05/04/2024 16:10

Grow some ovaries and dump this caveman. You are only 29. Go find a man who believes in an egalitarian split of household responsibilities. You don’t want a man like this raising your children.

beatrix1234 · 05/04/2024 16:13

@sarahkelly932 Anyway, the last few weeks I have been cooking dinners for him, making sure he has lunch, doing the washing etc, hoovering..

Big. Fat. Mistake

CHEESEY13 · 05/04/2024 16:17

You have only just moved in and this is how things have started? No, no, no!

He sounds mean, peevish, lazy and has some definite Caveman traits. Did he invite you to move in with him because his Ma said "I won't always be here to look after you Sonny, so why not go and find........." You can guess the rest.

beatrix1234 · 05/04/2024 16:18

Why did you become this guys cleaning lady/cook/maid for free? Did he asked you to? Why are you doing this to yourself?

TinySmol · 05/04/2024 16:20

I would move out.
This won't get any better - only worse.

PotatoPudding · 05/04/2024 16:25

This is a blessing in disguise. You only have to do your own laundry!

Just do a cooking and cleaning rota for you both to follow. Job’s a good’un.

Gastropod · 05/04/2024 16:25

Billydessert · 05/04/2024 15:07

Listen to your gut, don't worry about the whys.
He is showing you who he is and what to expect from him.

This, x100. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them!

BingoMarieHeeler · 05/04/2024 16:29

we haven't had the most smoothest road to get here but seem to be good at the moment.

Jesus what a bleak foundation for a marriage.

ArtyWren · 05/04/2024 16:30

sarahkelly932 · 05/04/2024 14:53

@gamerchick He does see gender roles as they once were, but at the moment because I am out of work right now and in between changing jobs, he does pay all the bills, so understandably I do not mind cooking cleaning RIGHT NOW until I go back to work if he is financially providing - but to take my washing out and only do your own? Like wtf?

He’s going to carry on treating you like shit, even once you do start working. And just wait when you have children, with this man. He will treat you a lot worse. Because you will bare the full physical and mental load of child rearing, house keeping, and looking after this man child-24/7, for years. He is showing you your future through his actions

Namechange666 · 05/04/2024 16:31

He wouldn't be my fiancé for much longer that's for sure. If he is that petty about washing when you've done everything else.