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Original poster

Not heard from him over Christmas. Am I a thing of convenience?

209 replies

dontcook · 25/12/2023 21:24

I've been going on dates with a man and we've been communicating a lot - daily texts throughout the days in between dates.
He planned to spend Christmas at his parents while I am spending Christmas on my own.
Since he got to his parents' house on Christmas Eve, he has gone silent.
He hasn't been texting me and I have also given him space except one text which I sent simply to wish him merry Christmas. He responded, simply saying Merry Christmas!

My mind is telling me that this is not a good sign as it feels the daily communication was happening because it was convenient for him not because he wants to feel connected to me, but I'm being cautious not to overthink it.
Christmas is a special time and the least people do is to let loved ones know they're in their thoughts even they are not together. I would have appreciated a text.

YABU He should not communicate at all since it is Christmas and he is with his family. He needs his time and space.

YANBU It would be nice to have a man who doesn't put me on the back burner just because he is with family and I should see this as a red flag.

OP posts:
wizzywig · 25/12/2023 21:25

He is married/ attached

Mrstwiddle · 25/12/2023 21:27

Would definitely be upset about this, it takes two seconds to send a text on Christmas Day, particularly as he knows you're on your own. I would be thinking seriously about giving up with this one.

Peepshowcreepshow · 25/12/2023 21:28

'Going on dates' suggests this is a very new thing.
The red flag for me would be a person who expects me to stop what I'm doing with family to text inane crap. It's been less than 48 hours, I don't think there's need to bin him over this.

WGACA · 25/12/2023 21:37

I’m thinking he might be married too…

littlebopeepp234 · 25/12/2023 21:38

He probably has some girlfriend who he has now gone to spend Xmas with. Can’t imagine why anyone who is just visiting their parents would just disappear of the radar and not make any contact at all!

KissTheRains · 25/12/2023 21:42

I forget where I read, but it seems relevant:

"If they want to contact you, they will find the time."

It takes 30seconds to text. There is nothing to do on Christmas day that means you can't spare 30 seconds every now and then to text. He isn't, he doesn't want to... Or he can't because he might get caught...

LuluBlakey1 · 25/12/2023 21:42

How long have you been going on dates with him and how often/regularly do you see him?

GiantPuffaJacket · 25/12/2023 21:44

I have had a similar experience.
hes definitely single.
but I’m realising I’m only being text when he’s in the mood to text and will go 24-48 hours often with no reply.
I think we must have different expectations as if we are to be serious about each other I’d prefer daily contact. Even if just good morning or good night.

SEG152 · 25/12/2023 21:45

This man is married/in a serious relationship.

Zanatdy · 25/12/2023 21:46

It’s a fairly new thing, not even a relationship. So no, he’s not necessarily being out of order. He’s probably super busy Christmas Day and Boxing Day

Wrongsideofpennines · 25/12/2023 21:46

I had this many years ago. Thought we were going somewhere and had actually been together but long distance for a few months. Then Christmas came and he just didn't communicate.
Turns out his family were trying to have a screen-free Christmas and he turned his phone off for the 3 days he was there but just failed to tell me until after the event. We've now been married 5 years. I wouldn't give up on him just yet.

FrostyMorn · 25/12/2023 21:48

Maybe he has parents who would feel offended at him being on his phone a lot? But I agree that a solitary Merry Christmas doesn't imply a lot of thought.

samestyle · 25/12/2023 21:52

I would give him benefit of the doubt, see if it picks up again after Christmas. Although I'd be slightly disappointed without a goodnight message which would take a second, but it's early days and perhaps he wants to give his relatives his full attention.

hotblacktea · 25/12/2023 21:55

texts mean so little to me, i wouldn't be bothered by this, in fact i would probably be the one texting every few days etc.

you obviously feel shit about it, so talk to him in person about it, as soon as you get a chance after christmas

see what was he thinking/not thinking and maybe also look at why do you feel the need for daily reassurance by text, call etc. (not saying it's a bad thing in itself); maybe nobody is wrong here, you might just be incompatible

good luck op

Anneta · 25/12/2023 21:56

It sounds from your post that you have not been texting him either as you wanted to give him space. Why don’t you send a longer text and see if he responds or ignores you?

Amara123 · 25/12/2023 21:57

Wouldn't worry at all!
He may be in the middle of a family drama or a busy family Christmas and time might have slipped away.
If it's early days don't worry.

strawberrysea · 25/12/2023 21:57

This has happened to me before. Turned out that he was engaged. We were in contact for nearly a year and I was absolutely devastated when I found out, mainly because I felt so bad for his fiancé. That was nearly six years ago now and I still think of it because I felt so guilty.

Don't be like me, find a way to ask him about it and be quite upfront so that he can't gaslight you in the future.

Original poster
dontcook · 25/12/2023 22:00

He's definitely not married. He is single and has a tight-knit family. I believe he is at his parents' house.
He works for himself and has been quite available to text me throughout the days, so I'm now thinking that the frequent communication was just part of what kept him occupied and got him through his day; it may not be about me/us. And soon as family time came along, he's focused his attention/ priority elsewhere and will be back to being communicative when he leaves their house.

We go on dates once a week. He would love to see more often if it were up to him but I've been take. My time as I really want to get to know him outside of a pressure cooker.
I should also mention that he knows that communication is important to me.
I don't know what to think honestly.

OP posts:
Redwinesalt · 25/12/2023 22:02

Jeez. If I was with family but quite liked a date I'd send a text

Quitelikeit · 25/12/2023 22:02

Hmm I think it’s literally been one day so you should chill out

pikkumyy77 · 25/12/2023 22:12

When my now husband, then boyfriend, was with family he couldn’t wait to phone me (prevtext) if ghey want you family doesn’t stop them from communicating.

blackpooolrock · 26/12/2023 11:48

I think its rude to be in company but then sit on your phone texting... Maybe his family doesn't know about you and hes playing it cool?

its been a day... chill out.

Megbryan · 26/12/2023 11:51

I don’t get it, he did send a text. He’s with his family who you describe as tight knit. In a nice way… relax Wine

ChristmasFluff · 26/12/2023 12:00

Nah. If someone wants to text you, they will text you - it's not like it's hard, he could literally do it from the toilet.

Come on, we all KNOW that when someone is keen, they naturally text you on Christmas Day - at least first and last thing - because you are on their mind. I have no idea why MN tends to be full of people describing it as 'needy' to expect a text from someone you are dating.

Out of sight, out of mind - he's just not that into you.

Livelifelaughter · 26/12/2023 12:09

So the point as I see it is that you are on your own. I think it's unkind of him. Last year I was dating a guy who called me once for a few minutes when no one was around over Christmas and didn't see me in 5 days...we had been dating 7 months. I felt shit, like a mistress...it showed how low priority I was. I had also had a recent bereavement.Sorry Christmas is busy but he should have a degree of empathy to your situation.