Dp not helping because he’s mad at me?

[Rachoss93]

honestly I am not quite sure what I have done.

dp has been off with me for a few days now. Just seems to be angry at me, we haven’t barely spoken he’s ignored me, gone to bed without me, been rude to me etc. the only thing I can think is that I’m due on my period and the week before I’m due I’m not as ‘tolerable’ of him as I usually am, so I may have been a bit snappy?

the only thing that has really happened on my side is that I was trying to get the dc changed after a sports club and shower, get things from the locker to the changing room (I do it all by myself, dp will just sit there) and as I was struggling back and forth taking things to the changing room he said ‘take all of your stuff from the locker and put it in the changing room’. I snapped and said ‘i am!’.. so be fair it wasn’t that bad but there was a hint of attitude in it as I was frustrated.

long story short, dp has told me last night that he will not be picking the dc up from school with me today. This is our routine on a Monday, we pick up dc then he drives us to their sports club and we spend time together then we pick them up. He has told me he won’t be coming so I’ll be getting the bus with the dc after school and doing it by myself. This is nothing unusual, as I do this everyday alone. But I look forward to the Mondays because I know he will be there to help drive us and I will have company (I am very lonely and this is the only time we really get to spend together).

im upset, not because I can’t handle it… as I do this everyday anyway. I’m upset that this seems to be my ‘punishment’ now the 1 day I can have some adult company and adult conversation and he’s refusing to come with me.

this morning I sent over the grocery list (I send the list and he picks it up from the supermarket in his car - otherwise I wouldn’t be able to bring shopping on a bus it’s not realistic for me). Every Monday is our routine for food shopping, I sent it and he replied saying ‘sorry but no. Not today. You have put me in a bad place’. I am now extremely confused, I don’t know how I have put him in a ‘bad place’.

I think it is very childish, the food shopping is rarely for me, everything on the list is either for him or the dc. I have gone to the shops go buy as much as I could carry today but I don’t understand why he would behave this way? It feels like I am being punished and I really don’t know what is that serious to cause this?

everything seems to bother him with me at the moment. For example, we went swimming recently and I forgot a small kids ball that we usually take with us. Baring in mine I do everything! Pack all the bags, handle the dc, get the dc changed before and after.. everything. Something so small as forgetting the ball would be a huge problem for him. He will ask me what’s going on with me lately? As if there’s something wrong with me for keep making these mistakes? Something that an average person wouldn’t think twice about but he gets very upset about. It’s as if I should never make a mistake.

has your dp ever behaved this way?

My dh has once tried this and I called him out on it.

I said that if he had a problem with something I've done, he needs to raise it with me so that I can acknowledge what I've (apparently) done and we can discuss it. I said that if he chooses to give me the silent treatment (which is basically, emotionally abusive), then whatever problem he had with me pales into significance as his actions are then worse than whatever he thinks I've done.

He isn't prepared to talk about it? Then it becomes his problem.

I told dh that making me wait an indefinite amount of time while he decides to forgive me is completely unacceptable behaviour and if he does it again I'll leave him. Harsh, but fair. And I would follow through on it.

Stop feeling guilty for whatever you might have done, because any moral right he had about the way he was spoken to had been lost from his frankly disgusting treatment of you afterwards.

You need to learn to drive and you need to kick him out. He's lazy and mean.

Sounds totally miserable OP.

Is there a reason that you don't drive? You sound quite dependent on him in some ways which could be irritating and you give off a vibe that you are 'less' than him.

What does he add to the relationship? Apart from the driving! I'd be taking steps to make sure that I was completely independent and then be looking to leave as he's treating you appallingly. Do you work? Do you have your own finances?

Sulky little boy isn't he?

How many children do you have, not including the manchild?

I can drive! I have had my license years before he got his. He has a lovely car meanwhile I take dc on busses in rain or shine every day (except the occasions he decides to help). He wouldn’t share his car with me, in fact there was a time he bought a new car and had his old one just sat there before he sold it. He told me he could easily give that car to me but I ‘wasn’t ready for that’??? Whatever that means?? financially I wouldn’t be able to afford a car at all. Hopefully in the future!

he works 7 days a week, I’m practically alone all of the time with dc. I have a few interviews at the moment so hoping to secure a job soon!

Are you unmarried and not working? This is a very precarious financial spot to put yourself in.

Do you both rent or own the home?

What happened to the car you had?

Id message and say ok I'll go to the shop. I won't be able to pick ds up tho. You will need to do it and tonight we need to sit and discuss this problem you have.

Good plan

"Food shop or swimming - which one are you doing, because you have a child that needs feeding and taking to its activities. Pick one"

I'd be tempted to add "or don't bother coming home tonight" but he seems like he could be a very angry man.

Your issues here go WAY beyond him being a huffy man child. You are in a seriously abusive relationship, he is controlling and emotionally abusive. You need to contact women's aid to get your head clear on what is happening to you here, this is really worse than you realise. Good luck

Is he in a mood because he wants sex?

What on gods little green earth are you doing wasting your time with this arse? Read back what you wrote. Your manchild is sulking and therefore won't do the very limited activities that he normally does to support his household / child. Well fuck him. I'd never do a single thing for him again. He can buy his own fucking food, do his own fucking laundry, cook his own fucking meals. I'd spend any and all spare time working out what steps I needed to take to leave this twatbadger. Then you'll only need to depend on yourself and only need to do for yourself. You could spend spare time with friends, maybe date, get a car....

Honestly this dude is totally awful. You could really do better! My ex husband would be a better option than this guy and that's saying something - want his number?

He sounds absolutely awful and you would be better off without him. Can you start looking at options to leave, depending on housing and financial arrangements?

Learn to drive, order groceries online and make yourself busy one evening a week so the running around is solely his responsibility at least once a week. He sounds very immature and like he is enjoying the power imbalance. Take some power back.

Yes unmarried. Yes not working (although currently studying) hoping to get back into the workforce asap! Couldn’t work prior as had no childcare help and was raising dc (I have 3) for all those years until they were all in full time school.

home is rented.

I had a car prior to having dc. Sold it as financial I could afford it however it was very expensive, I didn’t have children then and made more sense to use that money on other things (such as having experiences/dates with dp, helping to support him financially back then as he was in financial struggles etc)

Oh yeah - online grocery shopping is definitely the way!

Sorry you're going through this op
I have been given the "silent treatment " for years from my husband.
It's cruel and I have recently started shouting at him if he tries it, forcing a row, or threatening to leave if he continues ignoring me.
He says he's not, when he clearly is!
You need to confront him, calmly but firmly, and tell him you want it sorted "now" or he can go.
You don't actually have to mean it, just bring into the open.
Good luck!

I'd be telling him to fuck right off with his sulking and 'punishment.'

He's abusing you to make you tow the line for him with whatever perceived slight you have supposedly done.

Skip the sport and just bring the kids home. Skip making his fucking dinner for him too.

Order some takeaway for you and the kids.

Your problem here is he's a really, really bad person who enjoys bullying you.

If you want to live a happy life with your kids, you need to kick him out.

Highly doubt it! I have gone out of my way to spice things up recently, satisfy him sexually etc. if he wanted sex he would have initiated it. He hasn’t tried anything in over a week now (would usually be 2-3 days sorry tmi)

yeah OP you know he’s being a twat and this is not right. It’s up to you what you choose to do about it.

What does he actually add to your life? He sounds awful.
Do you want to stay with him?

So you gave up your job (and presumably pension) to care for his children
You sold your car to give him money when he had financial issues
You do basically 24/7 childcare while he "works" 7 days a week

Whose names are on the tenancy?
Does he pay into a private pension for you?
Do you and he have a joint account?

He sounds awful OP, yes, people have ups and downs but this isn't the kind of behaviour people in a healthy relationship display or should expect.

I'd ask him what his problem is, tell him that the food shopping needs to be done and DC need taking to activities and you can't do both. But if he's not likely to change his attitude I'd be making a plan to leave him, this is no way to live, and your children will grow up thinking it's normal, so for their sake, show them another way.

Good luck.

Does he put the same effort into making it good for you too?