Dp didn’t post me

[Lilas94]

Looking for some ops on this situation.

dp is very private with his personal life. He uses social media every day, mainly for work purposes, but his account has everyone he has ever known on there and even though it’s for business he posts himself all the time and clients etc.

we recently went on a Christmas Day out with the kids. I saw that he posted many videos from this day out, videos of the kids having fun, picture of himself with the kids, videos of some of the performers including one act where a man and woman were wrapped around eachother in a sensual way and he put the quote ‘this could be us’ when he posted it.

now, baring in mind I was there the entire time, there is not one little ounce of me in any of the videos or photos. He took photos of me with the dc but only uploaded his own with them. Some of the videos of the kids I was sitting right next to them but you can’t see that at all in the videos.

his excuse is always ‘private life is a happy life’ but the fact he’s posting the kids means he’s not ‘that’ private and he’s chosen to not include even a hair strand of mine in any of it. The quote about ‘this could be us’ even as a joke hints that he could be single imo.. If I saw another man post a video of a man and woman performing wrapped around each others bodies with the quote ‘this could be us’ it would just lead me to believe he’s single.

what do you think? Aibu/am I reaching too far?

Actually you know what, I'd wait till he is sleeping and then take his phone away and turn it off so so can't wake him. Then I'd post on his page:

'So after getting back from a day out with my husband John here and the kids...he posts pictures of the day out on here. But... for some reason...none of them have me in them. I've been cropped out. He's also titled one where he is happy with the kids 'this could be you'. So i am posting this as a heads up to you...John has a wife, it's me, and up until today I thought all was well. But apparently, he our life together has been a lie. I'm not going to give him the chance to gaslight me regarding things. It's evident what the post means. I just thought I'd let you all know what a fucker he is. And that I'll be giving him the gift of divorce this Christmas. Ladies, you are welcome to him! ...but don't say you weren't warned'.

Maybe wait till after Christmas time though.
Don't let him go anywhere without you over Christmas and new year either. It'll soon become evident if he has hooked another woman if he's unable to spend time with her.

Exactly why on earth would op want to play pick me. She's 1000x better off letter the ow have him

I had a friend told this.

Then the wife had twins. Must have been another immaculate conception!

I think that people who are attracted to these dads don't think that they will be taking on his kids. They fantasise that he will abandon the kids and start a family with them. Some fuckers fulfil the fantasy.

My god, that is pathetic. I don't understand women who would want a man who would abandon his children like that.

I’ve known a few men (only dated one) who weren’t happy about being on social media and the one I dated I know he cheated on me and probably cheated on his wife. The others I have no idea, probably like secrecy or no social media for other reasons. A couple of guys I know who hate having their photo taken (and put on and/or tagged on social media, including my ex) it’s mostly because they’re cheating or have cheated and a woman they’ve had/are having an affair with will spot them with their wife/partner).

In this situation and with this comment and his behaviour he’s having an affair under your nose.

I'd defo be making a new account & having a look at his insta.

Those men usually spin an 'evil mad ex-wife won't let me see my children, boo hoo poor me' tale of woe to make the new/other woman think they're a sad victim of of a 'vindictive bitch'. So the other woman ends up thinking the man is a wonderful father being 'denied' the children he wants to see and parent so badly.

Prior NDN was caught cheating and abandoned his SAHW and his 3 young children, one still a baby. The 'my wife is denying me' is the tale he spun for all and sundry but those of us who knew him (and his wife) knew better. His wife begged him to see the children but he was 'too busy' fucking the OW. The OW and the subsequent women in his life swallowed it hook line and sinker, the fools. The wife ended up moving back home to her parents. He raised no objections to her taking their children over 300 miles away. Of course he spun that for the woman then in his life too, she 'threatened him' so he was 'afraid' to take her to court. Never did explain exactly that her 'threats' were, but I guess she just took him at face value.

I will say that he was religious about paying his child support. But that's about the only good thing I can say about him.

Paying child support is admirable & rare

It's not admirable - it's basic decency.

If it's rare, it shouldn't be, and parents who don't contribute to their child's costs should be pursued more effectively.

Just because some parents avoid their obligations to their children, it doesn't make the ones who don't, admirable. The bar's a bit higher than that.

How dare he block you and omit your existence in order to appear single and con his targets. How dare he use the children to that end.

@Lilas94, he’s been carefully choreographing his double life, and is using your children to gain mileage toward that agenda. He certainly can’t have even ‘a strand of your hair’ sabotaging his staged stories portraying himself as the devoted single or unhappily married dad. His priority is gaslighting you and his mistress/harem/potential girlfriends for his own twisted gratification.

He messed up with the fish. When you confronted him about excluding/hiding you and his not-so-clever ‘this could be us’ signal, he scrambled, lashed out, and flounced. His lame comeback that he wouldn’t be parading the whole family if he was cheating doesn’t hold water — he could easily have an AP who lives elsewhere or would never frequent the venues you take the children to.

I agree that he is now in damage control mode and disinfecting his devices, but it doesn’t matter because you know he’s been treating you like shit on his shoe and is using the children to bolster his charade.

It would be game over for me.

Making children and not paying for them is a crime, paying child support is not “admirable” it’s the minimum to expect when you bring a child to this world.

I'd also be inclined to send a message to everyone in his phone (although, be aware, he may have another phone hidden somewhere. Check the toilet tank, it's often in there in a bag) with:

'Dear John's contacts, this is his wife, it's become apparent to me that hes either cheating or trying to cheat. So, heads up everyone, if this man is talking to you: He is married. Though...thats not going to remain a factor for much longer tbf. If you are one of the poor woman he's been stringing along, feel free to contact me on * number (Incase he tries to gaslight you into thinking this is a prank or some other lie)
To everyone else, apologies for the festive drama. Hopefully your Christmas will be wonderful, jolly and bright. Spare a thought for John this eve, as he's out on his arse tonight'.

Omg, what would that achieve?
Would it make her partner value her more? Or would he feel embarrassed and angry?

Best thing to do would be to GET. TURNED. OFF.
Tell him that his acting like a single man is a turn off. Realising he has one eye out elsewhere is a huge turn off.

If he's not afraid of losing you make sure he knows you are prepared to walk.

I think you will find that his 'private life' contains 'another life'. Does he go out much without you in the evenings/weekends?
I'd be tempted to go through loads of his insta pics and like as much of them as possible and put plenty of comments about 'our DC's' , our home, our lovely day out together, as a family etc. See how he likes that. If it's public, he can't stop you doing it until he's blocked you, so do as many as you can before that happens.

Jesus Christ.

Please don't do this, OP.

If he's got you blocked on sm and posted 'this could be us' then it's definitely not for you.

Excuse my ignorance, but you say you don't have Instagram anymore? So how can you see his stories and how can he block you? And how do you know he uses SM every day?

All the advice given here so far, plus screenshot his social media posts.