He took all my washing out the basket and just washed his own.. feeling really annoyed after everything I do for him

[sarahkelly932]

I am really annoyed this morning. I have just moved in with my fiance and we haven't had the most smoothest road to get here but seem to be good at the moment. Anyway, the last few weeks I have been cooking dinners for him, making sure he has lunch, doing the washing etc, hoovering. The washing built up a few days ago and he took the basket away and I felt guilty but I made a joke (we are quite jokey so it was not passive aggressive) and said do my washing bitch :P - and he replied no I am going to take yours out and only do my own and we laughed. I cooked dinner asked him to clean up but he 'forgot' so I just ended up doing it - I left one frying pan for him and asked him to do it and he said he will when he wants too and sat on the sofa so the house was smelling of oil. When I woke up the next morning it was still there, so I just washed it.

Last night he had to fill the water filter up and huffs and sulks because it was sort of empty? I mean just do it stop moaning.

Anyway, I went to get the washing this morning and was folding it all up nicely and started to realise.... it was all HIS washing. He literally took all of my washing out and done his own - I don't know why but I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach - partly because I would never be so selfish to do that and put him before myself sometimes. I have given him endless support with things that I won't go into detail with - I am starting to think he is just a pig... or it was punishment for not doing the washing...

You know exactly who this man is, and he's an arsehole. You'll have no one to blame but yourself if you're foolish enough to continue on in this relationship. It is absolutely doomed.

WOW - he's not even owning the fact he was an awful twat. This is a major red flag.

Get yourself a job ASAP and move out. Kick this guy to the kerb. Relationships should not be like this.

Get the new job, stop doing anything for him, save up, move back out.

What a wanker.

Oh dear OP every post you write gets worse and worse. Life is too short, get out now. Things WILL NOT get better.

Move right back out again and end the relationship.

Be thankful he showed his true colours before marriage or children.

It's seems SO unreasonable to me.

was there too much (or different types) for one load?

I separate out my washing a lot (darks/colours/whites/towels/bedding etc) .

If there genuinely isn't a reason beyond him just being petty, I'd bin him now.

Theres lots about your set up I don't really get (like the fry pan, why not just do it when you're washing up, asking someone to do just that one thing sounds weird)

but overall he sounds like he just wants a house keeper. I'd leave him & let him find one!!

Pretend it's a friend telling you this about her boyfriend/fiancé/whatever. What would you say?

Life is both very short and very long, OP.

Where’s the post saying he’s using drugs? I don’t see it. So he lied to you about the laundry being mixed. Not good. If you do WFH then yes maybe doing laundry can be accomplished during your WORK DAY. Be sure he realizes it is work and not to expect the wallpaper hung the dinner in the oven when he comes home. Kindly OP maybe a job outside the home would be better for you. Out of the house around other people building collegial relationships making your way. Something about your posts makes me think you are vulnerable and he may not be the right man for you. This can be easier to see if you are not isolated at home with only him

Yeah he is not even admitting taking all my stuff out lol.. not sure what to say when someone denies doing it?? @HateMyNewJobSoMuch

"Yeah he is not even admitting taking all my stuff out lol.. not sure what to say when someone denies doing it??"

You say BUH BYE.

Don’t marry this guy. He’s not a life partner. He petty, mean and spiteful. You will regret marrying him if you do.

You can advance search her username and see her other post about the scumbag.

OP will be knowingly, actively choosing a life of utter misery if she stays with this specimen.

Yeah, this is not going to end well. You've only just moved in. It should be "house honeymoon" at the moment, but instead you're learning what a spiteful, inconsiderate little twerp he is. At least he's showing you quickly.

It might turn out to be a stroke of luck that he has shown you how much disdain he has for you so early on. He has saved you a lot of wasted time in the long run by finding out he's expecting you to do all the housework now. Move out, move on and leave him to it, it's unlikely to get any better

Yes and yes. He’s a wanker.

OP, come on now. You have posted 3 threads about this good-for-nothing weed-smoking man - why are you still wasting your time on him? In one thread you refer to him as your husband already . Assuming he isn't yet, you would be insane to marry him.

Actions speak louder than words.
He's a self-centered and uncaring man.

You should be spending your time full-time job hunting, not playing the little wifey. If you were living by yourself you'd presumably qualify for benefits while you're in between jobs.

This isn’t a good start to your life together.

As you aren’t working I would expect you to do more, I wonder if that’s his problem? his pettiness is a huge red flag!

Imagine having kids with this man. It's only going to get worse. Honestly, you're 29, I totally get you. It's not about the laundry, it's about the bigger picture and a glimpse into what he expects your future to look like. Which it will. Dump him and just say it's not working for you. Don't mention the laundry. LTB.

You don't say anything. You walk away and you never ever look back.

At a future date you will look back and wonder why you put up with him for so long.

Sorry, you want to marry someone whose into 'gender roles'
That made up shit where women wait on men like unpaid slaves?
This one should have gone back in the bin the minute you learned he thinks having a vagina means he is entitled to you doing loads of shit for him.
Would you really want to have a son with someone who would teach that son he should expect women to clean up after him?
Chuck him back in the sea, and consider it a blessing you found out before marriage/babies!

Honestly, OP, you wouldn't see my arse for dust. I just had a look at my crystal ball, and it showed me what you would be writing on Mumsnet in - say - five years time. A sad little tale about how your H is hardly ever home, spends a great deal of the family income on weed, has treated you like dirt since the birth of your baby, does little to help around the house, and has never once tended to the baby's needs at night. Other members who like me have been haunting the Relationships board for years could probably predict further examples of his behaviour once he has the ring on your finger.

Do yourself a favour, OP, and get rid. So many of us on here know how this story ends.

It would have taken more time and effort to sort the washing into his and yours than it would to just do a 'wash'. Tbh I'd be moving back out

I doubt he will change when you go back to work. It will be as it is now. You have said that - he sees gender roles as they once were.

Plus if you get married, have a child... You'll be doing that too.
Cue you having to give up work/go part time as you can't manage work and home, your career suffering.
(Then - should you divorce, you being in financial trouble - as you see on these boards a lot).