I just don’t think life is worth living when you’re single

[GoodDayGood]

Taboo subject, I know.

But I don’t like being single.
Tired of doing everything on my own, tired odäf always going home alone, tired of no one caring about me, tired of making this life alone, tired of listening people in relationships complaining about stupid little stuff, tired of celebrating couples, tired of it all.

What’s the point of anything when at the end if the day I’m alone?

@GoodDayGood But what are you going to do if you never meet anyone you want to be with? I'm not doubting you are trying to live your life but it makes me incredibly sad to read that you and others feel life isn't worth living without a significant other.

@MolkosTeenageAngst has put it very well. I can't relate but that doesn't mean I don't care.

I wish all you posters @Gemi33 @MolkosTeenageAngst @Livelifelaughter @GoodDayGood could all get together for a meet up in real life You'd probably all be a really good support for each other.

It annoys me when people say better to be alone than in a shit relationship. We dont just want anyone, some of us just want someone to share our lives with/some decent male company. I'm someone who finds it really easy to make friends. I have loads, plus a decent working life too. I'm a single parent so free time is spent seeing said friends. But of course I miss that male conpanionship (not even just sex). I can imagine without kids, and maybe friends, it can get terribly lonely at times.

I don't hold the view that life isn't worth living but it feels as though an aspect of life that I hold important is missing and the intimacy that I crave for is missing.

I am trying to work out if this is serious? Or just patronising or both ?

“This, exactly. While I have sympathy for the loneliness and practical challenges of long-term singledom, I find it very hard to believe that someone who is emotionally healthy, happy in themselves and actively working to find a partner will actually remain single all that long.”

This, is just incredibly insulting. It can be hard enough to not let the societal pressures wear at your self esteem when you’ve been single for many years, but then this nonsense gets absolutely troped out. I’m not single because there’s something wrong with me emotionally, thanks very much.

OP, I absolutely understand where you are coming from. I’m of an age where all friends and colleagues are settling down and having big life events and I’ve been single now for 6 years. It is very lonely often, and I do really hate it. But people don’t like to hear that. For some reason it makes them uncomfortable, that I’m not using the Strong Independent Woman spiel. And I am a very strong and independent woman- but one who would quite like to have a life partner!!

I don't play games or mess around on mumsnet nor do I patronize people. You can always report the post if you're not happy. I'm refraining from commenting further on this thread. I hope you all find what you're looking for.

I’m not emotionally healthy and happy in myself. I have low self esteem, mental health issues and diagnosis including C-PTSD and EUPD plus autism and adhd (all diagnosed in adulthood). I have had counselling and several rounds of therapy plus taken anti-depressants, anti anxiety meds etc. I also have no sexual drive at all, I often think I’m asexual although I am not sure, sometimes I wonder if I am gay or if there is something else wrong with me. The only relationship I have ever been in was toxic with a lot of sexual coercion and I’m scared to try dating after I was raped by a stranger several years ago, to be honest I’m scared and wary around new men and new people in general. I do have friends and I am successful and personable in my work (teacher) and do generally get on with people but I find getting close to new people and building non-superficial relationships hard it is certainly getting harder as I get older. I’m also ugly, covered in self harm scars and with a horrible face. It’s not for lack of trying that I haven’t been able to become emotionally healthy and happy in myself and I am certainly in a much better place than I was a few years ago when I was actively suicidal and depressed, receiving my adhd and autism diagnoses recently helped me feel less broken, but unfortunately I still seem to have been dealt a hand which makes dating and relationships much harder for me. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel lonely though, I almost have a phobia of relationships now but it doesn’t mean I don’t want one, just as somebody who is scared of flying can still want to travel and go on holiday.

I know there are lots of reasons why I am single, essentially I am a broken human and I doubt anybody would want me, unfortunately I don’t believe that I can change all of these circumstances, there is only so far therapy is going to get me. Even if maybe there is a future in which I could overcome my trauma and confusion around my sexuality and social anxiety etc I doubt it will be soon enough to make having a family with children a reality as I know my fertility won’t be for much longer. It’s simplistic to say that if somebody just works on themselves and gets out there they won’t stay single for long, and it also invalidates the fact that some people have genuine reasons as to why doing those things is much harder than it would be for the average person. I think it’s okay for some of us to feel sad about being single even if we also have to admit that there are reasons which have held us back from actively dating or made it hard to find a partner, it’s okay for us to feel sad about those reasons and the barriers we have. It’s okay for us to feel frustrated that in order to not be single we have to try and work on changing our circumstances when so many people find love without really having to try. Unfortunately in life not everybody gets a happy ending and I don’t think it’s always helpful to just be told I need to try harder, it makes me feel like I’m to blame for this which adds to the shame rather than making me feel like my feelings are valid.

I take the opposite view OP.

I am a single mum. I have the absolute love of my teen ds (in his own teen way 😁) and he is good company.

Best of all, I don't have someone

• who's going to sleep with a barmaid and then try to take half my house
• who'll try to take half my pension
• who expects to have priority before my ds.
• who thinks I'm somehow genetically suited to housework
• who whines endlessly about food
• who's obsessed with keeping up with the neighbours
• who expects sex daily regardless of how tired I am
• who drops towels/socks/toenail clippings on the floor
• who infests the tv with golf and Jeremy Clarkson.

Instead I have creative, financial, musical, social and culinary freedom. God, the relief ! Life now is so much more fun.

An intimate relationship would be lovely but some prices are just too high.

Don’t! They’re probably single because they ultimately neglect relationships because they’re so busy. Farming is not an occupation - it’s a way of life. I’m married to one. I may as well be single.

I hear you……. It sucks 🤗

@MintJulia again I could say similar, the relief at not having an abusive partner. But God there are times where I think why haven't I met someone lovely?

Do things alone, I’m sorry but your attitude is ridiculous. Better to be alone than in a shitty relationship, which so many are.

@Loopylooni I think because the the number of men who are looking for a life partner and an equal, is quite small compared to the majority of men who want a cleaner, cook and general administrator.

Women don't need to put up with lazy selfish men any more, we have our own houses, careers, lives, so there is a mismatch.

I live in hope of meeting someone decent, but until that happens, no relationship is better than a bad relationship.

Can you stop the ’better single than bad relationship’ and no toe nail clips here?

Read the room a bit.

There are people who have open up and shared something incredibly personal and being vulnerable.

Making it into a joke is just cruel now.

Sorry but none of that was or ever could be described as a joke.

I'll leave the thread.

Here we go again...the comparison isn't a shitty relationship it's a safe, secure one. Also it doesn't mean that pinkfondu spent the weekend alone staring at a blank wall.
I had drinks on Friday, met a friend yesterday for dinner, went to the gym, had my nails done, will go to a gallery later with a friend today, after going to the gym....filling time and loneliness can co-exist.

To be honest I think I should have been going out this weekend but completely forgot to check that we were as I've been so busy with work, obviously it didn't happen. I was happy watching the rugby though. So my life is full on and I am happy to do stuff alone.

I've also been in a shitty abusive relationship so I do find the comparison patronising and get annoyed when people throw it about like confetti. It's about being lonely not being alone if you think about it they're different things.

It’s quite alarming to think that being single is akin to a worthless existence!

That.
Quite Fair enough to say "I'm struggling". Very unreasonable to say "life is worthless when you're single" in a sweeping generalisation and in a tone that may encourage others to feel the same way. Irresponsible. Tsk.

Actually quite shocked by some of the ignorant, insulting messages on here. 'Do things alone! Really?! I do things alone, everything alone, every weekend, for years..why is it so difficult to understand that someone might find that hard?!

If you're happy single great, but that's not what this thread is about. As OP said, read the room.

I said I wasn't going to comment further on the thread, but I am, to ask what you and the OP actually want from the thread.

I'm sure nobody is attempting to be insulting. What do you want us to say? Or do you just want replies from people in the same situation as yourselves? Because on a forum like this, it's unlikely to happen.

@Livelifelaughter Your weekend sounds fabulous. Did you just do those things to fill time, as you said, or did you actually want to do them? Having nails done is essential maintenance not time filling for example. How would your friend you had dinner with feel about just filling your time rather than being out because you wanted to be with them? This is how it reads.

I interpreted @Livelifelaughter ’s post as meaning you can still feel lonely even if you’re good at filling your time?

@NearlyMonday It could be, yes.

@NearlyMonday yes, I thought the same. I can see friends all weekend long on my children free days BUT they all go home to partners! I would say I'm their one night out whereas I'd really like someone to chat/share those intimate times with. For some inane reason, it isn't happening. I suspect because men want someone under 40 or someone with no small dependants!