I love him…but I don’t like him a lot of the time.

[Crayoningthesky]

I met a man on online dating about 3 years ago, both of us divorced with dc. We have our dc 50% of the time each and so tend to see each other when we don’t have our dc. My dc have met him several times and don’t like him very much.

He can be great.
But he can also be really difficult and negative and I think has become more like this the longer we’ve been together, to the point where I now dread seeing him or speaking to him as I don’t know if I’m going to get hours of how awful and hard his life is and how no one understands how hard everything is for him. He can become quite angry during those times too, not at me, just at everything I think. He can also be negative about his dc.
He seems to think it’s only him that ever has small problems or issues with ex partners / work / family. Most of the things are stuff we all deal with but they make him become very angry and ‘woe is me.’ He talks a lot about how he’s better than everyone else but no one recognises this and it makes his life very difficult - any perceived ‘failure’ is blamed on others not realising how great he is. I find that when he is in this state he doesn’t want any input from me, just to tell me about it and so I don’t say anything and sometimes that can go on for several hours.
I love him, but increasingly I find I can only do this at a distance. When I am with him it’s never how it has been in my head, it’s never how I imagine it to be.

Im not sure where to go from here. I doubt he will change but I do love him.

So you’re not going to leave him then? Despite the fact that you don’t like him, your kids don’t like him, you dread spending time with him and quite frankly, he sounds like an absolute cunt?

You sound as though you are wanting permission to dump this man, OP. You have it. Honestly. All these answers are telling you that this man will never turn into the loving, reliable long-term partner you really want. And all the time you are with him, hanging on to the memory of the fact that he can, if he wants to, be nice, you will never meet anyone better.

Make your excuses and get out.

Narcissists are often made, not born. They may well have experienced childhood trauma. A key feature of narcissism is a brain that has not matured sufficiently. Many people will describe narcissistic behaviour as being very immature and almost childlike. This line stood out for me: He describes himself as feeling emotions at a greater depth than other people

Doesn't that sort of cringey, teenage-angst-like statement just kill any adult sexual attraction you might feel for him? this is the kind of thing teenagers say and think while writing bad songs in their bedrooms about heartbreak at midnight in a dark room.

So strange - quite masochistic “should I stay with an aggressive dickhead I dread seeing and my kids hate?” Errr let me think about that one

Of all the weird posts on MN, this one takes top place (this week at least!).

I dislike the man I'm dating, my kids hate him so I don't let them see each other, he's rude to staff in restaurants, he's bullied my children, he shouts and gets angry all the time and I dread seeing him or speaking to him.

Should I stay with him? Yes or No?

I don't think you really understand what loving someone in the context of an adult relationship actually looks like because it's definitely not this! 💯

The bar is so low it’s barely there. Is he incredibly attractive? Even then…

I think I feel guilty about how he will manage as he always says he’s very lonely.

Red flags ahoy OP!!

Are you colour blind or something?

You sure seem to be making a lot of excuses for him. Maybe because you think you can change him or manage him (you can't).

You need to raise your bar big time. There's more to life than this shit.

He's manipulative!

No shit 😂Is that maybe because he's a nasty, bullying and abusive individual and nobody wants anything to do with him?!

Well then, I’d point out to him why that is. You must be a saint because I can’t think of many people who would put up with his appalling behaviour. I think my kids behaved better when they were 3.

But that's his problem. You can't be with him 24 hours a day, managing his 'loneliness' even if you married him!

He’ll manage fine.
He managed before he met you. He’ll manage after you let him go.

He can manage fine.
Any thoughts on the unanimous replies to your thread, all horrified at your choices?

So what if he's lonely????

What about you? Come on woman this is your life and you are wasting it on him.

I ask you again, what about you?

Bet his ex is relieved he’s off her hands!

I think I feel guilty about how he will manage as he always says he’s very lonely.
and this is more important than your kids? he sounds a vile bully, he's not sensitive, get him to fuck.

Nasty, abusive cunts tend to be lonely. That’s a them problem.

It doesn't sound like you love him at all. You love the idea of a man who doesn't exist and never has.

For fucks sake dump him OP. He's bringing absolutely nothing to your life, and you're expending emotional energy on him that you should be using on your kids.

I think this man is a habit that you need to give up OP!

Sorry OP but this is depressing

He adds nothing to your life. Get rid. You deserve better

He is abusive.

He is showing you who he really is.

Time to walk away.

You deserve better.

Exactly. You don't love him. You care about him. Like you would a child or a puppy.

But he's not your responsibility and I'm sorry to say, if this relationship continues he will bring you down and the more blatant controlling and abusive behaviour will start. Particularly if and when you move in together.

NO ONE should be in a romantic and sexual relationship because they feel SORRY for someone.

I really couldn't be doing with someone like that. I'd be on edge dreading their temper tantrums.

And I really don't understand why you love a personality like that either.