I just don’t think life is worth living when you’re single

[GoodDayGood]

Taboo subject, I know.

But I don’t like being single.
Tired of doing everything on my own, tired odäf always going home alone, tired of no one caring about me, tired of making this life alone, tired of listening people in relationships complaining about stupid little stuff, tired of celebrating couples, tired of it all.

What’s the point of anything when at the end if the day I’m alone?

Zeana, I am sorry but you don't get it. I would say that I haven't always been single, I have been married and in relationships. Being alone isn't just a way of thinking, it is very different to being in a relationship. Yes of course the people you're with on a night out care that you make it home, but the people who are in a relationship will be sending a message saying " on my home etc" - I know this because it's what I used to do.
It's not a state of mind...

No it doesn’t.
Life is still worth living if you’re single. Bloody ridiculous thing to say

@Livelifelaughter You're right, I don't get it, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong, or that you are. We see things differently is all. The question is what are you and @GoodDayGood going to do practically to improve the situation you find yourselves in?

I'm sorry but I agree with Livelifelaughter, of course it's reality, it just might not be yours and if that is the case then good for you because this is certainly not what I would have chosen. And again, I feel the point is being missed...if I'm out with people and didn't make it home because something happened, I'm sure they'd care when they found out at some point in the way that most people have a degree of general empathy with others but the point is there is no one to notice if you get back or not, to msg you to check, to ask how your evening was..

It's just one example of how utterly alone you can feel if you consistently have no one to share your life with, particularly if nearly everyone else youu know, does.

It's really hard to talk about because for some reason people in this position are never expected to say it and you're made to feel like there's something wrong with .you if you happy being single.

Just RTFT and I find it so interesting.

I am a truly happy single, could never have predicted it because as PPs have mentioned society pressures us to think of couples as the ideal. When I took the leap and asked for a divorce from an unhappy marriage I had no idea that I would end up so happy or that my career would take off. And that I can still date a bit/have a sex life when I want.

I know we're all different though and I wonder if it's about extroverts/introverts? I NEED/CRAVE alone time to RECHARGE. So when I get home what I want is mainly solitude to process the day, having socialised all day etc. also Ex was extremely controlling so in a way I feel like I've been let out of prison and can't believe my luck.

No I’m an introvert but still hate being single. I was happy for the first few years so maybe length has something to do with it but 6 years single now I do hate it now. Not everyone wants casual sex so I’m not still having sex I have been celibate for 6 years and I’m not asexual so obviously it’s been hard.

Fair enough BananaSlug.

No I’m an introvert but still hate being single.

Same.

And same for the casual sex, that’s definetly not for me.
I want love and companionship. I don’t care for sex, so sex without a relationship would be the worst deal for me, personally.

I'm also an in travertine and hate being single - I do really like sex and really miss it but casual sex is not for me.----

Are you alone Zenana ? Children? A partner. My guess is you're not.

Sorry, no idea what happened there, obviously I meant to say I'm also an introvert lol.

@Livelifelaughter You guessed incorrectly. I'm single, no children and live alone. I've had three long term relationships and glad to be out of them to tell you the truth.

I get it OP, I truly hope you find some peace and happiness (preferably very soon!).

No point in repeating all the cliches from friends/family ("it'll happen when you least expect" etc.), but a PP mentioned with friends you're of course not their priority... I hardly see my friends now and whilst we stay in touch on WhatsApp group the only direct message I've had from any in the past probably 4 years was a few weeks ago. Just a short "how are you?" I know I should've been happy, but my heart sank....

Earlier that day I'd heard it was some sort of loneliness day and people were being reminded not to forget loners. I realised what I'd always feared was true, I am that perenially lonely (single) person and everyone around me knows it too, and both pities (and despises) me for it.

Life is a horrible grind, I wish you all the very best.

I love being single 😬
live been on my own for 8 years, have dated but not found anyone I would want to be in serious relationship with because I’m pretty happy with my own company. I love cosy nights in by myself watching Netflix, I like going to the gym, pool or for a long walk on my own and I would happily holiday alone (if I could afford too). I have ace a few friends since being single and they are great company and very supportive when I need them to be. For me friends are way more important than romance. Maybe I’ve just given up all hope of finding a man who can offer me better than what I already have, my past relationships have been pretty awful and have caused me much pain and anxiety so it will take a lot for me to risk being with someone new.

@Lovemusic82 I'm with you all the way. This thread isn't going to go well because the OP and another contributor in the same situation refuse to consider alternatives. Like the comment about nobody caring they arrive home safely because they've no one to phone at home. I haven't either but it never occurs to me to feel lonely because of it. Any other viewpoint is met with "you don't get it" yet no acknowledgement that there are alternatives. I don't know what the answer is because I just feel unkind and a heartless and pointless contributor. Maybe they need professional support because I don't think anyone here can help.

I live the alternative but I would rather have someone to come home to, the cats whilst great aren't quite the same as a husband/partner/boyfriend, they don't offer the same companionship.

I don't want to go and deliberately find myself a load of single friends either. My friends are my friends, I'm not defined by my relationship status with them. I'm me and just me. Many of them have known me single, many have known me in a couple.

We're all different, the world would be a dull place if we weren't. You can't dismiss someone's loneliness and tell them life is great single just because it is for you. No one is dismissing your life so why do it to others?

@Yettisrus29 I'm not dismissing anyone and I'm not telling them it's great to be single either. I'm asking what they plan on doing to alleviate the situation because I've not seen anything about that. Equally it's ok just to vent.

I suppose what I was trying to say, probably not very well, is that I have been single very long time, I have done everything possible to 'alleviate' the situation and nothing has worked and that's sort of how I read the OP, acknowledging how hard it can be when you're long term single, not through choice and despite doing everything to change your situation or make the most of your current one when it comes down to it, it can just be very lonely.

Of course everyone feels differently and i think its great that some people love being single but for those of us that don't it can feel like our feelings are being dismissed and we're constantly being told that we should be happy single. I don't know anyone else in my position so this thread has been helpful in acknowledging that it's OK to feel like this and that I'm not the only one.

@Gemi33 And that's how it should be, if you've felt validated that's great. I feel sad that others on this thread are sad.

I’m not dismissing how others feel, I’m just saying that not all single people are sad and lonely, some of us have excepted that we are likely to stay single and are embracing it. When I first became single I hated it, I had never lived alone, I got married when I was 21 pretty much as soon as I left home. I was raised in a family where woman raised kids, married young, cooked for their husbands and didn’t really have a carer, my parents almost pushed me into marriage and having kids, I didn’t realise how much easier being single was until I became single (my choice). Yes the first year was awful, i felt lonely and was searching for a relationship (or replacement) but then I realised there’s loads out there for a single person. Yes I’ve made new friends, not all of them are single. I got new hobbies, got fitter and generally filled my time so I don’t really have time to be lonely.

I never realise being single was a negative thing. Someone asked me the other day if I was still single and I said “yes”, their reply was “so sorry”, I laughed 🤣, why would anyone feel sorry for me?

If you’re lonely then do something about it. If you want a relationship then go and look for one but surely this starts by making friends, joining groups or a new hobby?

This thread isn't going to go well

This is just such an unnecessary and mean thing to say.
We’re allowed to feel differently. We are different and want different things.
I’ve done my best to learn to like being single, to not feel like I’m missing out, to not want to share a life with someone, do this and that and think like that.

I can’t do it.
I don’t want to be alone my whole life, to never know what all this love stuff everyone is talking about.
It great that you don’t want it/can live without.
But I’m just not as amazing as you are.
I’m allowed to be sad, and to talk about it.

I think you are being obtuse or you really lack empathy.
You can’t genuinely scaryching your head why would anyone want a partner ever. It’s pretty basic stuff, even if you personally don’t want it.

I just feel unkind and a heartless and pointless contributor.

Yes, you are.
I wish you would have taken your own point before hitting the send button.

It is really sad to feel like this and as much as it can be comforting to feel like you're not alone in that, I also wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone so feel really sad for anyone in this position. I'm sure it wasn't anyone's intention to dismiss anyone's feelings but sometimes talking about alternatives and people not doing enough to change things feels dismissive. Sometimes things are just sad and it's really difficult and there's no shame in saying that.

I hear you OP, I could have written your last post. And I'm sorry but saying 'if you want a relationship go and get one..' is so rude, like its that easy! Do you not think I've done that?! Tried new hobbies, meet up groups, online dating, put myself out there...just to be rejected again and again, it's soul destroying.

I think its really rude for someone to have assumed you being single is a bad thing...but then its just as bad for pekple .who enjoy beinmg single to just dismiss the feelings of those that dont. Of course some people love being single and I'm so glad you do but that's not what this thread is about.

I feel you. I’m long term single and probably always will be, only had one relationship in my early twenties but that was over 15 years ago, no kids and don’t see I’ll ever have them now although I would love a family. It’s not the life I imagined for myself. I am so lonely and I feel deeply ashamed of it, I feel like people in relationships build a narrative for single people as being ‘free’ and being able to ‘please themselves’ etc. But for me the reality is endless drudgery of never having anybody to spend weekends with, never having anybody to go on holiday with or enjoy time with. I do have friends but they’re not all local and those that are have their own partners and many children so the weekends are family time, I don’t live near my own family and aside from one sibling we’re not close.

I don’t really have any friends who want to do things like chat on the phone, have me over for drinks, go to the cinema, go on a day out, go on holiday etc. I love travelling but doubt I’ll go abroad again as it’s so miserable on my own. Life once you’re past your twenties isn’t really made for single people, especially if you’re introverted like me as I find it really hard to make new friends, all my existing friends have their own partners and families and I find they’re all really busy. I’ll see friends at the weekend maybe once every few weeks but most weekends are spent on my own, some days I don’t even talk to anyone and it’s depressing to know if I corked it on a Friday night nobody would discover me until I didn’t turn up for work on Monday morning. My life feels pointless and I often wish I could just disappear.

MolkosTeenageAngst you have explained it so much better than I can. I agree with every word you've written. So sorry you're experiencing it too.