Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@2anddone Why has he cancelled coffee with the other match? I always found chemistry when messaging had nothing to do with chemistry in person, so I wouldn’t have cancelled personally. Are you both still on for next weekend?

Also, where is @NoDatingFor0ldMen?

@2anddone I'd assume she has cancelled him so he's pitched it the other way to you.

2anddone I'm aware that I'm being negative about this man in all of my posts to you, but his behaviour to me suggests game playing. It also crossed my mind that he might not have just joined up. Sometimes they just say that, I've caught men out with that before.

BUT I hope that I'm being completely cynical, you get your meet & he turns out to be lovely!

@NervesOfCotton I dont feel you are being cynical at all it's really helping me stay grounded so thank you

Last night we spent 4 hours texting back and forth with no break, I said no to a phone call as my two were at home and I haven't told them I am on any dating sites (they are 15 and 18 and currently I feel it's a need to know basis...if anything happens that I feel they need to know I would tell them but they wouldn't be meeting any randoms I meet for coffee anyway!!!)

He said that he cancelled as he didn't like that they hadnt messaged since the day they matched on Monday but then she just messaged 'coffee Sunday' they arranged a place and time and they haven't messaged since so he said he cancelled on intuition....I don't know whether to believe that or not!

Meet is still on for this coming Saturday...will be intrigued to see if he cancels it by then though.

Chemistry is currently feeling really good over phone and via text...talking about all things from serious things to funny, so I am hoping it's the same in person if it isn't I have had some really good chats over the past 5 days and it was a nice way to start my OLD journey!

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife @Loopylooni
Thanks for your replies...I agree she probably cancelled him not the other way around.
As for the chemistry...I haven't done an OLD meet yet to know if it's any different from someone I chat to or not will keep you all posted if I don't get cancelled on Ssturday!
So pleased I found this thread

2anddone There's a saying of 'Its not real until it's real' (Not sure it's it's in the rules at the front of this thread but I've read it on here)
The phonecalls/video calls are good & it's nice that he's in contact, but it's not real until you meet.

I had a similar conversation with one yesterday, he's saying that it takes time to build a relationship so we shouldn't rush to meet. I said yes but we aren't building a relationship now, we are just 2 strangers until we meet. Also, if we meet for an hour for a coffee, that isn't going to suddenly hurtle us into a 'relationship'.

He answered that with 'I think I see what you are saying, but I just don't want to rush'. I simply said 'Meeting for a coffee isn't rushing. It's a date, which is what you are apparently looking for' & I've blocked him now.

My kids are with their dad, which is why I've been hanging round on here

@2anddone

Id be very wary of him personally as I think he’s telling you WAY too much. Hes either very inexperienced with dating or he’s playing a game because he doesn’t need to be giving all this information about another woman before you’ve even met.

@NervesOfCotton

Dint blame you for blocking he sounds like a time waster who just wants a pen pal.

I don’t get anyone on dating sites who doesn’t actually want to date 🤷‍♀️

@NervesOfCotton I think you did absolutely the right thing blocking, I would be wary of anyone who didn't want to meet and just wanted to text...no one wants a penpal!!

@SamW98 I am very wary, he has said that he hasn't dated for over 15 months and never done online dating....so I am hoping that he is just inexperienced BUT I am going into this with my eyes wide open and very wary of any game playing!!

My friend has been single a while and met a guy a couple of weeks ago in a local pub. They’re both 50+ and she til me he’s hit a really good job as a sales executive meaning he travels a lot for work.

They've had a few dates, they’ve kissed but nothing more. So she invited him to stay at hers last night. They were messaging and chatting on phone during week but he was away for work for a few days then went a bit quiet.

She woke up Friday morning to a message from him - a fucking dick pic with a comment he’s giving her a preview of tomorrows treat

WTF is wrong with men?? She’s blocked him now but it’s not just OLD where these sleaze balls operate. They’re out in the wild as well

SamW98 Ugh what a pig! FFS there are sooo many men like this aren't there!

2anddone Yeah I've been here, done that too many times before... Once they say 'I don't want to meet yet'... 99% of the time it's never going to happen (for me anyway! Others might find different)

@GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife Hello 👋
Have been seeing someone on/ off for a while, but it’s more on that off now, but still slow going, a few ups and downs ( no pun intended), around communications and expectations but moving along nicely now.

Honest communication has been a key factor, and I still struggle to say when I’m not happy about something, ( as most men probably do ) whereas she has absolutely no qualms about that, so I do feel im constantly the back foot ☹️ but let’s how this year pans out.

100% agree with this ^^, messaging is no substitute for real life chemistry

the person I’m seeing used to send these massive messages, real walls of text that put me right off her.

I'm short messages and 👍🏼 , but I’m training her to be more like me now 😂😂

Also agree with this ^^ there is a time & place for dick / tit pics and it’s not early on

There’s never a right time for me. I find naked photos grim tbh. Zero interest in seeing a photo of a penis.

However if it’s consensual and not unsolicited that’s fine if both parties like that sort of thing. I’d always be very wary though

Got to be honest. The 👍 is seen by many as passive agressive and would be a real turn off for a lot of women.

Its probably irrational but anyone sending me the thumb would be a deal breaker

And if you don’t like it, then that’s fine, we have seen each other naked a lot and the odd naked pic seems quite harmless ( to use ) really, and keeps the connection going during the periods we don’t see each other so much

@NoDatingFor0ldMen dick/tit pics before seeing each naked not ok...after is ok I think.
I agree with 👍being seen as passive aggressive, whenever I get one I always assume someone just wants to end the conversation!!

@NoDatingFor0ldMen you have been dating someone and you didn’t tell us? 😤😡

Who is she where did you meet what is she like etc etc etc 😁

I think that’s really interesting, and shows how different people are, my messages are short and to the point, I prefer talking to be face to face to typing and she has moved towards my style ( for messaging)
other aspects of our relationship have moved towards her style now & I been the one having to adjust , communication and understanding are a struggle for both of us, but we are both adaptable and constantly adjusting to each other

Oh wait - is it teacher lady?

Yeah - she is used to talking and people listening & I’m probably more of an introvert, so there are times I feel like I’m being talked too like a pupil, so that’s a struggle for both of us to deal with

My only issue with that is if you message and block, can he still see your message?

And agree that a coffee is not ‘building a relationship’. A coffee is nothing. I’d have a coffee with literally anyone. I’d have a coffee with all the (probably married) bin men if I thought they wanted one by the time they get to my house. If you can’t even agree to a coffee/low key meeting then what’s the point of messaging?

Ooh interesting. But did she dump you in the summer holidays or have I got that wrong?