He took all my washing out the basket and just washed his own.. feeling really annoyed after everything I do for him

[sarahkelly932]

I am really annoyed this morning. I have just moved in with my fiance and we haven't had the most smoothest road to get here but seem to be good at the moment. Anyway, the last few weeks I have been cooking dinners for him, making sure he has lunch, doing the washing etc, hoovering. The washing built up a few days ago and he took the basket away and I felt guilty but I made a joke (we are quite jokey so it was not passive aggressive) and said do my washing bitch :P - and he replied no I am going to take yours out and only do my own and we laughed. I cooked dinner asked him to clean up but he 'forgot' so I just ended up doing it - I left one frying pan for him and asked him to do it and he said he will when he wants too and sat on the sofa so the house was smelling of oil. When I woke up the next morning it was still there, so I just washed it.

Last night he had to fill the water filter up and huffs and sulks because it was sort of empty? I mean just do it stop moaning.

Anyway, I went to get the washing this morning and was folding it all up nicely and started to realise.... it was all HIS washing. He literally took all of my washing out and done his own - I don't know why but I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach - partly because I would never be so selfish to do that and put him before myself sometimes. I have given him endless support with things that I won't go into detail with - I am starting to think he is just a pig... or it was punishment for not doing the washing...

It definitely sounds like he views housework, cooking and cleaning as your job.

You need to make sure he is pitching in, if you've cooked he washes up, don't just do it if he doesn't. I guarantee he knows that if he leaves things you'll just do it for him, been there for years.

Once you're married it gets worse.

Run for the hills op. I never understand how men like this get girlfriends. These men never seem to have any redeeming features and actually seem to hate women. I would be scared to be around someone with such an awful attitude towards me as I would feel on edge and in danger constantly.

Fucking Hell! Dump his sorry ass.

Be careful here. Your setting yourself up for a fall. Stop doing everything in the house. Hes clearly perfectly capable of doing the jobs but now sees you as his skivvy to do the female jobs!

I can't be bought; i value kindness and compassion more than a pound note

Well said, OP!

But you know the saying, actions speak louder than words? How can you make your actions match these words?

I don't think you want to go down the petty route of separating things out. I know you said you're in love with a potential future him, but the current him doesn't seem ready for living with a partner, does he?

Can you move out?

Or at least, as a PP wisely suggested, make a plan to move out. Dare yourself to imagine a future without him in it. What would that feel like? And how would you get there?

omg

It's absolutely fine to change details to remain anonymous. Troll hunting is against the rules. Please report the OP instead of going through her posts trying to catch her out.

He sounds like a twat, but I think it’s possible he may have viewed the pile as 2 sets in that it’s his and yours. Also when you joked for him to do your washing it may have emphasised this. If you’ve not discussed this before he may have seen the job as requiring the items to be sorted before washing. His mum may have done this at home. A previous gf may have done this. He may have just assumed that’s how it’s done.

If he’s never done this before and always washed them together then you can assume it was a petty move to punish you for not knowing your place though. Twat.

Hello, all. Unfortunately we have some issues we'd like to iron out with the OP here, so we'll take this thread down in a moment while we do so.

It's still here?

I am stuck in a relationship like this, I did everything and got nothing back. It's draining, depressing and it slowly makes you resent your life and choices.

If you can, take some time away and really reflect on what you want. I guarantee no matter what way you say it, things will not change. I wish I didn't move in with my DP and waited, I am thankful we aren't married. But I feel stuck financially in our home.

A lot of the answers are quick to jump on and say leave, but if I were you I would because it only gets worse (speaking from experience). I would really urge you to think carefully about what you want from life and how you want to spend your time.

This man is telling you who he is, LISTEN!

The mature and self aware grown up version of him isn’t waiting around the corner. If you don’t want to parent a adult then this man isn’t for you, he isn’t a conversation away from not being a petty dick.

Run don’t walk.

OP

LEAVE HIM.

You know what this means. You know what this says about him. Don’t ignore it. It would be so ouch easier to ignore it but you will look back in 20 years and feel like a fool. Smile and leave. This isn’t a good man.

I made a joke (we are quite jokey so it was not passive aggressive) and said do my washing bitch :P

I'd have done my own and left yours too. Aside from that, stop doing all the cooking and cleaning.

This is such petty stuff. Don't bother getting married

This is your 'honeymoon' time, it won't get better. Move out asap

Maybe he's just so used to washing his own clothes , bang it in one load n job done. I know if my hubby tries to "help " me with washing, EVERY time I tell him it's wrong, coz not split colours properly or washed delicates on normal wash etc.... us women are particular about things so prob just thought it was easier to do his own. Also, I know it was said you have a jokey relationship, as do I, but sometimes, men get offended when we joke back, they are allowed to do banter with us, but if we do it back they take it seriously.

If they can't take it they shouldn't give it ...... but maybe this was his way of saying you cut deep n he didn't take it as a joke.
Communication is the key. Talk it over with him, explain your feelings over this and ask him his reasons. Yes, majority of men are still thinking like back in the day, they provide and we run the house, because that's how their fathers n fathers before that were.

On the other hand , just because your not working at the moment doesn't mean you do everything. Explain to him, work together. The more you do things together like chores, then the more time you can sit down in evening n relax and spend quality time together. Especially if you've managed to come out the other side of hard times, your obviously both willing to work at this relationship so it's meant to be. You can't just move out , as people are suggesting over the washing! Just talk it through with him.

FFS, well you seemed determined to sign up as his little brow beaten skivvy and set a shining example to your future children with this druggy. I’ll let you know now, there’s no medals for being the biggest martyr, so hush up and crack on washing his dirty pants. Or you could realise it’s 2024 and women do not exist on this earth to run around after men. Up to you.

You can't just move out

Yes she absolutely can.

You have the same hours in the day. Presumably you both work full time. He is using you as his domestic appliance.

You can't complain because you accepted the role.

It will change if you change it. Stop being his skivvy and have some self respect?

If you go ahead and marry him you’ll regret it. Save yourself, get out now

I'd be moving out and giving him his freedom back to boot. For gods sake don't marry or have kids with this guy.
This is not a relationship if he sees himself in charge and you are only there for shagging and being his skivvy.

You’ve had a lucky escape.
Now be pro active & take steps to remove yourself from this relationship. Sadly he is not ‘The One’.
Sorry OP.