Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'm not letting myself be too keen because I don't want the disappointment if/when she cancels on me 🤦🏻‍♀️
I really am keen though - she's gorgeous and I'm totally punching 😊 But we'll see. Trying to grow this thick skin which is so necessary for the OLD stuff x

@DippingAToeIn I totally get what you're saying and how you feel. But I also no, from experience, how draining the waiting game can play. I honestly don't think a quick message confirming the date is keen whatsoever! If she's going to cancel she'll do it regardless!
Just a quick, casual message, "hey we still on for tomorrow ☺️" is totally normal and fine.

Old is a weird world. I think we all arm ourselves to be ghosted/messed around because it has a very bad reputation for it. But don't let that change how you deal with a situation or how you feel.

Thank you 😊 she has replied and we are still on for tomorrow so fingers crossed all goes well!

Great! Good luck, hope it goes well

@DippingAToeIn as pp said above I would go for "looking forward to meeting you" . Don't like the "are we still on for tomorrow, sounds too ambivalent.

@Loopylooni , I was hoping someone would answer your question about paid sites...has anyone used the paid features on sites ?

Livelifelaughter I've used Bumble paid & not paid & I much prefer paying... Although I'm barely getting any matches lately so kind of feel like I'm paying for nothing, but generally I prefer it

Havn't tried any others.

Me too. I was wondering about this myself.

@Nervesofcotton why do you like paying for Bumble? What's the difference? If you don't my asking.

cassiatwenty It shows you everybody who has already liked you, so that's quicker than just scrolling, & you can scroll forever (or until they run out!) Also you can go 'back' which I've needed to use a surprising amount of times when I've thought 'Oh! No actually, I wanted to match with that one'

I think that's it. When I didn't pay I kept hitting the daily swipe limit (can't remember what it is now) & couldn't see anybody who liked me unless I happened to click on them too.

I paid for bumble when there was a special offer but I thought it was a waste of money tbh. I saw everyone who had liked me - out of 1000+ likes only 3 were vaguely suitable and there didn’t seem anything else really for the money.

The only other time I paid was for Ourtime and it was seriously the worst £40 I’ve ever spent. The men on there really were the dregs. In a month I was bombarded with messages from dreadful men, quite a few in their late 60’s and 70’s and I only had 2 chats both of which fizzled out very quickly.

I would never pay again.

SamW98 It's funny isn't it. I get loads of matches from mine (obviously they don't go anywhere, & at the moment it's tumbleweed, but still)

@NervesOfCotton

I found all of my likes were either hideous, 20 somethings looking for a MILF, looked like they’d been dug up or lived about 400 miles away.

I’ve been off the apps 4 months now and got to say not missing the delightful messages about my tits and whether I’m into BDSM on a daily basis 🤣🤣

@NervesOfCotton Thank you for explaining! I used Bumble aaaaages ago, so I don't recall/forgot them having that daily swipe limit

@SamW98 I remember your Ourtime horror story. I can't believe people actually offered BDSM 😩

just wanted to pop on and say still taking a break from dating and any apps, and still feeling so much better for it. I’ve even deleted social media for Jan, feb and March to really have a re-set. I’ve come to the conclusion I must be a more “in person” person if that makes sense?! Like I don’t think I come across great in messages.
So I go to the gym, go to work and go out when I can and hopefully when I am least expecting it someone will turn up! And if they don’t…. Right now I’m ok with that. Also looking at booking a solo holiday for a few days this year. Or is that sad?! Sending positive vibes to all that need it ✨

@cassiatwenty

I might still have the screenshot of BDSM man on my phone as that one definitely went into the group chat 🤣

He was awful anyway, had about 8 chins. I do think Ourtime was my turning point when I thought ‘I can’t do this anymore’

SamW98 cassiatwenty I had one (first one) looking for a 'Dom' the other week... I didn't know what the hell he was on about, he was making all these references & I was just 'Huh?' the conversation reading it back was hilarious
He apologized in the end (Once the penny finally dropped for me!) & said 'I think I was way off the mark there wasn't I'.

Generally, my problems on Bumble are that they are just after sex, have nothing to say or we can't match up our free-time to meet.

My problems on the Free dating site are they are just after sex, or they are 20, or 70

Haven’t say I’m quite envious of the people who say their OLD experience has been positive and great fun. And I’m amazed to read women on here saying they’ve had no or few sleazy creepy men. That’s pretty much all I got. It does make me wonder sometimes what it is about me that attracts these types

SamW98 Yeah I get LOADS of that. It's not you. At all.

I wonder if it's to do with the extent to which profiles appeal to men's primal urges... with ones that show a bit of flesh or an obvious bust triggering those, even if there's nothing especially revealing being shown. I had a friend who says she has a photo with some cleavage - she showed me the photo and it was no more than modest cleavage - and she got guys commenting on that. She removed it and although pervy messages didn't stop completely, it definitely did seem to help.

If that's right, some of these men really are pathetic!

I had one photo on my profile wearing a v neck top showing a bit of cleavage. It was a calf length dress, not tight or skimpy and yes I think that’s the photo that got the most sexual comments. I was very clear on my profile that I wasn’t looking for hook ups or casual but seems a glimpse of boob was too much for the Neanderthals to actually read the words 🤣

Another photo was full length and I was wearing wet look shiny leggings with a black shirt - very normal attire for a winter night out. And I got a few comments about that pic as well. One asked if my trousers were easy wipe clean 🤢 and another said I had the sort of arse he’d love to grab while I’m on top. And these men are in their 50’s ffs surely by their age they’ve learnt how to speak to women like normal humans you’d have thought

Moonfishstar That's interesting. I never had any cleavage showing on any photos, & the sex messages were always full on. I put a 'Slight bit of cleavage' one on in the summer & the only difference with the messages now are I get a lot of 'I love that photo in the Red dress'.

What app are you using? I only saw them on hinge when men can comment on pictures etc without matching. Or is this men that you're matched?

I’ve been off the apps since October as the sleaze just got too much for me to be arsed anymore.

But I think I tried most of them at some point last year and had similar comments on all of them. The worst was POF - I only lasted a few days but i did get a couple of dates on there. That was the app I got the worst messages on plus that’s where I matched with the phone wanker 🤢Ourtime was pretty dreadful as well.

Bumble wasn’t as bad but I found that after matching and a few normal messages, a high % turned the chat sexual quickly. Again I got a few dates from there.

Hinge was tumbleweed for me. In 3-4 months I didn’t get a single match, not one.

I even tried FB dating but there were too many friends of friends - including my mates ex fiancé who tried to match with me ffs

User990 Bumble after they've matched, within a couple of messages (or the first message) & the other one I'm on is just a free site where anybody can message.

Help !!
Had a chat with a guy at lunchtime today, his profile pictures looked really nice and he sounded reasonable until he said something about a previous girlfriend who was 20 years younger. He asked me out for drinks and I accepted then he sent a WhatsApp app. The trouble is I don't really think I want to meet up at all...I felt put on the spot on the call and followed through. Also he looked completely different on his WhatsApp pic.

Then I had a chat with another guy this evening, really great conversation, we agreed to meet. His profile pictures were fine but he's sent through other pictures and he's really not attractive to me at all... What do I do?