Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@RosieAway No, I didn’t. I like men who take initiative and clearly communicate their interest, if they’re interested in dating you.

Maybe I need to rethink this, if this is what men are like these days. (I’m back on OLD after 3 years off it.)

Saw this on Facebook and thought of you 😂😂

@Crushed23 that's a very nice message. 4 weeks is a long time. I'm new to the OLD but so far if guy is interesting and we chat a bit, I've started hinting about IRL meeting after 4-5 days. But I'm not a great texter and want to see if there's chemistry in person, rather than imagine what it may be...

I finding the messaging goes on more than a couple of weeks then it goes stale. You’re chatting to someone you’ve never met who could be a potential partner and you run out of things to say - let’s how it is with me.

I like to have a phone call after maybe 4-5 days if it’s going well and then when we’re talking on phone mention meeting for a coffee if they don’t first.

I think talking on phone gives you more of an insight into whether there’s good communication but meeting is the only way to know if there’s chemistry.

Think most of us had the experience of thinking we had a spark online/over the phone then arriving at the date and instantly thinking ‘oh no’

Hello,
Can I please join you all, I have no idea what I am doing with this dating business.

Came out of a long marriage in April. Starting OL dating in December. I have been chatting to this man every day for about 6 weeks. Last weekend he asked if I wanted to meet him. We went out on Tuesday, date went well so I thought. We hugged at the end initiated by him. Texted like normal on Wednesday, and I texted him on Thursday no reply. He read the message sometime Friday afternoon on WhatsApp but still not replied to it. I logged on to the OL dating site this morning first time in a few weeks and noticed that 1 hour after the date on Tuesday he removed my contact and said goodbye but still messaged on Wednesday. I am so confused and yet he's not blocked me on WhatsApp. Any advice?

Odd and rude behaviour. Advice? Ignore him and move on.

@Dottie4

I would delete personally. The fact he’s not replied in 48 hours probably means he’s not interested but too cowardly to be honest and/or he’s dating other people and they’re someone else he likes better.

I think ghosting after a date is rude as feck but sadly there’s a lot of it on OLD.

Write this one off.

Did you get a response?

I think there’s no need to block unless there’s some potential tension, so he probably felt it was enough that he said goodbye.

Odd that he messaged the next day but overall it’s clear that he lost his enthusiasm once he had time to digest his impressions after the date. If he liked you but felt there was no spark he just hugged you as a friend.
In any case it’s yet another of those warnings to not engage online over a considerable period of time because you are basically connecting to a mirage or a certain version we all unconsciously present to someone new.
You can’t get the full 3D even if you do video calls beforehand, though it might help.
Is there anything in the pinned post/rules about avoiding lengthy chats before meeting in real life, because there should be!
Seems to lead to heartache and disappointment more often than not 😮

Yes it’s covered in 3 and 4, all these rules are golden!

Yes. He said he had lost track of time and that he’s busy this weekend. I think I’m going to leave it.

@Dottie4 very strange behaviour! I would definitely throw this one back

@Crushed23 no one loses track of time unless disinterested. The bottom line is if he liked you, he'd make an effort. Throw him back. You deserve more than scraps.

I haven't started dating yet. Going through a very difficult time and on the brink of separation.

However, when I read this thread and the way a lot of men are, it should be fairly easy for me to meet someone again. I think I'm a good communicator and honest. It is a clear that a lot of these men are not! So ladies, thanks to this thread for increasing my confidence and wish you all luck to find someone decent. Particularly you @Crushed23

@Tonto37 yes communication goes a long way. But seems with the best will in the world, it can still be hurtful… I met a brilliant communicator who thought I was brilliant, beautiful etc…. 5 hour dates and phone calls. I purposefully didn’t kiss him the first few dates (talking things slow and wasn’t my usual type). He made it utmost clear he wanted to see me etc but then when I did the same, he made some (in my opinion) BS excuse about money and distance and wanting to be friends. The connection was clear to us both, so WTF? Sometimes they make up excuses to cover something else up. Better than ghosting but still hurts

Exactly @RosieAway, my recent whirlwind had every single good sign, he was more excited than I was, making enthusiastic plans for future dates, only to change his mind by text a few hours later. All the connections in the world, brilliant easy communication, but they’re still strangers and unpredictable, and can mess with your head massively unless you’re super resilient.

@Treezylover yep. Sorry you also went through this. Massive headf@ck. Thing is, I’d been through love-bombing in the past and this was almost the opposite…. Felt very calm, totally safe, no urgency, just wonderfully normal. So was really taken aback. We will both meet people who it works out with, I’m sure x

Not even 72 hours into OLD and I’ve been cancelled on already - had arranged to meet for a coffee and chat, 30 minutes before meeting he cancels, claiming a bad cold. I did ask if he wanted to reschedule (maybe I should have waited to see what he did) and he responded fairly positively, I asked when he was free and have been ignored.

when I used to do OLD before meeting my ex I would spend ages talking and then would meet with the guy and there would be no connection. I’m now trying to meet as soon as possible.

So the guy I went for coffee with last Sunday who we got on so well together then messaged me Tuesday to say he was too messed up for us to work and was worried he would drag me down messaged me on Thursday to say he missed talking to me.
We are getting on really well talked for 2 1/2 hours both Friday and Saturday night, I am keeping a very level head...not getting carried away it emotionally invested.
Meeting up in the week for a walk and a coffee

@2anddone What does he mean ‘messed up’? Personally, drama at the outset (even if it’s just them telling you about it) is a red flag for me. Was he more specific? Is he getting help?

@Crushed23 yes he is getting help. His son tried to commit suicide and he resuscitated him which has left him with ptsd.
Obviously it could all be a load of crap

It would be a terrible thing to make up! Glad he’s getting help. I think as long as you’re okay with someone who needs to finish healing/working on themselves, and you like him enough to be patient while he does this, then see how it goes.

@Crushed23 it would be a horrendous thing to make up!!
We get on so well can talk on the phone for hours and it only feels like minutes!
We talk about everything from random shit about when we were kids to favourite pizza topping and film to what we have been up to that day. Not had someone I can talk to like this for a long time so not willing to give up just yet and willing to see how it goes!

@RosieAway although
its awful that someone else has gone through this and I’m so sorry you have, it’s also a comfort. I’m recently out of an 18 month relationship and I have to say this whirlwind week has messed with my head so much more than a fairly difficult 18 month stretch, I guess because of the contrast at least in part, of how easy it can be when you’re just on the same page as someone and they ‘get’ you.

imagine if we were talking about the same bloke 😂

@Treezylover I get you completely. I thought “aha, so this is what it’s meant to be like!” Had so much in common, made each laugh so much and felt like I could completely be myself. And that he really saw me for who I was, not this projected fantasy like the others had (also had a crazy 18 month relationship beforehand!)

Imagine if it was the same guy! Mine was an S