Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@NoDatingFor0ldMen yeah but if it's (in this example) the beardy one, then what 😵but yeah would be good to add only pictures that represent the reality

I think I was too honest when I was on OLD. All my photos were less than 3 months old, not filtered, not taken professionally, several full length. My age and height were accurate. Every single word on my profile was true.

Maybe that’s where I went wrong 🤣

My whirlwind romance is definitely over, with the world‘s worst excuse of ‘I knew I really liked you immediately but it seemed messy [my past relationship] and that made me anxious which I can’t do anything about, so see ya, no hard feelings’.

none of it makes sense, had the best connection I’ve ever had with someone, not in a lovebombing way, but in a ‘bloody hell we get each others sense of humour, it feels so easy and natural to be with you, and we’d have so much fun together‘ way, but he’s obviously a bit of a player, or can’t cope with commitment which begs the question of why he’s on dating apps. Seems to be the way though, right?

so if you’re up north and find yourself attracted to a local radio show host, be careful because he has no clue wtf he wants.

im beyond gutted, because part of me felt like I’d ‘earned’ this bit of good luck, but hey ho.

this is rough, you lot- sending you all solidarity!

Dipping my toe in. A work colleague and I have been discussing OLD and I’d like to get back out there so have made a profile on bumble. Definitely want to take things slow with the next man but oh my god, some of the men I’ve been swiping left on - why can’t they take decent photos?!

@Treezylover oh no - that sounds rubbish. Sending 💐.

And @JH20000 totally agree. I’m no oil painting but some of those photos …..!

@JH20000 it's like they're really proud of their nose hair and want to show every single one 😂

@JH20000

I often think ‘you’re trying to find the love of your life and you can’t even be arsed to find an in focus photo’

I do find a lot of men on OLD can’t be arsed to make any effort (not all men obviously, but a lot!) I was on it a few years back and it seems to have not changed.

Have matched with a couple of men, one asks ‘how long u bin single 4?’ Immediately unmatched him.

The second keeps telling me his smart watch states he’s got the fitness of a 20 year old (he’s 50). I think he’s trying to impress me 😂

My self esteem is rubbish at the moment and I’m having counselling so OLD may not be the best thing for me right now, but I’ll take it casually and just see what happens.

Then he probably has a beard right now ( as lots of us do ), you can’t really ask to shave it off in the same way he can’t really ask you to change your hairstyle 🤷🏼

Thank you @HappyasLarrynot, I’ve decided to get over it by getting under someone else 👀😂- what could go wrong?!

dating apps are blowing my mind though- seeing as everyone lives up mountains, how come they’re not all bumping into each other and hooking up? The whole world is simultaneously up a mountain, and single! Or is that just cos I’m near the lakes?

@Treezylover sorry but all of that has made me laugh (thank you!). I agree re the mountains, can’t believe they’re not all in a little commune!

Good luck with the under/over thing … who knows what might happen 😂

I’ve decided to not ghost a guy I’ve been chatting to and send him a message to explain why I will no longer be messaging him. We matched 4 weeks ago and he has not suggested a meet-up. We are coming up to our 4th weekend matched and… nothing.

I can’t for the life of me understand why men want to chat for weeks and weeks and not suggest meeting for a coffee to see if there’s actual real life chemistry?!

Are they married/coupled up and on the apps for an ego boost? Seems like risky behaviour given he has 6 photos of himself on his profile (they could be photos of someone else, I suppose)

I know I could have suggested a coffee myself, but I like men who take initiative and signal their interest.

Oh and here’s the message!

What a waste of nearly a month!

I think I need some ground rules going forward. Perhaps give them 2 weeks to exchange numbers / suggest a date, otherwise cut my losses?

Wow, what a genuinely lovely message to send.

And yeah, four weeks is crazy.

I’m off the apps, I’ve been off for ages, I can’t bring myself to go back on because of all the disappointments, one after the other. Penpals are just the very tip of the iceberg.

I’d go for one week, unless one of you is away on a trip or something. But in that case I’d stop messaging until a meet up is possible.

@Crushed23 will he see the message? Have you unmatched yet?

No, I haven’t unmatched, but I suspect he will when he sees it, ha.

Or maybe it’ll spur him into action

I’m off the apps at mo but my standard was at least start trying to arrange a meet up after a week even if the date was another week or so ahead.

I tend to have plans mapped out in advance so it’s a juggling act trying to find something that works for both at times plus I only really do daytime meet ups for a first date so its weekends only.

@Crushed23 thank you for sharing that message... really well put. @SamW98 I agree, I think the conversation gets a bit pathetic to be honest, you don't want to spill your life to someone you've not met nor do you want to talk about what you had for dinner.

This message is really well put @Crushed23 much better than ghosting someone.

It is the balancing act with OLD. Stay on the app without swapping numbers and it goes nowhere or swap numbers and risk the dick pic

Tbh I prefer to go to WhatsApp after a few days rather than keep going in and out of the app. But any nonsense and they’re blocked

@Crushed23 did you suggest meeting up?

I’ve said this before but there’s so many men using g apps as a liminal space, a waiting room to get some sort of invalidation while not willing to actually risk anything serious. So they get the emotional side from the messages, sex side from porn and don’t need to make any other effort. I’ve come across it loads. I try to arrange a meeting within a week or two now. But even then, one or two have seemed so good on first and second dates (not in a love bombing way) on first and second date and then flaked out.

Am sort of over it TBH. When I do go out, I can meet people sort of easily… it’s just getting time to go out! I don’t do well on apps historically.

Oops, should have edited that