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Original poster

I just don’t think life is worth living when you’re single

219 replies

GoodDayGood · 11/09/2023 19:13

Taboo subject, I know.

But I don’t like being single.
Tired of doing everything on my own, tired odäf always going home alone, tired of no one caring about me, tired of making this life alone, tired of listening people in relationships complaining about stupid little stuff, tired of celebrating couples, tired of it all.

What’s the point of anything when at the end if the day I’m alone?

OP posts:
GR8GAL · 13/09/2023 10:46

Having spent a lot of time on my own (single for 8 years) before I met my current partner, I can relate to these feelings.

However, I realised a few years in that I could never expect to find someone if I didn't even like spending time with myself. So I used that time to get back into my hobbies, learning how to enjoy time with myself, took up Yoga, read countless books, took up photography and got back into drawing.... when you're single you also get to pick where you eat, where you go, what movies to watch, holiday destinations.... I did a lot of solo travel which has a lot of pros compared to travelling with other people.

After all of that, I had a better sense of self and ultimately made it easier to meet new people, and most importantly it made it easier to say "no" to the ones that I knew wouldn't suit me.

Spend your time well, on yourself, because no one is going to want to be with a person who's entire identity is based on a relationship status.

Good luck!

Livelifelaughter · 13/09/2023 11:23

GR8GAL · 13/09/2023 10:46

Having spent a lot of time on my own (single for 8 years) before I met my current partner, I can relate to these feelings.

However, I realised a few years in that I could never expect to find someone if I didn't even like spending time with myself. So I used that time to get back into my hobbies, learning how to enjoy time with myself, took up Yoga, read countless books, took up photography and got back into drawing.... when you're single you also get to pick where you eat, where you go, what movies to watch, holiday destinations.... I did a lot of solo travel which has a lot of pros compared to travelling with other people.

After all of that, I had a better sense of self and ultimately made it easier to meet new people, and most importantly it made it easier to say "no" to the ones that I knew wouldn't suit me.

Spend your time well, on yourself, because no one is going to want to be with a person who's entire identity is based on a relationship status.

Good luck!

I agree to some extent, if you're on your own you might as well live the best life that you can. But l don't really buy into the love yourself to be loved... it's really about meeting available people able to make a commitment. At 55 that's really hard.

NearlyMonday · 16/09/2023 08:48

But l don't really buy into the love yourself to be loved... it's really about meeting available people able to make a commitment. At 55 that's really hard.

@Livelifelaughter i agree with your comments, you need to be around other single people, but noting my Dad, who was sadly widowed age 55, met a new partner a year later. He just got himself out there.

NearlyMonday · 16/09/2023 08:51

I have a good friendship group of other single 50 somethings to go on nights out, weekends away and holidays with. I’ve got a better social life now than when I was in my early 20’s pre marriage.

@SamW98 how did you create this? Or was it purely by chance?

Livelifelaughter · 16/09/2023 20:54

NearlyMonday · 16/09/2023 08:48

But l don't really buy into the love yourself to be loved... it's really about meeting available people able to make a commitment. At 55 that's really hard.

@Livelifelaughter i agree with your comments, you need to be around other single people, but noting my Dad, who was sadly widowed age 55, met a new partner a year later. He just got himself out there.

It's not just a question of getting yourself out there. There are less single people, and men in their 50s will date but not necessarily want commitment nor a partner the same age.

Privatelyliving · 17/09/2023 06:42

NearlyMonday · 13/09/2023 09:31

I have a good friendship group of other single 50 somethings to go on nights out, weekends away and holidays with. I’ve got a better social life now than when I was in my early 20’s pre marriage.

And therein lies the answer! Its great that you've got this, but it can be hard to achieve.

It doesn't just happen, that's for sure.

I've achieved it in my 50s too, but I worked at it. Set out to find people, make connections, try something new, be someone people want to have around. Organise things rather than waiting to be invited, invited people who might not have been expecting it, to join me at things. They can only say no and most don't. And I generally a quiet shy type, it didn't come easily, but definitely worth the effort.

I'm away in a slightly less mainstream European city with a great group of people this weekend. It's true I still don't have "someone", I'll probably be on my own for Christmas day, but that's OK, learning to enjoy your own company is probably where it all starts, that's what gives you the confidence to do the rest.

SamW98 · 17/09/2023 09:44

NearlyMonday · 16/09/2023 08:51

I have a good friendship group of other single 50 somethings to go on nights out, weekends away and holidays with. I’ve got a better social life now than when I was in my early 20’s pre marriage.

@SamW98 how did you create this? Or was it purely by chance?

I have always gone to soul/house music events with friends so that was where I started. I chatted to people i saw out, added them on Fb and went from there.

Lockdown was a big help funny as it sounds. I became admin for an all female Fb group and as things started opening up a bit, we all just used to advertise the sit down and outdoor stuff that was happening and putting out open invites.

It did take a bit of putting myself out there but it’s paid dividends. I still go to the music stuff and as I’ve built so many connections, I am ok going solo knowing I’ll chat to people there.

And out of the connections I’ve made, I’ve got a handful of really good friends for holidays, weekends away etc.

It’s about finding what you enjoy and reaching out I think. Maybe I had a slight advantage as I already knew a few people and the whole scene is very social anyway.

SamW98 · 17/09/2023 09:46

@Privatelyliving

Exactly. It’s not easy especially at the start but I’ve found the more I’ve reached out to people, the easier it’s become.

Livelifelaughter · 17/09/2023 19:10

Honestly it's almost worse when you have a relationship or a close male friend and you suddenly notice that people treat you differently when you're in a couple or think that you are.

AlrightThen · 18/09/2023 10:31

@Livelifelaughter

What if that someone is really annoying, takes your time, money and energy and may turn out to be a not very good person?

Are you not at the losing end of such an investment?

BMW6 · 18/09/2023 10:41

OP have you considered Farmers? Loads of them looking for love and marriage!

nomoreacorns · 18/09/2023 15:45

Yettisrus29 · 12/09/2023 21:58

I don't think people understand that you can have a great life but still be lonely. It's not just about hobbies and doing stuff on your own. I do all that, I have family living nearby and friends but I don't have that person to bounce every day issues off, to cook for, to share the load of everyday monotony, to talk to about mortgage rates. When I just want a hug, I don't have that person to give it to me, to come home to after being sat on the M25 for nearly two hours. When I sit on my own all day with just the cats for company.

It's something that lockdown brought out in many people. When their social life stopped, and they ended up stuck at home on their own, the loneliness crept it.

This. The lack of empathy on this thread is striking. So many people don't understand loneliness.

I remember a widowed woman saying, ' Its not someone to do things with that I miss, I have friends for that. Its someone to do nothing with that I miss.'

And there's a really close connection that comes from that someone to do nothing with.

NearlyMonday · 18/09/2023 18:14

I’m not sure it necessarily a lack of empathy, more like a lack of obvious solutions?

Livelifelaughter · 19/09/2023 13:31

nomoreacorns · 18/09/2023 15:45

This. The lack of empathy on this thread is striking. So many people don't understand loneliness.

I remember a widowed woman saying, ' Its not someone to do things with that I miss, I have friends for that. Its someone to do nothing with that I miss.'

And there's a really close connection that comes from that someone to do nothing with.

Show quote history

I completely agree. Some things are really hard

  • walking home late knowing no one really cares that you are home safely
  • people planning Christmas from September and I am only dreading it
  • every bank holiday thinking and planning
  • dinner on your own
  • the level of organisation to see people
  • going on holidays with friends and they are making calls to say they have arrived and throughout the trip and you have no one..
NearlyMonday · 19/09/2023 14:54

Livelifelaughter · 19/09/2023 13:31

I completely agree. Some things are really hard

  • walking home late knowing no one really cares that you are home safely
  • people planning Christmas from September and I am only dreading it
  • every bank holiday thinking and planning
  • dinner on your own
  • the level of organisation to see people
  • going on holidays with friends and they are making calls to say they have arrived and throughout the trip and you have no one..
Show quote history

Its very sad to think anyone is experiencing that.

Original poster
GoodDayGood · 19/09/2023 16:51

NearlyMonday · 19/09/2023 14:54

Its very sad to think anyone is experiencing that.

Show quote history

And then we’re told to ’enjoy our freedom’…

Some people really don’t have a clue.

OP posts:
NearlyMonday · 19/09/2023 17:10

@GoodDayGood if you're suggesting I don't have a clue - that's a bit unkind as I was trying to sympathise with the previous poster?

Gemi33 · 23/09/2023 08:29

I agree that unless you have experienced this some people really struggle to understand and the comments like 'why don't you just go out on your own', 'enjoy being single' completely miss the point. GoodDayGood and Livelifelaughter you have said it perfectly. I am homebody too and it's not about whether you have someone to do things with, or meet up groups - I want someone to do nothing with, the weekends and bank holidays, the dinners alone, no one to ever ask how my day was or even notice if I come back at the end of the day - it eats away at you over time and I constantly feel I'm on the outside looking in at everyone else actually living life.

Livelifelaughter · 23/09/2023 08:46

Gemi33 · 23/09/2023 08:29

I agree that unless you have experienced this some people really struggle to understand and the comments like 'why don't you just go out on your own', 'enjoy being single' completely miss the point. GoodDayGood and Livelifelaughter you have said it perfectly. I am homebody too and it's not about whether you have someone to do things with, or meet up groups - I want someone to do nothing with, the weekends and bank holidays, the dinners alone, no one to ever ask how my day was or even notice if I come back at the end of the day - it eats away at you over time and I constantly feel I'm on the outside looking in at everyone else actually living life.

Thank you. I share that feeling of feeling as though you are an observer...

Yettisrus29 · 23/09/2023 08:53

nomoreacorns · 18/09/2023 15:45

This. The lack of empathy on this thread is striking. So many people don't understand loneliness.

I remember a widowed woman saying, ' Its not someone to do things with that I miss, I have friends for that. Its someone to do nothing with that I miss.'

And there's a really close connection that comes from that someone to do nothing with.

Show quote history

Yes, the person 'to do nothing with' I think puts it perfectly.

I don't want to be lonely, its an awful feeling and it's like something is missing that friends just can't fill. Some people are fine on their own (my sister loves it) but I'm not like that, I need someone.

Zenana · 23/09/2023 08:57

GoodDayGood · 19/09/2023 16:51

And then we’re told to ’enjoy our freedom’…

Some people really don’t have a clue.

Show quote history

It's not that people "don't have a clue", it's that people are different and approach things differently.

myrtlehuckingfuge · 23/09/2023 09:04

I am not lonely but I can see it happening one day. Really struck by the 'someone to do nothing with' comment though. Albeit I don't have much down time and relish that which I do have. I'd think that I would want someone 'not to live with' one day soon. It's all right not to feel comfortable being single or being very comfortable with it and change your mind along the way. We're all different and (most of us) evolve during our lives. No advice to give but ensuring that you don't hole up and hibernate is probably a good plan.

Zenana · 23/09/2023 09:25

There's a thread on here by a married woman who says that her husband is obnoxious when she reads a book. He won't leave her alone. That's my idea of hell and "doing nothing" with someone like that is just rubbish.

Meant gently, @Livelifelaughter some of your comments are just a way of thinking, not necessarily reality. For example, walking home alone and nobody cares that you got home safe. What about the people you've been out with? They'd care. Do you care if they got home safe, or doesn't it matter as they have a partner waiting at home? Does this sort of "caring" only count when it's supplied by a partner? Going on holiday with friends and they call home to say they've got there safely and you can't because you don't have anyone at home? But you have friends you're on holiday with!

It's important not to conflate loneliness with needing a partner to feel there's nothing wrong with you.

Anewnamea · 23/09/2023 13:31

Livelifelaughter · 23/09/2023 08:46

Thank you. I share that feeling of feeling as though you are an observer...

Show quote history

I agree with both of you and the ones who don’t get it are usually people who have spent most of their life partnered or are still with a partner.

That said, my married friends have always been very understanding when I’ve expressing feelings to them about the tougher side of being single.

It’s like as a single person your friends may be all you have for connection, affection etc…but you aren’t all your friends have , you come way down in their list of priorities - and rightly so but it can feel difficult after several years.

“Someone to do nothing with” resonates with me so much. And it goes without saying wanting that doesn’t mean we desire a man who hassles us about reading in bed. I seen that thread too and the man is clearly toxic.

Wanting a partner does not equate to tolerating any old rubbish or if it did every lonely single would just go out and find a man the next day. It’s not hard tbh if you have no standards lol

Original poster
GoodDayGood · 23/09/2023 13:42

NearlyMonday · 19/09/2023 17:10

@GoodDayGood if you're suggesting I don't have a clue - that's a bit unkind as I was trying to sympathise with the previous poster?

No, I took it as you emphasising and I was just pointing out how there are still many people (on this thread and people IRL) who just wave their hand and say enjoy being single.
And at the same time (for those of us who are) the crushingly lonely people look arounf confused.

I think many coupled-up people (not talking about you) get very arrogant and detached from reality the second they get into a relationship.

Sorry for the misunderstanding btw :)

OP posts: