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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just slapped my OH around the face before with finishing him

210 replies

lemonbabe · 29/08/2023 21:44

…and now I’m feeling dreadful😥Very long story short … together 7 years, blended family, 2 teenagers each. Years of me trying to instil some form of normality here since he has never educated his kids in any way, shape or form. Every time there’s been a problem with the kids he goes into complete denial and if I persist he just loses it with me. We had an argument yesterday ( I had a go at my 18 year old for leaving a messy sink load of pots, eating his dinner in his newly-decorated bedroom at midnight, and (very probably) smoking in there to boot. OH said I create stress and a bad atmosphere when I have a go at the kids. I said I had to get out, meaning go for a walk to think about more pleasant things … I said to him that it would’ve been nice to have had some parental support from him whilst I ranted for 10 minutes whilst he turned mute. He the lost it completely and started yelling at me in the street as I left to go for a walk. Things got worse tonight because he refuses to talk -lost it again when I tried to mention the state of our relationship. He turned around and said ‘yeah and my daughter went to her mothers yesterday because of you shouting’. That was the red flag to the bull for me I’m afraid. I slapped his face and told him I was done with him. He said ´ok’

OP posts:
gamerchick · 29/08/2023 21:47

Sounds like it's the end of the road OP. There's no going back once it gets physical.

DustyLee123 · 29/08/2023 21:47

I should think he’s finished with you as you assaulted him. You really need to reflect on what you’ve done. I hope you get back on track moving forward.

Cincinnatus · 29/08/2023 21:47

Pretty grim tbh

changed1 · 29/08/2023 21:49

And you should feel dreadful, I hope he does end things completely. For his children's sake

Gazelda · 29/08/2023 21:49

So what happens now? Do you live together? Where do the DC live? How are the DC? It must have been pretty traumatising for them.

Janieforever · 29/08/2023 21:49

I dunno, maybe he’s got a point, I think I’d address your shouting and how you adddress situations and communicate and also the domestic violence. I hope the relationship is over. No one deserves to be assaulted.

BillaBongGirl · 29/08/2023 21:50

Sounds like it is probably for the best that it is finished. You’re both shouting at each other. The teen DC are in an unhappy home so act accordingly. You’ve now crossed the line into DV, which often escalates with the man retaliating physically.

Time to make arrangements to divide up assets and live apart. I’m sorry it didn’t work out, it sounds like tons of effort for no reward.

RunningFromInsanity · 29/08/2023 21:51

I hope he finds the strength to report this domestic violence.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/08/2023 21:52

Appalling behaviour, no need to physically assault him unless it was self defense.
Best you part ways if you resort to this behaviour.

YoSof · 29/08/2023 21:55

Arguing in the street and then slapping him?
Yes the relationship is over and so it should be.

Is he right in that you have a go at the kids or shout often? It sounds like you might need to work on your anger.

Give0fecks · 29/08/2023 21:55

You use the phrase “red rag to a bull” like it absolves your of any responsibility for your actions. It sounds like you feel he said something inflammatory so you couldn’t help your response.

incorrect. You are not an animal, you are responsible for your own reactions. Inexcusable.

Hiddenvoice · 29/08/2023 21:57

Sorry but it sounds like a pretty volatile relationship and it’s probably for the best that it’s over. You’ve assaulted him and really there should be no going back from that.
It seems like tensions are high, shouting constantly, to the point that a teenager chooses to stay elsewhere is wrong. It shows you how unsure and worried they are.

Take some time to cool down and apologise to everyone. Work on yourself and maybe seek some support. Your 18 yr old should know better but resulting to shouting every time is wrong.

Original poster
lemonbabe · 29/08/2023 21:57

He was shouting at me. I was not shouting - I was laying down the law with my son. He called me a liar and goaded my son to call me a liar too. He said some very nasty things knowing full well that he’d hurt me.

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 29/08/2023 21:58

Poor kids.

Ponderingwindow · 29/08/2023 21:59

A house full of shouting isn’t healthy for anyone. Add violence the mix and the relationship needs to end. Best to extricate yourself and your children from the situation as quickly as possible.

Hopefully with some space you can be calmer and stop screaming at your children. If you suspect that won’t be enough to change, start looking for therapy now.

Janieforever · 29/08/2023 22:00

lemonbabe · 29/08/2023 21:57

He was shouting at me. I was not shouting - I was laying down the law with my son. He called me a liar and goaded my son to call me a liar too. He said some very nasty things knowing full well that he’d hurt me.

Ok, I think everyone assumed your “ten min rant “ inc shouting as he accused you of and said his daughter had to leave due to it.

either way you don’t seem in a good place, ranting, violence. Hopefully it’s over and uou can maybe take some time or get help to control your emotions.

SoupDragon · 29/08/2023 22:00

lemonbabe · 29/08/2023 21:57

He was shouting at me. I was not shouting - I was laying down the law with my son. He called me a liar and goaded my son to call me a liar too. He said some very nasty things knowing full well that he’d hurt me.

If you weren't shouting, why does his daughter think you were?

it's irrelevant of course. You assaulted him and there's no excuse.

Quitelikeit · 29/08/2023 22:00

Disgusting there’s no excuse for violence I hope he dumps your sorry ass!

TomatoSandwiches · 29/08/2023 22:01

lemonbabe · 29/08/2023 21:57

He was shouting at me. I was not shouting - I was laying down the law with my son. He called me a liar and goaded my son to call me a liar too. He said some very nasty things knowing full well that he’d hurt me.

If he was undermining you then leave him/finish the relationship.
What you don't do is hit someone who is verbally winding you up, there is no need, it is assault, you are teaching your children it's ok to get physical during an argument.

justasking111 · 29/08/2023 22:02

Sounds like a pretty unhappy house to be honest.

Hiddenvoice · 29/08/2023 22:03

You had a go at your 18 year old, you ranted for 10 mins (not sure if to your partner or your teenager) another teenager left the home because they felt uneasy and upset. All these suggest it wasn’t good.

He may have said some nasty things, your son too but that doesn’t mean you result in violence. You had a go at your 18 year old who would have been fed up and upset so they’ve argued back.

Sorry but you’re not innocent in this. I feel sorry for the teenagers as it feels like it’s all been building to this.

readbooksdrinktea · 29/08/2023 22:07

What do you want people to say? You should feel dreadful, and he should get away from you. You assaulted him.

Original poster
lemonbabe · 29/08/2023 22:08

TomatoSandwiches · 29/08/2023 22:01

If he was undermining you then leave him/finish the relationship.
What you don't do is hit someone who is verbally winding you up, there is no need, it is assault, you are teaching your children it's ok to get physical during an argument.

Show quote history

Yes he was undermining me but also making fun of me and HE was the one shouting at me, I actually didn’t raise my voice to my son or my OH, I just told my son in no uncertain terms how unacceptable it was to leave such a mess when I go out. Tonight things got heated between me and OH because he refuses to have a discussion and instead starts waving his arms all over and shouting at me!!

OP posts:
Anywherebuthere · 29/08/2023 22:08

Do him a favour. Don't try to get back together with him.

It doesnt sound like a healthy relationship. You have already been violent. The domestic abuse will only get worse.

You can't minimise your part in it.

bookworm44 · 29/08/2023 22:10

You don't hit people because they argue or shout, end of.

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