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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dp didn’t post me

219 replies

Lilas94 · 24/12/2023 10:21

Looking for some ops on this situation.

dp is very private with his personal life. He uses social media every day, mainly for work purposes, but his account has everyone he has ever known on there and even though it’s for business he posts himself all the time and clients etc.

we recently went on a Christmas Day out with the kids. I saw that he posted many videos from this day out, videos of the kids having fun, picture of himself with the kids, videos of some of the performers including one act where a man and woman were wrapped around eachother in a sensual way and he put the quote ‘this could be us’ when he posted it.

now, baring in mind I was there the entire time, there is not one little ounce of me in any of the videos or photos. He took photos of me with the dc but only uploaded his own with them. Some of the videos of the kids I was sitting right next to them but you can’t see that at all in the videos.

his excuse is always ‘private life is a happy life’ but the fact he’s posting the kids means he’s not ‘that’ private and he’s chosen to not include even a hair strand of mine in any of it. The quote about ‘this could be us’ even as a joke hints that he could be single imo.. If I saw another man post a video of a man and woman performing wrapped around each others bodies with the quote ‘this could be us’ it would just lead me to believe he’s single.

what do you think? Aibu/am I reaching too far?

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 24/12/2023 10:28

‘This could be us’ post is weird and very concerning. You are right to feel odd about it.
❤️

swuahies · 24/12/2023 10:31

I'd feel exactly the same about this OP.

I even feel a bit weird that there's no trace of me on my DPs social media - but he posts nothing at all

Whattodowithit88 · 24/12/2023 10:36

He is obviously talking to someone with the caption this could be us, he certainly doesn’t mean you, that’s for sure, so who is us? I’d demand I’m put on their straight away as surly one post to show the world you’re together and keeping the marriage going is more important than someone whose not that private anyway…..isn’t it?
If he refuses, that screams volumes.

Butterfly44 · 24/12/2023 10:36

What on earth does "this could be us" mean? Who is it directed to???

category12 · 24/12/2023 10:37

How does he justify not allowing the children a private life, if he splashes their photos and videos around ? He should be more cautious and protective about their privacy than a consenting adult's.

As for the entwined photo and comment, it sounds like a line and I'd be wondering who it is intended for.

ChanelNo19EDT · 24/12/2023 10:40

wow, he's giving the impression he's single. Why? even if there's nobody in particular he's looking to attract, he's not proud of you, he's not valuing you publicly, he's not scared of losing you!

Did he think that he had hidden the story/post from you? It's so hard to understand how he would think this wouldn't reveal how little he values you.

Ulysees · 24/12/2023 10:42

Well it's pretty obvious it isn't meant for you. If he's not at it he soon will be.

Janieforever · 24/12/2023 10:43

This could be us, is clearly aimed at someone, and obviously not you. So one of his Facebook friends, sorry op. You know why he doesn’t admit to you.

MidnightMeltdown · 24/12/2023 10:44

It is a bit odd, but if he was trying to attract someone surely he wouldn't post pictures of his kids either?

Janieforever · 24/12/2023 10:46

If you want to know. Post a lovey dovey pic of you both and tag him, then say something like x years together, still so in love. See what he does. Then respond to his this could be us post and say sometjing like love you made that happen last night.
make it clear you’re together

Janieforever · 24/12/2023 10:46

MidnightMeltdown · 24/12/2023 10:44

It is a bit odd, but if he was trying to attract someone surely he wouldn't post pictures of his kids either?

What/ why? Why would you need to hide your kids if you’re trying to attract someone?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/12/2023 10:47

This is very weird. There have been times DH and I have posted things without the other one in any photos or videos (usually me because I hate photos/videos) but not very often. It’s usually a family photo or just the kids. I know DH would definitely tag me in the post though to make it clear I am involved too.

His post about ‘this could be us’ is ringing alarm bells. So weird!

TheGoddessFreyja · 24/12/2023 10:47

Check who has liked the post and go from there.. that's what I'd be doing anyway.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/12/2023 10:48

Then respond to his this could be us post and say sometjing like love you made that happen last night.

I think that would be really weird to post on social media. 😬

Lilas94 · 24/12/2023 10:51

So it was posted to his stories, not a direct post on his page, so I can’t check the likes etc. it was Instagram not Facebook (he uses Instagram much more). I also don’t have Instagram but even when I did he wouldn’t let me follow his page, he had my account blocked and his reasoning has always been private life happy life. I can still access his page as it is a public account, he just wouldn’t want me to follow him and comment/like posts etc which is just weird and tbh I’m fed up of.

OP posts:
MiddleagedBeachbum · 24/12/2023 10:51

Has anyone liked or commented on the post?

flowerchild2000 · 24/12/2023 10:51

What about DC's privacy? They are not old enough to consent but you are. The "this could be us" thing is very very weird. It sounds like he has a work wife that's gone too far.

Datingahhhhhhhh · 24/12/2023 10:51

@Lilas94 the “this could be us” quote is very odd and would have alarm bells ringing for me. He is aiming that at someone, the question is - who?! Alongside him choosing to miss you out of all those photos, is he trying to portray an image to someone that he’s a wonderful SINGLE father? 🤔

flowerchild2000 · 24/12/2023 10:53

Lilas94 · 24/12/2023 10:51

So it was posted to his stories, not a direct post on his page, so I can’t check the likes etc. it was Instagram not Facebook (he uses Instagram much more). I also don’t have Instagram but even when I did he wouldn’t let me follow his page, he had my account blocked and his reasoning has always been private life happy life. I can still access his page as it is a public account, he just wouldn’t want me to follow him and comment/like posts etc which is just weird and tbh I’m fed up of.

So private from you then, not for you. This is really bad. There's no way he's not cheating or trying hard to.

category12 · 24/12/2023 10:53

Lilas94 · 24/12/2023 10:51

So it was posted to his stories, not a direct post on his page, so I can’t check the likes etc. it was Instagram not Facebook (he uses Instagram much more). I also don’t have Instagram but even when I did he wouldn’t let me follow his page, he had my account blocked and his reasoning has always been private life happy life. I can still access his page as it is a public account, he just wouldn’t want me to follow him and comment/like posts etc which is just weird and tbh I’m fed up of.

It's really sus that he has you blocked on social media.

flowerchild2000 · 24/12/2023 10:54

Datingahhhhhhhh · 24/12/2023 10:51

@Lilas94 the “this could be us” quote is very odd and would have alarm bells ringing for me. He is aiming that at someone, the question is - who?! Alongside him choosing to miss you out of all those photos, is he trying to portray an image to someone that he’s a wonderful SINGLE father? 🤔

This. That last line especially!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/12/2023 10:56

Lilas94 · 24/12/2023 10:51

So it was posted to his stories, not a direct post on his page, so I can’t check the likes etc. it was Instagram not Facebook (he uses Instagram much more). I also don’t have Instagram but even when I did he wouldn’t let me follow his page, he had my account blocked and his reasoning has always been private life happy life. I can still access his page as it is a public account, he just wouldn’t want me to follow him and comment/like posts etc which is just weird and tbh I’m fed up of.

He’s blocked you on social media?!?!? No!!!

Lilas94 · 24/12/2023 10:56

Datingahhhhhhhh · 24/12/2023 10:51

@Lilas94 the “this could be us” quote is very odd and would have alarm bells ringing for me. He is aiming that at someone, the question is - who?! Alongside him choosing to miss you out of all those photos, is he trying to portray an image to someone that he’s a wonderful SINGLE father? 🤔

Yes, this is exactly the thought that has come to my mind. It looks as though he’s a single father on a lovely day out with his kids.

OP posts:
littlebopeepp234 · 24/12/2023 10:57

I’d be looking at the likes and comments on that post “this could be us” to see which, if any female ‘friends’ of his either like the post or comment. Doesn’t sound like he’s talking about you, if anything he’s trying to hide you!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/12/2023 10:57

I think, if he’s not cheating yet, he certainly wants to be and is having an emotional affair with someone. Him blocking you on social media and leaving you out of posts is deliberately trying to hide you from someone.