Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Livelifelaughter Well I always say this on here, I had one date where I just thought that he looked ok, & when we met, he looked really nice! & now I've had a second, where he again looked ok, but looked much better in the flesh, so because of that I'd always say don't place too much weight on pictures & go for it BUT others have had different experiences (So I'm probably not much help)

Would you do a video call? So you can 'see' them?

I initially paid for Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish and Hinge when there were offers on. Then I accidentally paid for Hinge for a second month as I forgot to immediately cancel the subscription.

My favourite/most successful site for meeting decent men has been Tinder. I've been on 5 first dates from there, and going on a second with one of those later this week. I also had two first dates from Bumble and two first dates from PoF, but no chemistry.

Hinge was my least favourite. I matched with people, but didn't like the site much, particularly the way it forces you to comment on pictures.

I would never pay for OLD again.

https://news.sky.com/story/man-39-becomes-first-person-in-england-and-wales-to-be-convicted-of-cyberflashing-13070350

First conviction for sending dick pics under the cyber flashing law.

I had a first date this week. We video called first. But I knew in the first few minutes that there was no attraction. Didn’t really look like his photos. Felt like a work colleague.
I have a few people I’m chatting to. One is 7 years younger seems chatty but when we message he always replies. So it’s left that I’m having to be the first one to message each day. So today I have left it to him. And nothing. Technically it’s my turn but I always have to start it. Am I overthinking??

@Pipsickle3 you are not overthinking, but I think that the problem isn't that he isn't interested, more like he isn't interestING. And can't think of anything to say to you himself

I don't think you are overthinking @Pipsickle3; I also dislike being the one to always initiate conversations.

I'm happy to do some double texting here and there, but when you're always the one messaging first and leading the contact, it comes across to me as a bit lazy, and that's a trait I personally find unattractive in men.

I am also chatting to a guy, meeting on Thursday, I really really like him, perfect gentleman, intelligent, sweet, complimentary and enthusiastic but feels like a brother. Literally feels like a really old good mate, and I don't fancy him AT ALL at this stage.
Has anyone gone through similar and made a friend?
However I think he will be keen on me, so I don't know if it could work. I really like him as a friend. But also thinking of a couple of single friends of mine who might actually fancy him, I wouldn't mind setting him up if I don't want to be dating him 🤔

Thank you @Starseeking @RadiantRainbow
i think that’s it I feel I’m leading the conversation and maybe he is saying what he thinks I want to hear. It’s made me dubious. Plus the age gap as previously I feel guys of similar age have just wanted a one pal we will see….

Thanks all, I was curious about paid sites in the hope it would sift out people. An ex met a couple of long term gfs on eharmony but they turned out to be golddigger types as he's really lovely/solvent. I'm pretty together and solvent (silly word) so looking for someone ideally at the same level/professional but sounds like everyone is on the free sites

Loopylooni In my experience they are all on all of the sites. Now I've been on & off them for years, I recognize them (because they often use the one same photo from years ago!)

@RadiantRainbow He sounds great and I’d say just see how you feel after a date or two. I had been going for people with crazy chemistry but realised it was more of a trauma response to people who ignited some sort of anxiety. I did meet someone who I didn’t feel all that attracted to but was perfect on other levels. I gave it a bit of time and found that I did fancy him, it was just a calmer thing than before. Moot though as HE called it off to just friends, cause of distance apparently. I didn’t want to be friends but I do miss him a bit. So, anyway, I’d say if he’s great, don’t give him way to a friend just yet?

@Pipsickle3 I think some are just awful at banter. I have made a rule not to ghost and be polite. I had one guy who had one word answers . E.g. Me - So I live in x , I really like it here, lots to do, what about you? Him- Bath. So I just send a message saying "just wishing you luck and I hope all works out, bye." I think if you were thinking of meeting I would suggest a phone call...

Hello, can I join the thread? Long-time lurker, finally plucked up the courage to do OLD last October. On Bumble and Hinge for free. Have had several dates, nothing has developed into a relationship. I've had plenty of chats that went nowhere, and encountered many married men, unfortunately, but also many decent men, a couple of whom have turned into friends. And this is the problem. I just don't really fancy any of them. Have been recommended Tinder - which scares me and Feeld - but am not kinky.

I'm grateful that I don't seem to have had quite such a negative experience as some of you on here - and those men who have attempted to step beyond flirtatiousness into crudeness have immediately stopped when I've made it clear that's not what I'm after. But I'm really feeling like a beginner after 17 years of marriage and never even contemplating another man during that time! So anyway I kind of have two irons, Mr Bohemian and another, Mr Photographer.

@RadiantRainbow I would at least meet him, if you like him (even as a friend). I think f2f meeting will give you better idea of chemistry.

Do men generally swipe on everyone? I had someone like me on a different app today, after he stopped replying to me on bumble after initial response (and then I unmatched after 2 days) 🤔(I have unusual name as well would have thought he could have some recollection)

I had the same bloke like me on every app I tried and yet he never replied when I messaged him the first time we matched 🤷‍♀️

I agree. I’ve had both scenarios. One I had a real spark with on the phone I really didn’t fancy at all when we met and another who I only ended up meeting because it was bank holiday Monday and I was bored there an instant attraction for both of us

@User990 maybe he didn’t see it as I’m not sure everyone checks everyday. I take it back after 24 hours of not contacting mr 7 years younger he contacted me…

I think things can completely change in real life. You will either completely change your mind or you'll know he's not for you. I would definitely recommend meeting up 😊

Welcome @Chocolatefreak

OLD can be quite daunting, especially if you have beeen with someone for a long time. It can also be very stressful and time-consuming so do take care of your MH whilst swiping.

Glad to hear you've got two irons. Let us know if you're struggling or just how thing are going on your end.

Can anyone tell me roughly how many likes they get on Hinge per day? Also, this is probably a tale as old as time question, but do you all hide the fact you have kids on your profile (if you do) to avoid attracting weirdos?

friendswiththemonstera no, I've got on both of my profiles that I have kids but I only give minimal details if they ask. I do drop into early conversation how old they are just because I know the ages of mine puts some off.

I've only had a weird feeling a couple of times, one bombarded me with questions about them & the second one, I'm 99% certain that he invented having a child himself.

Hinge was tumbleweed for me. I was on there about 3 months and I had about 6 likes in that whole time and absolutely no matches whereas all the others I had 100’s of likes and lots of matches. Hinge seemed to be full of men into hiking, kayaking, paddle boarding, cycling etc and the fact I said an activity date is my idea of hell might have been a factor 🤣

My DS is nearly 19 so although I say I’ve got an adult son, it doesn’t affect anything when it comes to dating.

@mintmagnum3 @cassiatwenty thank you for the replies. I've met both of them, hence I know about the chemistry/lack of. Photographer I went on two dates with, just to be sure, then let him know how I felt afterwards. But then he was so cool about this, that it made me like him more! And we get on and like some similar sports and have the same taste in music so have stayed in touch. Mr Bohemian I find a bit more attractive, but he travels a lot with his work and is not divorced, only separated. So more wary of him.

OLD is indeed time-consuming but I find it a welcome distraction from the other stress in my life. So far.

@friendswiththemonstera it's on my profile that I have kids and I don't want more, and I tend to go for men with kids.

You are so lucky! He sounds amazing I wish I met someone like that. It's also possible that you'll start warming up to him. Either way, lucky you, I wouldn't mind knowing someone like that.