I just don’t think life is worth living when you’re single

[GoodDayGood]

Taboo subject, I know.

But I don’t like being single.
Tired of doing everything on my own, tired odäf always going home alone, tired of no one caring about me, tired of making this life alone, tired of listening people in relationships complaining about stupid little stuff, tired of celebrating couples, tired of it all.

What’s the point of anything when at the end if the day I’m alone?

Great post.

Tbf I don’t think life isn’t worth living so I don’t agree with that part but 17 is very different I’m sure most who feel the same aren’t teenagers!

That's sort of my point. At 17 you felt like an alien if you didn't have a boyfriend. All that peer pressure. Twice that age I know there's lots more to life, so others feeling so sad about it as an adult is what frightens me. I'd never think any single woman is a failure and this idea should be stamped on. I'm amazed it still exists in 2023. I've got a friend who thinks this, always crying, and she's 37. She's got a learned helplessness about her. I'm not saying that posters on here are like this though.

Why didn't you go out by yourself?

That’s not my experience personally but I didn’t have a proper bf till I was 21!

Christ. Life is for living, make the most of your freedom, your independence, your autonomy, your free time, the absolute control over your own life and where you want to go with it! Being in a relationship won’t give you what you’re looking for if you feel like this about yourself.

You always want what you don't have. That goes for most scenarios

BlooDeBloop · Today 19:30

Poor OP has left I think. My thoughts on this are in the Victorian times single women would pair up. Not in a romantic sense but for companionship. They would even live together sometimes. It's a lovely idea that maybe needs reviving.

Thats an extremely good idea

I think how you feel about the situation changes with time and circumstances. So I pretty much was in various relationships until 37. After this age and a divorce it took a year or so to adjust and I was really happy travelling the world, meeting people and having relationships here and there. Late 40s things changed, friends who were frankly worn down by children now had older children and much more freedom, they would do things with their children and separately with their partners, their life seemed to be evolving whereas mine stayed static. Then I met someone by chance and fell in love at the age of 55, so suddenly I could do everything that I had before, meet friends go on the odd weekend but also someone who loved me, teased me and made me feel desired. Then we broke up and I feel crushed. The point I am trying to make is when you're single and alone potentially you can do lots of things but you can also do lots of the sample things in a relationship.

Same not sample

Me and my friend said if we both still single when we retire, we’re moving to Greece together like a pair of aged Shirley Valentines

Haven’t really figured out what to say.

But re: do whatever you want, enjoy it, adventures etc.
This is, after the lineliness of not having anyone to share and build a life with, the hardest part. Because I want such a ’minimalist’ life. I’m a homebody, I don’t like traveling etc much, and when I do, I want quiet and calm traveling. Everyone I know wants parties etc or now only travel with their own families.
All I wanted was simple life, a lovely home and a partner.
I’m not a career person, that doesn’t bring me meaning.
I have my hobbies, but those are just hobbies.

Pp said how their friend was at the airport with no one to call/care, that hit deep.
Except that’s my everyday life.
No one cares if I come home or not.

Few did say how long they have been single, but I wonder if it’s easier if you only single for few months or couple of years tops. And if they have kids.
Does already having kids make it easier to be single?
So you have company/family/something meaningful…

I just can’t relate to the hapoy single comments. At least not in a long term way.
I don’t think that’s sad or pathetic.

You can have people around you or a partner, it doesn't mean you're connected.

Get a dog, read books. Don't listen to other people, take from them.

No, but it does mean that you have someone.

I don't think people understand that you can have a great life but still be lonely. It's not just about hobbies and doing stuff on your own. I do all that, I have family living nearby and friends but I don't have that person to bounce every day issues off, to cook for, to share the load of everyday monotony, to talk to about mortgage rates. When I just want a hug, I don't have that person to give it to me, to come home to after being sat on the M25 for nearly two hours. When I sit on my own all day with just the cats for company.

It's something that lockdown brought out in many people. When their social life stopped, and they ended up stuck at home on their own, the loneliness crept it.

Nailed it.

I feel like you are associating the loneliness you are feeling with not having a partner when really what you need is a form of community. I have felt incredibly lonely in and out of relationships but community is what has cured me.

Humans are social creatures, we aren't designed to be on our own X I hope things get better for you as it isn't easy.

I know you probably get told this a lot but being single is 100x better than being in a bad relationship of which there are plenty around. Statistically most relationships go sour at some point.
I’ve had some of the best times in my life single. Focussed on my career, exercising and travel.

That’s where we are all so different. Lockdown made me so comfortable and at peace with my own company and I grew to live my own space.

I love the fact I finish work and I don’t have to have a conversation with anyone if I don’t want to. I can sit in silence, cook just for me, watch what I want and really chill in my own little world. I love it. Honestly I can not ever imagine wanting to share my space with a man again. I genuinely can’t identify with the comments on here about feeling lonely.

Though maybe it’s different because I have a good friendship group of other single 50 somethings to go on nights out, weekends away and holidays with. I’ve got a better social life now than when I was in my early 20’s pre marriage.

The only thing I truly miss is sex as being celibate really doesn’t suit me but I can’t do casual sex. I’ve recently met someone though and think we could end up in a FWB situation which may suit us both. But he can go back to his own place when I want my own space 😀

Being on your own is far better than stepping into a relationship for company! Living on your own is very empowering. All decision making and choices come from yourself. Your house/flat is done out to your own preferences. You choose if and when you will go on holiday. There is plenty time to explore hobbies and interests etc. No, being with another because it is the done thing is quite a weak way to live. You are learning to acquire strength and resilience

Ive been single all my life except for a very brief marriage which I realised was a mistake and we divorced amicably. I have also been childfree by choice. I could never see what use children were going to be or how having them would serve my needs.

Ive had one or two people naively suggest that I am "jealous" of family life. But when I consider the physical horror of childbirth, having crying kids hanging around until they are 18 and cooking and cleaning up after some manchild family life looks pretty shit to me.

I agree with @Yazz1212 - I've lived in many places and I've now realized that sense of community is absolutely essential to my happiness. I'm a member of a theatre troupe, even met an ex through it, and my life is more fulfilled because of it. You mentioned your hobbies are just that - but the right hobbies can be very enriching and bring you the kind of joy that like minded men will sit up and notice. I've also made great friends and meet more people through their birthday parties etc.

I've been single for nearly 5 years. I'm mostly content. I live alone, enjoy deep important friendships and family relationships and a good life. I miss consistent sex but occasionally FWBs or casual sex helps with that. But I understand this isn't for everyone.

As a PP mentioned, society is set up for couples. Even down to restaurant meal offers to supermarket portions. It sends you a message as though you don't belong but that's not true. I sympathise, OP. You're fed up and lonely - sometimes that is just how you feel when single and it isn't easy. I just wanted to acknowledged that, your feelings are justified. Loads of good thoughts on here already.

I have a good friendship group of other single 50 somethings to go on nights out, weekends away and holidays with. I’ve got a better social life now than when I was in my early 20’s pre marriage.

And therein lies the answer! Its great that you've got this, but it can be hard to achieve.

You can all have my bf if you like. After a decade of singledom and thinking I was missing something I'm really not. It's hard

I really hated the idea that no-one would know if I came home or not, so I got a lodger - would that help, OP?