Dp didn’t post me

[Lilas94]

Looking for some ops on this situation.

dp is very private with his personal life. He uses social media every day, mainly for work purposes, but his account has everyone he has ever known on there and even though it’s for business he posts himself all the time and clients etc.

we recently went on a Christmas Day out with the kids. I saw that he posted many videos from this day out, videos of the kids having fun, picture of himself with the kids, videos of some of the performers including one act where a man and woman were wrapped around eachother in a sensual way and he put the quote ‘this could be us’ when he posted it.

now, baring in mind I was there the entire time, there is not one little ounce of me in any of the videos or photos. He took photos of me with the dc but only uploaded his own with them. Some of the videos of the kids I was sitting right next to them but you can’t see that at all in the videos.

his excuse is always ‘private life is a happy life’ but the fact he’s posting the kids means he’s not ‘that’ private and he’s chosen to not include even a hair strand of mine in any of it. The quote about ‘this could be us’ even as a joke hints that he could be single imo.. If I saw another man post a video of a man and woman performing wrapped around each others bodies with the quote ‘this could be us’ it would just lead me to believe he’s single.

what do you think? Aibu/am I reaching too far?

I'm sorry OP.

Hiding your existence

Blocking you from seeing and being part of his social media

Throwing a DARVO strop following your questioning a lame fish incident

An entire red flag festival.

I wouldn't play games.

I'd quietly and calmly tell him you know something's not right and it's time for him to tell you the truth. To respect you and consider your feelings and let you know what's really happening. And if he's moved on, or wants to, to do you the courtesy of letting you know. Getting angry and accusatory will trigger his defense kneejerk reaction, and you'll just get more DARVO. Keeping it calm and civilised will be most likely to get a real response.

I used to work with a woman whose husband was like this. He seemed to have nothing to do with his family including anything to do with their child eg. school pick ups, drop offs etc etc. He totally kicked off at her one day because she tagged him on FB to wish him happy 40th birthday (literally shouting down the phone furious). He used to go on holiday on his birthday with a friend(s) and would go to exotic places like Hong Kong and Dubai. With his wife they'd go to the Norfolk Broads.

If you looked at his SM you would think he was a single Dad. Photos with his son but also with his mates and no sign of a wife in any shape or form.

There are so many red flags and I would bet a month's salary he's having an affair. Photos of him with the kids are to show what a wonderful father he is and also are a good excuse when he needs an excuse not to see mistress.

That is beyond weird. He's blatantly cheating/trying to cheat. To be honest, if my partner told me he was blocking me on social media..I would know there and then that he was cheating. No one does that.

I would make a fake instagram account and follow him. Put a picture of a good looking girl as your profile pic and see what happens. He sounds like a right dick.

It's definitely suspicious

If I was you I would start trying to gather evidence as this does not add up. If you can’t find anything then ask to see his business bank account and go through it with a fine tooth comb. Only when I did this, did I find presents he’d bought for the OW. If he doesn’t let you then you have your answer that he is having an affair.

I'd be replying to that when he is asleep with - 'it IS us though...? - the wife. You know. The person you are currently sleeping next to. And went to this event with. When you're awake I think we need to have a chat'.

I'd also post the photos with us all in it together and link to his page.

He's cheating or he's trying to cheat.
He's making himself appear single on his profile.

It make it very apparent thar he isn't. For any poor woman he's stringing along.

And then I'd ltb.

Why not? It’s not like strangers will see the kids online and then somehow find our their address.

Well there is basic privacy. When they grow up, their entire life story will be public knowledge.

@Lilas94

For me I really do not want to waste any more years in this type of situation.

By saying 'any MORE years' it sounds to me as if he's either been caught cheating or you've seriously suspected cheating in the past. Or if not cheating, he's given you reason to doubt his trustworthiness for some other reason.

I agree, don't waste any more years with a man you can't trust. When the trust is gone, for any reason or for no reason at all, a relationship is as good as dead.

There was a similar thread to this a few months ago op. I think the fake account is a good idea if you want to know what is going on. Do any of your friends follow him?

Why on earth would she do that?

If the man's cheating, let him cheat. She just needs to find out then decide what she's going to.

Not make up fake accounts on social media to piss all over his comment section like an animal marking its territory.

What good is that going to do?

Let him show you the receipt, or his bank account, of the one packet of salmon from
M&S.

^^ agree with this.

Does he wear a wedding ring and can it been seen in these photos?

Your husband is ashamed of you. He’s probably seeing someone who he feels the need to impress with his fun life and dad skills while telling her he’s “very unhappy in his marriage and has no sex with his wife”. He’s blocking you from his social media accounts because the mistress is a follower probably “liking” or commenting some of his posts. He sounds like a Narcissist.

@plantpplantpotsandbugs why shouldn't she do that? If it was me, I'd do anything to uncover the truth. By reading the comments, it looks like I'm not the only one suggesting this. If she can find out the truth in other ways, then all well and good.

If the man is cheating (or intending too), talking to him won't do any good as he'd just deny it!

Forget the fish - get him to answer the " this could be us" . What does it mean?

Personally I don't think there's any dignity in it and whatever results she got from it would be unlikely to be conclusive. I wouldn't want to go running and fawning over the bloke even if it was feigned.

I would be very suspicious of the SM thing.

My exDP would never post me on his SM despite always posting. Similar to you he would post about the days out we had, but I would never be in them.

I would feel uneasy about it but let it go. Turns out he was pretending to everyone at his work that he was single and was sleeping with random girls on nights out.

I found out when his friend from work turned up to his house unannounced and I happened to be there, he acted really weirdly and refusing to let his friend come in.

The “recipient” of the post knows who she is and has most likely “liked” the photo, so I would start my investigation there.

In the NY, it can be them and equally with someone more deserving.

@beatrix1234 - the old my wife doesn't understand me.

And don't forget the

'We're only together for the kids. We don't have sex anymore. She's just a friend'.

Or even just straight up 'I'm a single father'.

And when it is 'them' he will then be looking around for someone else. That sort always does.

That's so, so wrong. Have you met his friends and so on ?

I agree. OW probably gave him the fish to take home.

If someone brings home leftover smoked salmon from an office Christmas party or from the office fridge, they would normally say “hey Fictional, I brought this home because it was left over” and then put it in the fridge. You wouldn’t just say nothing. If however you were bringing it home from OW’s house, the guilt might prompt you to be sneaky about it.