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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp didn’t post me

219 replies

Lilas94 · 24/12/2023 10:21

Looking for some ops on this situation.

dp is very private with his personal life. He uses social media every day, mainly for work purposes, but his account has everyone he has ever known on there and even though it’s for business he posts himself all the time and clients etc.

we recently went on a Christmas Day out with the kids. I saw that he posted many videos from this day out, videos of the kids having fun, picture of himself with the kids, videos of some of the performers including one act where a man and woman were wrapped around eachother in a sensual way and he put the quote ‘this could be us’ when he posted it.

now, baring in mind I was there the entire time, there is not one little ounce of me in any of the videos or photos. He took photos of me with the dc but only uploaded his own with them. Some of the videos of the kids I was sitting right next to them but you can’t see that at all in the videos.

his excuse is always ‘private life is a happy life’ but the fact he’s posting the kids means he’s not ‘that’ private and he’s chosen to not include even a hair strand of mine in any of it. The quote about ‘this could be us’ even as a joke hints that he could be single imo.. If I saw another man post a video of a man and woman performing wrapped around each others bodies with the quote ‘this could be us’ it would just lead me to believe he’s single.

what do you think? Aibu/am I reaching too far?

OP posts:
RowanMayfair · 24/12/2023 10:59

He blocked you?? He's chasing other women. How long have you been together?

Yetanothernamechangeagain · 24/12/2023 11:00

I think you should give him his wish and let him be a single father

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 24/12/2023 11:00

ditch the 'partner'. he sounds awful. There is no reason he would block you on SM unless he was pretending to have a very different life to the one he has with you.

Datingahhhhhhhh · 24/12/2023 11:01

@Lilas94 Your update on him blocking you is even more odd. He’s clearly up to no good - he has no problem about advertising his life it’s you he’s hiding it from, not everyone else. His actions are very shady. You deserve better than this.

Pashazade · 24/12/2023 11:02

I'd be creating a different instagram account so I could check out his likes etc. the private life, happy life is absolute horse shit if he's splashing the children all over social media and blocking you is well dodgy. He's up to something.

Hbh17 · 24/12/2023 11:05

I'd be more worried about him putting images of my children on social media, to be honest - not good.

MermaidEyes · 24/12/2023 11:06

I'm curious how you can see his stories if you're not actually following him? Usually you have to follow someone to see them.

gamerchick · 24/12/2023 11:06

I wouldn't be doing any checking. I'd be telling him straight what his SM looks like to people and how it makes me feel. How dismissive he was after that will give all the information you need.

ChateauDuMont · 24/12/2023 11:08

'This could be us' is from a meme.

You usually post a funny photo of say for example, two tortoises humping and caption it as 'this could be us'.

However he has posted it under a sensual
Picture so it's not actually posted as a joke as the 'this could be us' is meant to be.

Ask him straight why you aren't in any of the photos.

SamW98 · 24/12/2023 11:11

I agree with other PP that hrs trying to give the impression that he’s a wonderful caring single dad and he’s sending out a message to someone in particular.

I understand some people keep their private lives off SM - but he seems to only be keeping YOU off.

Sorry OP but this is very suspect and you need to have a very serious think about where you go from here.

category12 · 24/12/2023 11:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Nicole1111 · 24/12/2023 11:13

I wouldn’t be too concerned about my lack of appearance but the quote is an outright invitation for people to believe he’s single and approach him. Don’t trust this man.

Vinrouge4 · 24/12/2023 11:13

This is weird OP. Any other red flags?

LightSpeeds · 24/12/2023 11:13

You can't trust him. Sorry.

festivetinseling · 24/12/2023 11:14

This happened to me at our wedding. DH's family all took loads of photos, and on visiting BIL & SIL's house a year or so later was a lovely enlarged photo on display - BIL, SIL, MIL, DH, all the cousins, bridesmaids... and the bride? Nope. I wasn't in it.

NeonPink · 24/12/2023 11:17

If it was me, I'd create a fake Instagram profile of a male or female, but add pics, follow random accounts such as celebs etc, and make it look genuine so he accepts your follow request. Once he accepts it, quickly change your profile pic and name to yours, and then I'd comment under many of his posts, including the one you've described saying things like "Oh this was such a lovely family day out with our children, love you my hubby xx", no matter how cringey it may sound, you need to be writing things like that as he is definitely trying to hide you from someone!

I'm sorry but I think he's talking to and has his eye on someone, hence the comment "This could be us"' and trying to hide you! Make yourself known and fast!

RolyPolyBatFacedGirl · 24/12/2023 11:19

@NeonPink I'm assuming the OP isn't 15. No sane adult would embarrass themself in that way

Just speak to him. And then, based on how that chat goes, consider leaving him. He clearly uses social media and he's blocked you - he wouldn't do that if he didn't have anything to hide

Camarthen67912 · 24/12/2023 11:19

So the "this could be us" thing is a funny thing on social media (you say he's on social media a lot for his job? It's a funny meme off Twitter where people post funny pictures with "this could be us" underneath. It doesn't warrant another seconds thought)

I have no pictures of my DP on Instagram or Facebook. Facebook because he's not on there, but on Instagram it's very very rare I post pictures of anyone else except me or occassionally a "repost" that someone else has put on there or explicitly said that I can put on Instagram. I don't know - it just feels odd posting pictures of other adults who haven't "consented", plus are you the type of person who might say "why did you post that picture? I look awful!" Or "oh god you've got my double chin in there!" As my DP would 😂

NeonPink · 24/12/2023 11:23

@RolyRolyPolyBatFacedGirl I wouldn't assume she was 15 either?! She's not the one embarrassing herself, like I said "no matter how cringey" it may sound, she needs to make herself known so everyone knows what he's up to and embarrass him!

nutsnutspistachionuts · 24/12/2023 11:23

How long have you been together and are the kids both of yours?

Quitelikeit · 24/12/2023 11:26

This stinks to high heaven

Insist you are added and can follow him

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/12/2023 11:33

NeonPink · 24/12/2023 11:17

If it was me, I'd create a fake Instagram profile of a male or female, but add pics, follow random accounts such as celebs etc, and make it look genuine so he accepts your follow request. Once he accepts it, quickly change your profile pic and name to yours, and then I'd comment under many of his posts, including the one you've described saying things like "Oh this was such a lovely family day out with our children, love you my hubby xx", no matter how cringey it may sound, you need to be writing things like that as he is definitely trying to hide you from someone!

I'm sorry but I think he's talking to and has his eye on someone, hence the comment "This could be us"' and trying to hide you! Make yourself known and fast!

Don’t do this. You could actually get into a lot of trouble for creating fake social media accounts to try and lure him or to have contact with him when he’s clearly blocked you.

morbidd · 24/12/2023 11:33

Yeah he's cheating or wants to.

Jellyx · 24/12/2023 11:35

Lilas94 · 24/12/2023 10:51

So it was posted to his stories, not a direct post on his page, so I can’t check the likes etc. it was Instagram not Facebook (he uses Instagram much more). I also don’t have Instagram but even when I did he wouldn’t let me follow his page, he had my account blocked and his reasoning has always been private life happy life. I can still access his page as it is a public account, he just wouldn’t want me to follow him and comment/like posts etc which is just weird and tbh I’m fed up of.

This is weird. It sounds as though he doesn't want another woman to check through his followers and see you.

BetsyBobbins · 24/12/2023 11:36

I'm very sorry to pile on your doubts but other posters said it all, this is some sorte of coded message to someone (or even "someones")