Dp not helping because he’s mad at me?

[Rachoss93]

honestly I am not quite sure what I have done.

dp has been off with me for a few days now. Just seems to be angry at me, we haven’t barely spoken he’s ignored me, gone to bed without me, been rude to me etc. the only thing I can think is that I’m due on my period and the week before I’m due I’m not as ‘tolerable’ of him as I usually am, so I may have been a bit snappy?

the only thing that has really happened on my side is that I was trying to get the dc changed after a sports club and shower, get things from the locker to the changing room (I do it all by myself, dp will just sit there) and as I was struggling back and forth taking things to the changing room he said ‘take all of your stuff from the locker and put it in the changing room’. I snapped and said ‘i am!’.. so be fair it wasn’t that bad but there was a hint of attitude in it as I was frustrated.

long story short, dp has told me last night that he will not be picking the dc up from school with me today. This is our routine on a Monday, we pick up dc then he drives us to their sports club and we spend time together then we pick them up. He has told me he won’t be coming so I’ll be getting the bus with the dc after school and doing it by myself. This is nothing unusual, as I do this everyday alone. But I look forward to the Mondays because I know he will be there to help drive us and I will have company (I am very lonely and this is the only time we really get to spend together).

im upset, not because I can’t handle it… as I do this everyday anyway. I’m upset that this seems to be my ‘punishment’ now the 1 day I can have some adult company and adult conversation and he’s refusing to come with me.

this morning I sent over the grocery list (I send the list and he picks it up from the supermarket in his car - otherwise I wouldn’t be able to bring shopping on a bus it’s not realistic for me). Every Monday is our routine for food shopping, I sent it and he replied saying ‘sorry but no. Not today. You have put me in a bad place’. I am now extremely confused, I don’t know how I have put him in a ‘bad place’.

I think it is very childish, the food shopping is rarely for me, everything on the list is either for him or the dc. I have gone to the shops go buy as much as I could carry today but I don’t understand why he would behave this way? It feels like I am being punished and I really don’t know what is that serious to cause this?

everything seems to bother him with me at the moment. For example, we went swimming recently and I forgot a small kids ball that we usually take with us. Baring in mine I do everything! Pack all the bags, handle the dc, get the dc changed before and after.. everything. Something so small as forgetting the ball would be a huge problem for him. He will ask me what’s going on with me lately? As if there’s something wrong with me for keep making these mistakes? Something that an average person wouldn’t think twice about but he gets very upset about. It’s as if I should never make a mistake.

has your dp ever behaved this way?

Wtf? This is one of the worst things I have read on here for a while. He is hugely financially and emotionally abusive and an awful father, and you are tying yourself in knots trying to please him and frantically trying to work out what tiny thing you might have done to upset him.

Please OP, stop letting him bully you and treat you like a faulty household appliance. You can try properly standing up to him, but tbh a man like him clearly isn't going to change even if you do. He sees you as an inferior species to him. Ltb is the only answer, I'm afraid.

You only get one life, OP. Do NOT spend another second of it with this abusive arsehole. He's absolutely vile, which I know is hard for you to see from within the relationship - but his behaviour is so far from normal, or healthy, or caring. He doesn't love you, or the children - no man who loved you would behave like this. Please, please get out, or get him out, as soon as you possibly can - remember, you don't need his permission to end the relationship.

Do you have any supportive people in your life? Parents, siblings , friends? The tone of your posts seems that you are wrestling with all this alone.

Thank you everyone for your responses.

I can see how horrible his behaviour is and that it is not acceptable. Being in the relationship I probably don’t see it as bad as it is. I know I can’t let it continue.

with the dc right now at sports clubs. Then we will take the bus home again. It’s dark outside already, cold and raining. I don’t usually complain but knowing he is relaxing at home with a car just sitting there, it does make me mad. or that he can relax and choose to not take the dc, I don’t ever have that choice

Aw this is tough to read. My ex was the exact same and would leave the house/refuse to come home until I’d practically begged. It made me feel on edge and pander to him for years. Many years.

I am better without him and so would you be! It’s not good for you or your children!

I've just gotten up to date with this thread and I am so sad for you, OP. Heed all of the advice being given to you here, please please. The fact that you and your child are making your way home on public transport in this horrible, wet weather because your partner has decided he wants to make your life more difficult is just vile. Remember, he isn't just subjecting you to this but also your DC. It isn't on and I really hope you treat him with the same contempt when you get home. Or don't interact with him and all and quietly arrange your escape plan. Please do something for yourself, you deserve to be treated with love and respect ❤️

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?. Make no mistake about it, he is absolutely abusive towards you and in turn your children. What do you want to teach them about relationships and what are they learning here?.

you will never please him so stop trying to get his approval. he will
never give you the attention or relationship you deserve because all he cares about is his own stupid self. You and he are not a team. Please contact Womens aid here to go through your options.

Whose name is the tenancy in?.

Stop pandering to your abuser.
it’s so terrible for you and your kids.
If you are married there are legal protections and he’d have to contribute.
So sorry you are having to endure this. I’m sure you’d be so much happier without this monster.

He'll happily sit at home in the warm whilst you and your poor children have to get a bus in the cold and dark?
FFS. Come on OP, this is abusive!
That's without leaving everything to you even when he does go to the children's activity on a Monday and leaves you to do everything and the shopping malarkey.
He's beyond vile.

he can relax and choose to not take the dc, I don’t ever have that choice

I mean you could, this would mean children would suffer. And that's not acceptable for you, but he does not seem to care.

Just got home with dc. He was sitting on the couch ‘relaxing’. I noticed he had been out & had a fresh haircut… wish I could do that!

as soon as I came into the home he then got dressed, sprayed his perfume and has gone out. Before leaving, I looked at his clothes as he walked past (trying to gauge where he is going as he doesn’t go out) and he starts to laugh (he has a very distinctive childish laugh when he is doing something wrong). I completely ignored him, haven’t said 1 single word.

the dc asked him where he is going, he told them for a workout. He then proceeded to continue making comments and telling them/talking to himself as he walked around. Things like ‘I don’t want to go out but your moms put me in a bad mood’. ‘I’m a simple guy’ ‘she’s just rude’ ‘she’s testing me’ and some other stuff that I cannot remember right now. He said it in a sort of ‘jokey’ manner, not necessarily saying it in a nasty tone to them and was sort of smiling but regardless it is not ok… I wouldn’t dream of telling me dc things about the other parent. They didn’t understand or take much notice but he was purely saying it as a way for me to hear without directly talking to me.

he has now gone out. I have just put dc to bed and I’m sitting here so down and sad. I can’t continue like this

Sending you a hug OP and some flowers 💐

Make your sadness become your strength. Don’t let your DC grow up thinking this is how a relationship should be.
It takes a whole shed load of courage (I’ve done it) but you CAN do it and you’ll feel free.

Leave him OP 💐

Right, he's out.

Can you find any paperwork op? Anything in his office/wherever about his salary?

This is so tough to read OP

He is emotionally and financially abusing you.

He chose to do this over driving his own kids to sports. He let them travel in the rain to prove his point or because he sees them as solely your responsibility

Doing this to punish you isn't ok. To do it and not tell you why is despicable

Sending you hugs x

Would it help you leave him if you understood that it's not just you he's punishing and abusing, but also your kids. He let them be cold and wet in the rain, to punish you. What kind of a person does that?

This is really sad to read Op

So, you have 3 children with this abusive jerk, you are unmarried, unemployed, without any funds of your own, and you rent. I cannot remember whether you have friends or family who might be able to put you up or help in other ways?

You sound totally defeated, and who can blame you, but you owe it to your children to get yourself out of this mess. Call Women's Aid, make an appointment at the CAB, and check out the Universal Credit calculator to see what you might be entitled to once you leave him.

Yours is one of the saddest stories I've read here, but there will be a way out.

Oh this is very hard to read, I’m so sorry you have this man in your life. It would be better for your children to never ever see him again than to keep living with him and see this behaviour. It’s 100% abuse. You can’t make him happy because he has no intention of letting you- he prefers you miserable and puts effort into keeping you that way. There’s nothing traditional about his behaviour, a traditional husband would buy you a car and drive his family around when he’s free as just one of the million things he doesn’t do for you and his children. You need to focus on you and the dc- as others say is there any paperwork or evidence of salary so you can work out what you will get?

Please when you can, at least call women's aid and talk to them.

He's abusive and he seems sadistic and has contempt for you.

Please call.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I will be looking into some things as it cannot stay this way.

I feel very sad and down, almost don’t care either, I think I gave up mentally a long time ago. Emotionally it all hurts but even now I’m not bothered as much anymore.

he hasn’t come home yet and to be honest I am glad.

My very first LTB

You deserve more. He’s a cunt.

Don’t do a single thing for him no tea no washing no picking up clothes I also wouldn’t bother to speak to him he’s waiting for you to be all sorry. Are they his kids tell him to pick them up in the car what a piece of crap making his own small kids catch a bus in November because he’s a petty controlling narcissist. Have strong words as to why he’s acting like this! I would throw him out. He’s playing mind games and being controlling he’s showing you his true colours believe him what a nasty bully.

Just read more. You’re letting this man treat you appallingly. Would you want your children treated like this. They are growing up in an environment that is totally toxic and will think this is normal . They will let people treat them like it or think it’s normal to treat others like it. Your being emotionally and financially abused get rid of him your not even married and your home is rented you have no ties leave him even better throw him out and claim child maintenance you will be able to buy a car and take your kids swimming on your own then. Please don’t be treated like this.

Good Lord.
I agree with other posters saying put an end to this.
It sounds as though he hates you and the children.
Stop doing anything for him.
Do not do his laundry. Do not cook anything for him.
Just see to yourself and the children.
My advise is to go to a solicitor asap and see exactly where you stand here.
Unless he has some kind of personality transplant, my advice is to ltb.