Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I sometimes wonder whether a lot of men, after a divorce, want the whole cohabiting thing/merging families whereas women no longer want that.

@WtP Well you are very lucky to have found someone so compatible, but then you are dating a woman, and tbh there's lots of lovely ones around as is evidenced by this thread!
Don't try to 'coach' or change her though. If those are her insecurities then just continue to show her love, care and respect, and as trust grows l am sure she will soon realise her worth.

Popping my head around the corner....

I've looked at the apps, but I just can't build chemistry via a message and just hate it, so I'm sticking with finding a man out in the wild. Not sure where to find them though, for those that meet dates irl, where did you meet?

I agree I do not want to ever live with a man again, I enjoy being single but I am missing affection and being touched etc. I feel I'm just turning invisible, and at 39, I still have plenty of life left in me and don't want to be celibate for the rest of my days.

I really need a boyfriend who also has dc with 50/50 custody and no desire to become blended/step parents - ie content to just be with each other during our child free times but live separately and maintain those boundaries

So I joined Bumble and the exact same thing happened as when I was briefly on it before -ie I didn’t have the nerve to actually do anything on there but am suddenly getting some interest from men in the wild. I think the reason is that the Bumble thing was just me acknowledging to my myself that I am open to meeting someone and somehow that is giving of signals or pheromones that are being picked up by people around in RL?
Was listening yesterday to a very good podcast called Diary of a CEO that has lots of interesting insights into this type of thing.
Mr Uni -met up yesterday for a coffee. Very easy and friendly chat but no spark. He is massively overweight which would not necessarily be. a problem, except that his shirt gaped open over his stomach which was an ick. We have a lot in common though and conversation was easy and fun so we will definitely be friends. I made it clear that coming out of s long marriage and 2 year and 2year situationship I am currently unavailable to get into anything with him.
Mr Forearms and Mr Wozfunnest were not at the gig so I was able to have a really good time with friends and fur he first time I was not feeling a pang for Mr Wozfunnest -starting to properly heal I think.
Was at a hobby event last night and was being wooed by a man I will call MrNiceguy. Met him a couple of years ago before and liked him, and we might have got together but I got together with MrWozfunnest and at the sane time he got into a relationship with a lovely woman. She ended it earlier this year so we are now both single at the same time and he is showing interest in me. If we are not part of the same friendship group I would be tempted but it like a goldfish bowl and I don’t think I could cope with the gossip.

Well I went on to Bumble and for the first time actually swiped right… still probably won’t have the bottle to actually do anything if he responds..

What are your hobbies and interests already?
Do you already go out socially?

Personally for me I like live music so I'm often in pubs that have bands on, I've met loads of really nice people and if I wanted to date some of them they would be up for that as they've told me.

My hobbies include paddleboarding and hiking/walking so I've just a couple of Facebook adventure/hiking groups and then starts attending events in my area and met loads of men.

I also run a social group for singles, we are not a dating group so the atmosphere is very relaxed. I have dated from within this group but it's not anyones no.1 priority- ours is abouts socialising.

I'm currently dating someone from one of the adventure groups....its early days but going well.

@Shewhobecamethesun My post above was meant for you but for some reason didn't quote you.

@VanillaSox Could you let your Uni friend know that the way he dresses could be improved? I know you've only recently got back in contact but if you're on good terms hopefully he would take it with the spirit it's intended.

I'm friends with plenty of overweight guys but they always dress well and you wouldn't really be able to tell how big they are, they wear clothes that fit even when sitting down.

It's a shame your friend hasn't noticed that his clothes gape🫤

@SortingItOut well for context, I have adhd, so hobbies and interests are vast lol.
I love dancing! I've done ballet/tap/street and even pole but they are all females, great for making new friends though. I have signed up to a salsa class this week as well.
I enjoy walking (and I have a dog), swimming, drinking tea, reading, meditation, mindfulness, yoga, tennis, badminton, marvel, Disney, crochet, cross stitch, politics and current events, I'm a maths geek, and I like tattoos. Oh and I love signing and music (but I am terrible at both lol).

I've noticed lots of groups I'd love to join are either during the day (and I work full time) or on the days I have dc (why is every club on a Thursday?) so that also limits a lot. Im not fussed about a relationship right now, but after being such a homebody in a longish marriage I've come out with zero social life and connections and really need to build that up. I wouldn't say no to a flirt though

@VanillaSox that would put me off too!

You said he is massively overweight that would be a no for me for a relationship…just being honest.

Well have nice messages from both Mr Uni and Mr Niceguy today -it is lovely to have some attention after the rollercoaster of MrWozfunnest. I told Mr Uni about him -it really was just a great chat as mates and O felt able to just be entirely myself and authentic /because I didn’t fancy him!
I told him about the dog dealbreaker and he messaged me this morning to say he’s had a premonition that I was waking up next to a dachshund 😂which made me laugh out loud (I had told him that Mr Wozfunnest might turn up at the event with his bloody mutt).

Thx re advice on the stomach thing -will buy Mr Uni a nice shirt for Xmas in the right size 😁

Ditto. I’m ok with a dad bod - I’m in my 50’s and I’m realistic. My meno belly not what it used to be either.

But yes very overweight isn’t appealing. I had a guy message me saying he was 28 stone but he doesn’t look it Seemed a nice enough man but he really did look very big.

I like quite well built men - tall broad shoulders solid - we like what we like.

Dad bod is fine -but was with my ex for years and during that time he was athletic and had a flat stomach (ironically since I left he has gone to seed despite now having a much younger girlfriend and I was shocked when so saw him last). Wozfunnest sadly has a gorgeous body so have been spoilt 😔😔😔. I am athletic too, so the actual shape isn’t an issue, more the lack of exercise.

@Shewhobecamethesun Great selection of hobbies there...all of them lend themselves to meeting new people.

Can you see if there are any groups in your area either on Facebook or on Meet Up?

For walking/hiking I'm on Hiking Buddies, Outdoor Mates and Dates and a few others.

I doubt you live near me so won't share the more local groups but found most of them by joining a couple and then you get talking with others who share more and so it goes on.

@marshmallowmix It's good to be honest about likes and dislikes.

In some Facebook dating groups everyone moans a lot about people who only want slim partners and it should be about personality etc.
Yes to a certain degree but also I know when I'm out hiking and walking at a fair pace that someone overweight is unlikely to keep up with me and there is no fun in that.
I'm fine with seperate hobbies but as hiking usually involves a few days away it would be good to find a partner who enjoys it to.

I think everyone should accept that we are not everyone's cup of tea and just get on with it.
I'm short with no bum or much boobs but I don't go around complaining that men prefer big boobs,I get on with it and know that I have other qualities.

@SortingItOut

Absolutely. We’re all different and know what we like.

Im 5’7 and 12/14 - so I’m not going to appeal to men who like petite women.

Im not outdoorsy at all. Someone who likes hiking, paddle boarding, cycling, kayaking etc would be my worst nightmare whereas someone else would love that active lifestyle.

Id rather have a handful of dates with someone who matches my lifestyle and is my type physically than go for 100 dates where we are patently not a good match.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. We had a fairly quiet one as we have a 2 day wedding next weekend. While talking at wk end I realised that we have separate commitments for the 3 weekends in December. My staff night out is the first one, his annual football night out the second, and then his work night out is the third Saturday and also clashes with my birthday. He has already committed to go.
Last December we barely saw one another and I could feel myself getting annoyed as we talked. I'd never expect him not to go but I suppose if I'm being honest I would have like to talk about it before he committed to go.
I can be a bit huffy about stuff like this so I need to accept it for what it is even though I know with our conflicting work schedules it will be a difficult month 😔

I’ve come off of OLD now. I started to feel like I’m just wasting my time and there’s literally no one on there who is right for me.
Just the same men over and over again and pretty much everyone who I matched with just looking for a FWB or ‘something casual’

Maybe I’m too fussy but what’s point in lowering my bar just to be disappointed?

Sorry you're in that position @SamW98, a break is always a good idea and you can pick it up again if/when it suits.

Thank you - I just don’t think OLD is for me. In a year I’ve had 5 dates and only one of those lead to a second. I just seem to attract the wrong type of men unfortunately.

@LuckyLinda3 I find December a busy month without having to consider other people as well.

Which part were you hoping he would have discussed with you?
Your birthday weekend or all of it?

It's good to acknowledge that December is a tricky month for you both, can you see each other on week days or during the day on any of those weekends?

@SamW98 OLD can be so demoralising and only a small percentage actually meet someone to have a relationship with. It truly is like looking for a needle in a haystack🫤

Giving it up (for now) sounds a great idea.
You can them concentrate on yourself and having a great life

SamW98

I’d say to freeze profiles effective now will do wonders for your morale
you will feel better and soon

OLD is only bearable when you feel good and fairly resilient
after a rough year of crap dates - nah fuck that

and it doesn’t mean single forever
it just means you are having a well needed break

LuckyLinda3

Xmas is a tricky time (understatement !) and especially when living apart with busy lives

can you carve a day off together ? Something nice for your birthday ?