Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I’ve offloaded my date from last week. Been messed around a bit this week but he had something going on so was kind of waiting to see what happened and it’s not happening. There is naff all on Bumble around here so going to just check in with it once a week and try and get out and about a lot more I think. Im
not desperate to rush into anything but would be nice just to have options 😂

@RosieAway ah mine was a T. For ‘Tit’, obvs!

we’ll be fine, and probably look back on this and laugh, right? But have to be honest- really hoping that in a few months he realises and comes back begging 😂, in the meantime I’m gonna drop a stone, live my best life and get ready to have amazing sex with someone better- hope you’ve got a sanity strategy up your sleeve too!

@Treezylover haha. I too am also hoping he realises the huge mistake he’s made and comes back! Although not sure I’d actually want him by then… mine wanted to stay friends. No thanks. But it did feel like it was something special… what reason did yours give btw?

Loving your strategy! I’m off any apps and just trying to go out in real life. However, I’m not in London anymore and it’s all rather dire! Def concentrating on myself though and resisting the offer to get back with the truly bad for me ex in consolation!

Omg @RosieAway it’s like we’re the same person! We’d been very candid and I thought he was genuinely curious about my recent relationship, I mistakenly told him too much and that my ex was still in love with me, and that he’d paid for an outstanding gift for my kids that we had to use and I was feeling very guilty about it. He said he liked me a lot and that he was worried there were still loose ends to be tied up and it made him too anxious.

been in touch since then now everything has a line drawn under it (I have no regrets as that relationship wasn’t good for me and I let it go on far too long), but he said the same thing- he was anxious about how much he liked me, with no suggestion to meet again, so his excuse is clearly bullshit. However…. Not knowing the truth has been really difficult. I only met him for a few drinks and a laugh, didn’t expect anything else, and it’s hit me like a smack in the chops tbh!

as if you want to stay friends with someone you feel like that about- that’s absolute torture. Don’t blame you for being off the apps, I’ve come off now as I’m just going to compare and find lacking, pathetically!

If you check in with Bumble once a week you will miss any matches you have. From the time of the match you only have 24 hours to message.

@2anddone realistically would you want a man who has all that going on in his life? I dated someone who had undergone a huge amount of trauma and it felt like he was putting across his best side to me to paper over the cracks of who he was/what he was going through. I think in my case he just wanted to feel close to someone. I appreciate everyone has their own issues but beware of getting involved if you/your family are in a good place yourselves. He's already communicated he has issues, you should listen to him before you get in deeper.

@JH20000

Id give him the benefit of the doubt with the cold because so many people are sick right now. It depends on his response from now on

Colds are two a penny at this time of year... and I'd give someone the benefit of the doubt if they were otherwise decent. However, I'd expect him to suggest a date in a week or so's time and take the initiative on that given that he was the reason from the cancellation (albeit not his fault).

As for ignoring you, how long has it been? Taking him at his word that he has a bad cold, I'd give him a bit of space... but I'd expect a positive response within no more than 48 hours (and only that long because I'd be giving him allowance for having a bad cold) actively seeking to re-arrange.

I've only blocked on WhatsApp if the other person is nasty or won't take no for an answer... I don't think many people block everyone who they just aren't planning to see again - they just let it drift.

I get it regarding the cold, I’ve been really unwell myself lately so definitely wanted to give the benefit of the doubt but he was texting absolutely fine until he cancelled. Now it’s gone to nothing. My gut feeling is telling me he’s not bothered but I’ll sit back and see what happens - if he texts then great if he doesn’t then it’s no loss.

its going as badly as I thought it would. Im getting very little interest, but then i have the kind of life that really is quite different to everyone else like me. I have found someone to go to Swan Lake tonight, nothing dating wise but it does mean I dont have to go alone. Odile’s fouettés and quite a lot of tutting old ladies await.Has anyone else noticed the similarities in the Swan Lake and Harry Potter scores ?

I decided to give Mr S a third try at the weekend, met for Sunday lunch (on me) and cinema (on him). Weird date, it came across as though he didn't really want to be there, though he'd been very keen before, and he did ask me to go to an event with him later this week.

Sent the ' no spark' text this morning and he replied 'agreed' so that's that.

@Adateworsethandeath prob (def) being paranoid but may I ask your rough whereabouts? Or any other vague deets re Mr S?

additionally, very annoying if he showed up but clearly would rather not be there. Cowardly in fact. Well done for calling it

@RosieAway in Kent.

@Adateworsethandeath Phew (assuming he is too)

It’s not the legendary Steve from Kent is it?

@SamW98 no, S isn't his real initial - but the legendary Steve sounds concerning
Could you pm me any info or link to comments about him, so I can avoid him? Ta.

It’s just been a bit of a running joke through this thread that every time I went on Bumble speed dating, I got matched with Steve from Kent and a couple of others on here thought they’d matched with him as well.

Hes probably a really nice guy - it was just s bit of a laugh that he appeared everywhere.

I’m have a legendary B from Kent. But imagine every county does 🙄

Ooh are there 3 of us in Kent. God, the quality is low. Morbidly obese 'sex positive' geezers posing in bed. Smarmy-looking alleged CEOs with Paul Hollywood beards holding skis. Men who look like Ronnie Corbett in the show Sorry. Chavvy 30 year olds with gold chains and a thing for older women. Where are the normal men?

I’m in Essex but used to get a lot of matches in Kent as it’s only other side of river.

Believe me, the Essex men are nothing to write home about. Lots of heavily tattooed blokes with bad haircuts, chubby bald ones claiming to be 6 foot, plenty doing the crossed arms pose outside the London Stadium and far too many tangoed faces doing a ‘sexy’ lounging in bed pose 🤢

And wherever you are in the country there’s a selection blurry selfies of pasty faced slobs in Hi Viz holding the phone at arms length and just as many with the obligatory giant fish

@SamW98 haha. Too true!

Am in Kent but used to get matches in Essex for the same reason. Off Bumble and all and any apps now after the last lovely (or so I thought) Essex bloke called it off citing distance. I know I know, but pretty heartbreaking after forming an amazing connection and actually having discussed the distance issue beforehand, so I call BS. Although I have dated people long-term in different countries, so perhaps that’s just me not thinking it’s a massive issue.

(also now curious if you’ve come across Mr S from Essex!)

I used to have a rule to not match with anyone who’d taken a selfie in their car. Always turned out to be wronguns

@Adateworsethandeath ha, this! And the same 10 blokes on repeat, literally still there 3 years after I first looked (ok, well then so am I but have been off apps with someone for most of that time)
Normal men seems to be an oxymoron when it comes to the apps. Although London was more promising…

@SamW98 I am originally from Essex so I feel your pain.

I forgot about the pasty faces in high Viz, usually scowling.