I just don’t think life is worth living when you’re single

[GoodDayGood]

Taboo subject, I know.

But I don’t like being single.
Tired of doing everything on my own, tired odäf always going home alone, tired of no one caring about me, tired of making this life alone, tired of listening people in relationships complaining about stupid little stuff, tired of celebrating couples, tired of it all.

What’s the point of anything when at the end if the day I’m alone?

I feel a bit similar OP but gotten more used to it with time. I'd say lean on your friends but often it feels like they are not interested especially as you move through your later life (middle age here and it's tough!). Could you get a dog? Focus on your work or creative pursuits? Hard to keep the faith but things that bring you hope are the things that you should pursue. Hopefully a relationship will find you eventually along the way at some point but if not at least you are pursuing your interests.

I hear you. Spent the weekend in on my own as everyone else had plans🤷‍♀️

Thank you @nibblemonster

Good (if that is the tight word) to hear you have gotten used to it.
Strange thing is, I used to be better about it, maybe it was naivety - think that one day it HAS TO BE me too, it has to be.

Everyone I know is deep in their relationship/family bubble, it’s so awkward now.

I do have a dog and she gets all my live and attention, thank goodnes I at least have her!

Have you just come out of a relationship? I used to feel like you do when my marriage first broke up. I didn't know what to do with myself.

Being on your own is far better than stepping into a relationship for company! Living on your own is very empowering. All decision making and choices come from yourself. Your house/flat is done out to your own preferences. You choose if and when you will go on holiday. There is plenty time to explore hobbies and interests etc. No, being with another because it is the done thing is quite a weak way to live. You are learning to acquire strength and resilience.

Depends on how long you have been single.

I don't know OP. I hate being single and the loneliness and emptiness of it but life is still worth living. There is lots to enjoy about life - i remind myself about the way I felt when I was married and how he made me feel and I know that even this single life is better than that x

When my first marriage ended I adored being single. I had a brilliant time pleasing myself.
i sometimes daydream how I would feel if circumstances meant I was single again and in all honesty I don’t think it would bother me. I get that folk are different though

Echo what @nibblemonster has said. I am in the same boat as someone who has been single a long time (bar some short term relationships) and have pretty much lost most of my friends post pandemic - my closest friends moved out of London, and I see them two/three times a year. Any other friends I have tried to make subsequently constantly cancel/flake even if they are mostly single. I have also asked myself the same question recently as I had three friends cancel plans over a short period of time. So I have decided to pursue my own interests and hopefully meet some like minded people there. If you are close to a big city I think creative pursuits are great way to meet people and do something you will enjoy - I have done two painting courses and am starting a pottery course later this month. I am also joining a reading club and a politics discussion group through my members club. Running groups also seem like a great way to make some friends and keep healthy and there might also be other classes you can explore eg ballet barre, Pilates, yoga etc. Are there any industry networks you can join or social groups through work that you can explore? Research shows that work friends are quite crucial to our well being.
Sending you lots of virtual hugs and warm wishes!

If you're seriously thinking life isn't worth living, you need to see your GP urgently. That's way beyond what even a magical man could ever fix.

Sounds trite, but if you're plodding around in misery (instead of having therapy/counselling/medication for depression), you aren't increasing your opportunities to not be single.

There are no knights in shining armour to rescue women from depression. Fair few frogs that would take advantage of their desperation, mind. And some decent medication and therapy can rescue people far more effectively than a divorced balding accountant from Staines.

I'm not particularly a fan of singledom myself. But it didn't last forever and I did some amazing things that my exes would have automatically stopped me from doing in the process - which could have made my outlook, my conversation, my interests just, well, more interesting and I wasn't projecting Nobody Loves Me to all and sundry, which kept out the cunts looking for a target.

You've got value way beyond the eyes of a man (or woman, depending upon your preferences). The medication and therapy may help you find that.

At the end of the day we're all alone. And I believe that if a person isn't able to feel content and interested in life whilst single then they've not got much to take into a relationship. Saying that, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a couple relationship - what are you doing to make that happen?

I go through phases tbh

Having come out of a 20 year marriage, I know what I'm (not) missing. If you've never had a ltr before, I suspect you may have a different outlook to mine.

I understand where you're coming from, OP. Thirty six year old bloke here, single for ages. Honestly, you get used to It, though that's not to say It Isn't difficult, especially around people who are in relationships all loved up. I'm not even sure I could begin a relationship with a woman now, and that's something to watch out for, after you've been alone for a long time, very tough to get used to introducing someone into your life and making time for them.

Hello OP

I’m sorry that you’re feeling the way you are. Not enjoying being single is entirely valid and I’m sure many will identify with that, but I think it’s quite alarming to think that being single is akin to a worthless existence!

I can only assume that you’re feeling quite down at the moment and are catastrophising, which is also completely fine and understandable, but your life and its value have absolutely no correlation to who you are or aren’t sleeping / cohabiting / sharing your days with. When all is said and done, the people who love and care about you will remember you for you, not who your partner is or was.

I’ve been single for almost a decade now. Mid-thirties. I am a mum though which I’m assuming you aren’t as any posts I’ve read this far don’t reference children, and so my days aren’t spent entirely alone. But I don’t have a ‘significant other’, and I can remember vividly how much that frightened me when my last long-term relationship ended many many moons ago. But I can honestly say I now see the glory in being single; doing everything when and how I want to, not being beholden to another adult for anything, and being able to take massive bloody pride in everything that I’ve achieved and own because it’s all down to me. Now, I’m really not saying that because I feel this way you ought to also, or that you might ever feel the same, but please don’t write yourself off because you don’t have a partner. I’m sure your qualities and attributes are as wonderful as they are plentiful, and if your current friendship group aren’t filling your cup then branch out to try and meet mates.

Please don’t assume that whatever is lacking in your life is because there isn’t another person in your bed though. If you don’t feel like life is enough just you, having a partner won’t miraculously cure that. And, personally, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who needed me to validate them, it’s just about the biggest ick going IMO. I’m not saying that to be unkind at all, but I don’t think you’re likely to attract a good one while both your self-worth and self-esteem are so low.

Be you, and be proud to be you. Focus on what makes you happy (outside of finding a partner) and take the pressure off coupling up.

It’s such a cliche but we really do only get one life; live it!! And take good care of yourself xxx

Like others have written here, seek help for depression. You can refer yourself to a mental health clinic for assessment online. Until you are happy about you, there is no man going to make your life better. Often abusive men pick partners they perceive as down-trodden, co-dependent etc as they lack the self esteem to reject them (and they know it). No one, male or female, is able to be a good relationship partner unless they are happy and autonomous beings. If you are lonely, seek out clubs etc but don't use that to go man-hunting. No one fills the void until you do that for yourself. Confident, happy people attract others with the same characteristics.

I feel the same op but not allowed to say it as you get jumped on. I have been single for 6 years and I hate it. I haven’t even had sex for 6 years but I’m suppose to be ok with that when I’m not asexual so no I’m not ok with it. I hate being on my own.

This is where I’m at. I’m in my 30s and would sort of like a relationship, but I struggle to imagine it now. Sharing my space. Sharing a bed. Having to consider somebody else’s feelings in the choices I make. Expectations. Disappointment. Arguments. Tears. It makes me want to run a mile when I think about it.

It’s the price I’d have to pay for a chance of intimacy, love and companionship. I do want it, I’m just not sure I can afford to put myself through it.

I agree with other PP’s that you may be depressed so worth talking t someone.

Personally I felt quite sad and lonely after my 25 year relationship ended in 2016 so jumped into a rebound thing which was biggest mistake of my life.

Ive now been single for over 3 years and I love it - I mean really love it to point I don’t know if o want to be on a committed relationship again.

Im starting to think maybe I just need a FWB who takes me out now and again and that’s it for me. Other than sex, I don’t miss a single thing. I love my own space and doing what I want when I want

Try and fill your life with hobbies and enjoy being on your own, something I've definitely learnt, and a PP mentioned It, you don't need anyone else to validate your own existance. With some of the drama on this section of Mumsnet, It is almost pleasant to be single. Relationships are very hard work. Good luck.

@IDriveMySupernova Exactly.

I agree with pp in that it’s one thint to want to be in a couple but you shouldn’t feel life isn’t worth living alone and it’s sad if you’ve got to that stage. BUT I do feel society has a lot to do with it and it’s perfectly understandable why you’d feel like this.

People can be very insular with nuclear families - you see in here all the time people saying they have zero times for friends once they have kids etc. And Life can be SO EXPENSIVE for singles!

I’m a long term single but very fortunate to have not only a creative side-gig turned career I love, but amazing friends who don’t forget about me or act like I’m defective just because they’re married /have kids and I don’t! We do girly brunches, weekends away and holidays abroad.

I also go on solo holidays and meet new people, go and drink coffee and people watch myself and do museums etc myself if I feel like it. Yes it is sometimes nicer to have someone to do it with, but you’ll often find married women are having to do things by themself or with friends as well or not go at all as some men aren’t very culturally minded.

And some people are very miserable and stress within their relationships so it’s not always sunshine and roses.

I’ve started seeing a new guy very recently and one thing I like about him is he doesn’t seem desperate. He doesn’t have a ton of friends but spends a lot of time with his family or engaged in his hobbies. Desperation is a dangerous thing for any single but especially a woman to give off because often the wrong people sniff it out and take advantage.

That said, I do get it - this society conditions people to think they have failed in life and have no purpose if you’re single and finding someone automatically means your life is happier. All completely untrue!

There is so much subtle brainwashing through the media that tells us we are incomplete until meeting “the one” It’s important to free yourself from that kind of mentality.

If you you can't be happy on your own op you can't be happy full stop. Being able to be happy on your own is the foundation of any relationship.A relationship builds on the foundations of your own self sufficiency, it doesn't replace it. Entering into a relationship when you are not content within yourself leads to poor choices, lack of boundaries and loads of bloody unhappiness. Don't do it. You have to work on being content within yourself.

God yes, us singles have It so hard economically. A horribly utilitarian perspective of course, but we are hit hard.

also 6 years completely single - only started dating again this summer!

I understand where you’re coming from, a lot of the people who downplay it either are single now but spent most of their adult life with a partner or they are still in a relationship. They have no idea of the challenges. Being long term single can be very difficult especially if you’re not into casual sex which I’m not .

And even if your life is thriving in other areas it’s ok to want a partner.

I wouldn’t say I hate being on my own at all but I have definitely had enough of being single for emotional, practical and financial reasons.

@DGConsultant yes being single is not cheap in this economy, it may not be the most romantic reason but it’s true and why many couples stick together tbh!

I’m fortunate enough to be able to afford to live without feeling forced to partner with someone unsuitable but it would make my life so much cheaper to have a partner.

I understand the desperate wish for a close partner and think it’s a normal desire to have.

being single doesn’t have to mean doing everything by yourself though. There are plenty of groups that are populated by other single people ( or unhappily married people desperate for respite from their partners). Join meet up groups or hobby or sports or walking groups or whatever you fancy. Being single does have to mean spending your free time alone.