I just don’t think life is worth living when you’re single

[GoodDayGood]

Taboo subject, I know.

But I don’t like being single.
Tired of doing everything on my own, tired odäf always going home alone, tired of no one caring about me, tired of making this life alone, tired of listening people in relationships complaining about stupid little stuff, tired of celebrating couples, tired of it all.

What’s the point of anything when at the end if the day I’m alone?

At the end of the day we're all alone. And I believe that if a person isn't able to feel content and interested in life whilst single then they've not got much to take into a relationship.

This, exactly. While I have sympathy for the loneliness and practical challenges of long-term singledom, I find it very hard to believe that someone who is emotionally healthy, happy in themselves and actively working to find a partner will actually remain single all that long.

If you aren’t ticking all three boxes above, those are the areas to work on to change your circumstances, because lacking any of the three will be a major roadblock to finding a partner. Unrealistic pickiness would be the fourth roadblock.

I'm very good at being single, so I get where you are coming from.
But TBH, the people I know in long relationships, reasonably happy, are people who have never been single for more than five minutes.
These relationships are imperfect, there is bickering. But I would not say they are unhappy.

I feel exactly the same OP. Been single for years and so tired of being told to get hobbies, do things in my own etc....I do and I have but I'm so tired of having no one to share things with. You're not meant to say it but it's miserable and I hate it.

Same!! Could’ve typed this^

Also, to all the people suggesting socialising more, hobbies etc etc - compared to my coupled friends I have maintained a busy social life.
I feel like I’ve been forced to expand my social network multiple times because as an adult people have their own priorities and you may not get to see each other consistently. Sometimes I’m tired of having to do so much when I’d love to have a simple routine and consistently see one person I can talk about mundane things without there always being a plan.
Despite me having an active social life with varied hobbies which I’ve had to build from scratch and then maintain, it often feels that society still perceives me as a a failure. Meanwhile, it’s socially acceptable for coupled friends to not have an active social life outside of their partner, and feels like they’re putting less effort into socialising but getting more in return (presuming it’s a healthy relationship ofc).

Also, I saw a tiktok about this topic where a woman spoke about long term close friendships as a single friend, there’s always this imbalance because we can afford to prioritise our friends whereas coupled friends will always (understandably) prioritise their partners. It’s not their fault but it still hurts.

Also think pp’s have already touched upon this so sorry to repeat but I think it depends how long you’ve been single too. It was much easier for me to focus on the limited positives of being single in the first few years but now a lot of time has passed.

Haven’t had intimacy in such a long time, not interested in casual sex either, and can’t remember the last time I’ve been properly hugged.

A lot of people still feels like you and are in a relationship. I am not sure if it helps but is the truth.

Think that depends on age. I’m over 50 and have a lot of single friends. We’re all happy confident sociable outgoing friendly healthy and healthy but at our age the pickings are very very slim. It’s not about being too fussy, it’s about having basic standards and there’s not many out there who meet those so being happy single is by far the better option now.

Maybe it’s different because we’ve all had long term relationships previously and don’t feel the craving for a replacement husband.

I've been in long term relationships and spent years being single, which I am now. I can honestly say I've always felt happiest being single, and I intend to remain so. So, I know everyone is different, but for me, being single, life is very much worth living.

Well, people are entitled to make judgements based on their personal experience, so if you feel life isn't worth living because you're single, OP, who am I to disagree?

My experience is different. Being single is fine. Better than having to be paired with someone all the time.

I agree with the comment that we are all ultimately alone. Finding peace with yourself makes all the difference.

I'm in my late thirties and even at this age it's awful, and tbh, I didn't find it much better in my early thirties.

There just aren't enough men who are capable of being actual partners. Anyone who is even halfway decent is snapped up by 30ish and then it's a parade of manbabies, peter pans, etc. Either they're absolutely dreadful and you see immediately why they're single or they're charming and funny and they know they have their pick of women so won't commit.

Even looking at friends' partners I think, would I want to be married to these men? There are a few who seem like genuinely lovely people, but the rest are men I'd never want to live with. I watch them sit back and relax as their wives run around looking after the kids. Most of them mansplain and talk down to women in subtle and not so subtle ways. Almost all of them are entitled. I just can't be bothered with it.

I'm at my best and happiest when in a relationship but only if it's good. A bad relationship is way worse than being single. I look back at my last relationship and think about how much time I wasted texting back and forth, desperately trying to communicate with a man who just didn't give a shit, time that I could have invested in myself. Now I just do what I want and it feels good. I love spending hours on my hobbies, learning new skills and travelling to places I've always wanted to visit. I've been working on my French and sometimes treat myself to a weekend in Paris, wander around buying cheese and drinking wine and going into fancy shops without a man whingeing that he's bored. Yes, it is a bit lonely, but I'd rather be lonely than miserable, quite frankly. You only get one life and I don't want to spend it scrolling through Tinder.

I would never try and undermine your feelings but it's so sad that you feel like this. Would a man really make life worth living?
Maybe I can't talk as I'm married but when I have been single I've loved every minute of it.
My mum always brought me up to believe that were all responsible for our own happiness and we shouldn't look for a man to make our lives worth living.
At the same time I know we're social animals and I'm sure it's natural to want a partner.
My friend has been single for many years and I remember her telling me about a time she was at an airport. The plane was delayed and she said everyone else got out a phone to call or text their loved ones. She realised she had no one to tell and she said she felt desperately alone at that point.
I hope you can move beyond this feeling OP. I hope you either find the right person or learn to love your life as it is.

I get that it's hard to be single when you want a relationship- but life not worth living? That's very extreme OP. What's your situation? How long have you been single? Do you have a good family network/many friends/work colleagues?

The only time I felt close to how you feel is when I was in a miserable marriage that I saw no escape from. It was so lonely being in an unhappy relationship and I think so many marriages are sort of rubbish? People often stay together for co-dependency reasons rather than genuine love and affection. Obviously there are lots of happy relationships but I'm not so sure if they're the majority judging by the ones I see around me.

I would focus on building up a new network of friends or acquaintances with similar interests. If you're creative start working on a project you can lose yourself in and find a likeminded community. Sporty? Find a new activity and start taking it seriously. You'll open up your world to new people/potential partners and at the very least learn a new skill.

I completely disagree with the ‘ we are all alone’ brigade. As clearly we are not. I can’t help concluding that these people are unaware of how much they are supported by past and present relationships ( with friends/ family) etc , and how these has given them a strong internal core.

We are social mammals and we exist through our relationships with others. It’s really destructive to the human psyche to try to live without this. We are not all alone. We are all connected. And those trying to live without meaningful connections really suffer.

I've recently got into a relationship after years of single. It's more complicated than being single.

This whole other person with expectations of you etc

I understand OP, it's difficult. I have plenty of hobbies and see friends regularly but most of my friends are coupled up and it's difficult knowing they go home to their partners or at least speak to them on the phone, and I'm going home to an empty house and no one to talk to. I got emotional when getting my hair washed at the hairdressers the other day as I realised that was the most physical contact I've had with anyone for months. I think it's especially difficult if you are a more extroverted, social person as I don't experience the "recharging" by being alone that many people do.

I agree to a certain point. Was used to doing things on my own before a long relationship, now I want someone to fo things with, not everything.

My problem is not having money to do much at the moment, so sit at home alone a lot.

Try local Meetup groups, lots in my area, I could do something most nights if I wanted to, most involve money, some you don't have to spend. A chance to meet ppl, even if friends to do some stuff with / similar interests.

I'd rather be single than in a shit relationship, that's how I always look at it. I'm better where I am now than I was 5 years ago when I was in a relationship. But I agree about the loneliness.

There's been men in that 5 years, in fact one said the same thing as me. It's not speaking to someone for days, you go to the supermarket and go to a manned till just so you have human contact. That's the sad thing. The same man would meet me for coffee and a chat during the week, which was so nice.

I have hobbies, I go to the gym, I have a good social life. I've found that if I go to a class I've people to speak to and I widen my social opportunities as now i see them in the gym and can say hello. I was in the gym earlier and one of the instructors stopped his workout for a chat with me, it made today not a day where I haven't spoken to anyone(he probably doesn't even realise how much that quick chat helped). Working from home doesn't help the loneliness either.

I'm not someone who should be alone but (it may be partly why I'm single) I'm also very picky about who I let into my life after the trauma of an abusive relationship.

Not if you don't want that.

You’ve just summed it up.

It’s a bit like someone who wants a baby, but can’t, being told they are lucky to have all that time to sleep in and do what they want whenever, when actually they hate having all that time to themselves and don’t like sleeping in. Each perspective is valid but sometimes people just don’t enjoy their circumstances even if others would appreciate it.

I think there’s a bit of toxic positivity around the conversation on singleness. Society and societal structures clearly favour coupled people and treat being single as a problem, or an undesirable temporary state to be overcome…but yet if singles say they would like a partner they are told theres something wrong with them.

Spot on.
I scream internally when someone says join a meet up group and or take up a hobby. Loneliness and or being single isn't about distraction.

I am 34 and in a relationship that's not really flowing. In my heart I know it won't ever become a proper thing. I'm basically alone. I live alone. He's useless with money and all his money goes on his own stuff. We never go out.

I walk around envious of couples. I clean peoples homes for a living and I walk around looking at all the photos and decor and beautiful gardens and I'm just alone. I have accepted I am alone and unless I meet someone on the school run or in work I won't meet anyone again. I dont have the social life. I get you. I also feel empty without the closeness and plans together.

I appreciate how you feel. But I suspect if you had to go into hospital you would have your partner there. When you're older your children will visit you and you can go out with them. You're probably not thankful for every stranger that speaks to you nor goes home to an empty house.

I'm single for the first time in 30 odd years and despite a very difficult series of events that got me here, I'm loving it. I have a very busy life, I'm actually alone less than I was when married because of my large circle of friends and activities. However, it took a lot of effort to get here. You have to put yourself out there and arrange things, find single friends, join things, invite people to do things with you and yes learn to enjoy your own company. I went to dinner and theatre on my own last week and felt completely at peace with no one to "entertain".

I do struggle sometimes e.g. when there's no one to sit with you at A&E in the middle of the night, but there are as many pros as cons.

Whatever your situation though, I firmly believe you have to learn to love yourself before you can be happy, single or not. If you're looking to someone else to make you happy, that's not going to work out.

I'm reading this and agreeing with everyone's perspectives.

I'm fresh out of a relationship (first after divorce) so I'm back to where I was - thinking about how much I'm enjoying the space because that was one of my issues in the relationship, but equally missing the companionship and the sex. And I'm having the same panic/ thoughts around who I'd call if I was in a crash! Probably him actually, as we're still friends or my ex husband as he's the father of my kids, but I digress.

I think you can feel all these things at once, motivated to make the effort and exhausted that it's all on you to make it happen.

Poor OP has left I think. My thoughts on this are in the Victorian times single women would pair up. Not in a romantic sense but for companionship. They would even live together sometimes. It's a lovely idea that maybe needs reviving.

This is one of the saddest threads I've ever read. I find it hard to relate to, and to think many women feel life isn't worth living without a partner is truly shocking. I recall a girl crying when we were 17 because she was on the shelf. Why are grown women conditioned this way? This isn't to shame anyone, feelings are valid, but it's frightening. How do we combat this approach (other than finding Prince Charming?)