Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@NervesOfCotton

I only knew because it’s right next to the unmatch button and I once clicked on it by mistake trying to unmatch someone 🤦‍♀️

He sounds a nightmare. How presumptuous to just call before even chatting on message. Nah he’s definitely one for the blocked list

SamW98 Did you manage to hang up before he answered?!

I've had a first message if 'Hi, would you like to do a video call?' Before. I answered that with 'Maybe. Later'

@NervesOfCotton It really makes me question why some men are single 🧐😂😂

Hi all - I'm new here. I haven't dated since before the pandemic. Divorced since 2013. Had a couple of relationships since, all died down. Last one - I had an on and off fling with an old friend in 2021-2022 but we both knew we didn't want a long term relationship. He was freshly divorced back then and I was feeling alone. He lives abroad now and that chapter is closed.

I signed up to an app mid-Dec and connected with one person so far, Mr C. We have tons of things in common and we decided to try and meet up two weeks ago. However we both cancelled the date: he had covid early Jan, then and I had a family emergency and I wasn't feeling in the mood for a date. We're still chatting on whatsapp but I'm feeling like I lost momentum and interest... and I'm now considering deleting my online dating account altogether. It's so time consuming to talk to people online... and I feel it's useless, nothing good will ever come out of it, unless you are very lucky or perhaps smart about it. I'm not one of those people :-)

Please tell me it's all worth it. I do feel (very) alone and like "I should do something about it" but it's hard to meet people when you work from home and are a single parent. I play tennis but haven't met anyone at/through my club.

Does anyone have a good story on here? Or any words of wisdom or encouragement for me? Thanks.

Hi emotionally available I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. I know one person who met somebody & they've been together a few years now. There are some success stories on the previous dating threads. People post every now & again to let us know that it is possible!

I'd say probably most of us who regularly post on here, have a post somewhere along the way saying 'What's the point?! It's never gonna work for me!' For me, personally, I'm at a stage where I'm looking but not letting it take over my life. I keep looking because, like you, I don't seem to be meeting men any other way, so may as well continue with this. There is ghosting & abusive/crappy behaviour to put up with though. It's not easy.

I wish you happiness in your future, whatever you decide to do

LittleFloatingGhost Baffling, isn't it
I hope you are doing ok?

I think you hit the nail on the head with the not meeting comment,

most of my friends are male, most work colleagues are male, hobby / social friends are male etc etc.

when I started seeing Teacher, most of her friends & colleagues are female and I was suddenly in this circle of single women that I would never had met otherwise,

I think all people tend to gravitate towards their own gender & identity type most easily so meeting others ( especially if you are older), can be a real struggle

NoDatingFor0ldMen Yes, I'm going to a lot of single parents groups now & those are always women. My work is mainly women. (Or late teens/early 20's men) And the single parent male who I met on the school run turned out to be an idiot

emotionallyavailable

my honest opinion is that doing online dating because you feel lonely isn’t necessarily the answer (or the only answer )

and i hear you ! I used to work in a busy office
lots of male and female company and it was fun

I’ve been working from home 4 years now and it’s a problem (and a blessing i do know that )

and there are successes , of course there are

Anyway I totally hear you

and if I’m being brutally honest the thread (and board ) doesn’t help me as I read of the crap dates, the ghosts and I think nah , fuck that !

Hi everyone
I hoped I was done with OLD but I think I might be back on the apps soon.

I've been dating Mr Noodles for about 3mths. We get on really well.....when we manage to meet.
Unfortunately, he has so much going on. He works 6 days a week (his own business), has his young kids 50/50 and has extra family staying with him for the next 3 months.

I knew this after our first date but we discussed it and initially it seemed good. We managed to meet twice a week.
Then Christmas came and he went back to his home country for a couple of weeks.

Since he came back, he's had various disasters at work that have meant dates being cancelled.

It all came to a head this week when I misunderstood a joke he made by text and he took offence. He likes to joke around a lot, I was feeling ill and fed up that he'd cancelled yet another date, so wasn't in the mood to play along.

I've said we should meet and sort it out and he has agreed but the earliest we can do that will be Sunday.
But now he gone into his man cave and all I get is Good morning and good night texts.

I suppose at least he is keeping communication open. But it's not looking good.

Hi, I am not a big message person, I find it quite hard to put the energy into messaging someone I haven't met.
On an app I connected with a very nice guy and we had a great telephone conversation. I was away on holiday and we fixed a date on my return, this evening in fact.
He wasn't feeling well and asked to move the date, so I gave him lots of alternatives over the next days and he came back with the suggestion that we meet next week but no date. I just feel as though he is putting off meeting...we messaged every day while I was away but honestly I can't put the energy into doing that for another week...I really don't want a "hope you had a nice day" with a stranger...any thoughts? I know he had something as a day patient in hospital but he hasn't said what..

@Livelifelaughter

we messaged every day while I was away but honestly I can't put the energy into doing that for another week...I really don't want a "hope you had a nice day" with a stranger...any thoughts?

If you haven't got the energy for a simple message every day to maintain momentum, you haven't got nearly enough energy to be dating!

That said, I can see why you're reluctant to continue messaging with a guy who won't commit to a date, but that's a different thing. If he genuinely wants to meet, he'll suggest a date, especially as you've already given suggestions. If he doesn't, then he's another one of those guys that just wants to chat online!

Thankfully yes 🤣🤣

Ive not had as bad as your example but did have the one who as soon as we swapped numbers to go to WhatsApp he instantly tried to video call me then got really rude and nasty when I didn’t pick up saying I obviously had something to hide and was probably a catfish.

And these men are single why 🤔

@NellyTheCake

Sorry to hear your update but if it’s struggling after only 3 months then I agree the signs aren’t looking good.

I have a second date with Mr S. I'm worried that physically he's not my type (not that I have strong preferences) but I've decided to give it another chance. If nothing comes of it, or we end up as just friends, that's fine. If it develops into attraction, also fine.

@emotionallyavailable

If Mr C seems like a decent guy then I'd persevere, try and regain some momentum, and set a date, as the cancellations just seem like a bit of bad luck - no one can help Covid and family emergencies. I've been dating someone for a few months now from OLD and it's going really well, but things could have easily petered out before we met as I was moving house and had to cancel our first date as I just couldn't manage it with various house things going on. I'm very glad he didn't disengage when I did this, like he could easily have done.

If you haven't got the motivation to at least try that, you probably shouldn't bother with OLD until you do.

Hi I have been messaging this man for the last 8 days. We were supposed to meet this Saturday.
Last night I got the following message...

I may need to work Saturday. Even if I don’t, I just feel shit atm.
I look rough I feel rough. I need to get better. Working outdoors is not helping my chest at all. I sound like a right hypochondriac, but I’m rarely ill. But since new years I’ve been buckled with this virus. I’ll give it a few more days and then go to doctors. I’m just reluctant to take antibiotics.
Can we postpone?
Sorry to be a flake. But better said now than Saturday morning.

I have said yes that's fine (he is self employed in an outdoor job and can't work this week due to weather so I would rather he didn't meet me than spend the whole time mentally listing what he needed to be doing elsewhere). I knew he was ill the first day we matched we text for about an hour and then he said he had to go to rest as was feeling so rough...he sounds rough on the phone too!

We haven't arranged another date yet as I told him to make sure he is better first, We spoke on the phone last night for 2 hours and have been texting all day today so I don't think he isn't planning on meeting up.
I am now worried we have friend zoned each other....although some of our messages have definitely not been in the friend zone!

God this is a nightmare why the hell did I sign up...come on you lovely people with far more experience than me does this sound like I am being fobbed off??

Thanks, I agree it's not looking good.
I'm flip-flopping every day between just giving up on him and dumping him by text. Or trying to talk to him and work things out.

It's not helping that he has his kids til Sunday so that's the earliest I can see him. I feel like I'm in limbo here and I'm over-thinking everything.
If he keeps texting me just good morning/good night, does that mean he's still interested or is too polite to just stop?
Or is he thinking the same as me?

This is when you realise how little you know someone after 3 months.
So frustrating because I really like him and I know he feels the same.

If he's self employed and can't work this week then he won't be earning any money. And his work will be piling up. So I can imagine he wants to take the earliest opportunity to catch up with work.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe ask if he can let you know by a certain time tomorrow if he can't meet. And ask for an alternative time and day. Or suggest one yourself.

@2anddone

I would give him benefit of doubt at mo as so many people are really unwell with a horrible virus. But I’d be looking to get meeting up arranged quite quickly afterwards as I’ve always found that the longer it goes without a date, the less likely meeting actually becomes as one or other goes off the boil.

@NellyTheCake we have since decided that we aren't meeting Saturday as I was getting a lift to the train station as my son needs the car so kind of needed to know what I was doing!
I am on a 4 day weekend next weekend so going to suggest meeting up one of those days as no plans except the Saturday lunchtime.
Have never been in a situation where I can talk to a man for so long about so much stuff and him talk to me before plus then text none stop too...I like it and really like him from my conversations but we have covered a lot of ground in our phone calls so sometimes wonder if we now know too much about each other!!

This is what concerns me I want to meet before either if us go off the boil, have to keep telling myself it's only been 8 days since we matched as feels so much longer and have talked almost every day for up to 2 hours at a time!

Hi all
Shouldn't really be here, I looked the thread up for a friend who's back on the apps lately and I said she needed this thread - and you all - to see her through the madness.

I wanted to post as a 'graduate'. I was on here in 2019 and had a rollercoaster ride through the apps post-marriage break up and honestly, the rules and the chat kept me sane. I met a lovely guy in early 2020 (thank god! Would have been so so lonely through lockdown otherwise) and we've been together since. Joint mortgage, shiny piece of jewellery. He makes me so happy. I'm so glad I took the leap.

Take a break if you need it, be sane and sensible in your choices, but be brave, take chances, give chances, enjoy the ride.

And yes, anyone who says they're ill at the moment believe them - most of my workplace seem to be battling through either Covid or a chest infection currently.

Thanks @Backinthedress I needed to read this today
So pleased you found your person

You're so welcome. He's been away this week and I'm waiting to hear his plane has landed and even after living together for nearly 2 years and being together nearly 4 years I've got butterflies that I'll see him again soon :)