Just slapped my OH around the face before with finishing him

[lemonbabe]

…and now I’m feeling dreadful😥Very long story short … together 7 years, blended family, 2 teenagers each. Years of me trying to instil some form of normality here since he has never educated his kids in any way, shape or form. Every time there’s been a problem with the kids he goes into complete denial and if I persist he just loses it with me. We had an argument yesterday ( I had a go at my 18 year old for leaving a messy sink load of pots, eating his dinner in his newly-decorated bedroom at midnight, and (very probably) smoking in there to boot. OH said I create stress and a bad atmosphere when I have a go at the kids. I said I had to get out, meaning go for a walk to think about more pleasant things … I said to him that it would’ve been nice to have had some parental support from him whilst I ranted for 10 minutes whilst he turned mute. He the lost it completely and started yelling at me in the street as I left to go for a walk. Things got worse tonight because he refuses to talk -lost it again when I tried to mention the state of our relationship. He turned around and said ‘yeah and my daughter went to her mothers yesterday because of you shouting’. That was the red flag to the bull for me I’m afraid. I slapped his face and told him I was done with him. He said ´ok’

Actually I have been physically, sexually, mentally and emotionally abused by ex partners for more years than I care to remember.

It didn't start with a slap. The violence came well into the relationship. Lots had happened to destroy me prior to the slap

I see this as the same men maybe stronger, they're also less likely to be believed and more reluctant to hit back against a woman

And i find it weird how little empathy you have sitting on your high moral horse for someone in the same situation. We all have different boundaries, support network, capacity to cope with stress. If we were all the same we'd all be getting gold medals in the olympics. I'm not justifying violence but it's different smacking someone on the face out of the blue and different when you're being goaded into it.

You need to stand firm in your decision to end things. When things start to get physical you put yourself at significant risk of harm. On this occasion your partner didn't retaliate, but if he had it wouldn't be the first time a slap had been met with one back, and assuming Iike most men, he's bigger and stronger than you, you could end up seriously injured. When things reach the point you can't keep your hands to yourself, there's only one course of action left, and that's to leave for both your sakes. And if you regularly find yourself hitting out in anger, that's something you also need to address urgently.

I find it weird how little you comprehend domestic violence from women to men, yes we all have diefferent boundaries and support network... I had nothing living in a country i didnt speak the language, no family unable to leave due to the hague convention. You want a gold in the olympics ... you got it, im not in anyway involved or interested in your life. Violence is wrong full stop

Please tell me your personal experience of surviving attempted murder of you and your child

Some of these comments are disgusting

@GilbertMarkham you should really take a step back and think about what you are saying here

ONE slap is domestic violence.

I think I'd first suggest learning to read as you didn't understand most of what I read. Secondly, not seeing beyond the tip of your nose must be hard.
I don't have to prove you anything, it's not a race who was more abused. Clearly your experience taught you nothing but selfishness and made you devoid of any empathy.

The average man and the average woman, presumably unarmed, if this incident had escalated, realistically, who's life would have been at risk?
Its entirely possible to condemn a woman for hitting a man, without the need to pretend the danger he faces from her is equivalent to the other way around.

Youre posting about someone else needing empathy?????

Are you so determined to win a point that you're willing to lose your own ideals?

Someone literally posted about brutal abuse to herself and her child and you're telling her she's devoid of empathy and should look beyond the end of her nose??

Do you feel better about yourself now?

And i simply don't understand why so many posters are minimising it just because it was a woman that did the hitting. If a man did the same you'd all be chanting ltb 🤷‍♀️

Exactly! It's always minimised when it's from a woman to a man though, like it's no big deal. This is exactly why men don't report it.

And excuses are even made from professionals. A social worker once said to my DH about his ex hitting him, "she's explained this to me and it was because she was emotional and had found out he had been talking to another woman". She proper tried to justify it.

A woman endures seven years of emotional and verbal abuse. Her stepson witnessed it during those years and calls her a whore.

She finally broke and slapped his face.

Posters on here think the man should call the police and have her charged with physical abuse.

I've read all her posts now and am so confused. Are we living in a male dominated regime must we accept our punishment if it's only verbal from our partner and his offspring.

Should I accept our culture has changed now?

I've already told her to leave in my previous post. Hitting someone is always wrong. Hitting a man if you are a woman is also an extremely dangerous thing to do.
Obviously women need to be strongly discouraged from assaulting their partners, but trying to do this by exaggerating the physical risk to the man is a self defeating strategy. If you're a smallish woman you will know full well that slapping a much larger man isn't going to present a physical risk to him, so its pointless offering that up as a reason not to do it.
Far better to be realistic and stick to the real reasons why its wrong rather than creating a false equivalence.

I first sugest learning to read as you ignored most of what you read, not seeing beyond the tip of your nose must be hard, you have never been in that situation, i have and worse.
I dont have anything to prove, its not at a race to who was more abused but to how you react to it.
Clearly your experince taught you nothing but selfishness and made you devoid of any empathy

its easy to be patronsing when you have never been , in that situation, but you ignore people who have been and survived much worse. Shame on you. Really i pitty you and your poor understanding

How embarrassing

Why have you tried so hard for so long?

Sounds as if you should have walked away long ago-what stopped you?

@lemonbabe you best start looking for some accommodation cos he should kick your sorry arde out on the street.

Thank you Baileys,
its not about who has survived worse, but what we can do when we face this situation. Physical violence is NEVER ok, We were attacked so violently he wanted us both dead, me and my 3 year old son, violence back was never an option.
Police were called, we went into a womens refuge and sought legal advice from there.
The moment anyone attacks another is end of game.
Man or woman, violence is wrong

And maybe next time it won't be just a slap. Just maybe it's s slippery slope that will escalate. It doesn't matter what size anybody is if a knife is involved.

And maybe next time it won't be just a slap. Just maybe it's s slippery slope that will escalate. It doesn't matter what size anybody is if a knife is involved.

Unlikely though, isn't it? I mean, some of the girls I went to school with occasionally slapped each other, i don't think any of them went on to murder people.

You lost the moral high ground when you slapped your husband round the face. I’m presuming this was in front of all the children? It sounds like a toxic relationship and you need to go your separate ways.

My father did this to my mum for years , constant goading ,name calling ,threatening to kill her and the worst one was running towards her with his fist ready to punch her and stopping just at the last second over and over again he was a fucking animal . My mum could never hit out at him because she was too broken for that but that is exactly what he was trying to do get her to hit out so he could look like the victim . My mum never broke , but fucking I did I new my mum was not going to survive it. I punched my dad so hard in the mouth and threw him out if the house we never saw him again . My mum said she would have either lost her mind and killed him or herself .I don't care what people think I saved my mum's life that day. Noone knows the full story in someone's relationship .

Sounds like you'll be better off single, there's no excuse for inflicting this trash relationship on two different kids for years, and no excuse for assault.

Enjoy life free of boyfriends and theatrics.

Time to call it quits, what’s done is done.

He shouts at you and you hit him- nothing good here is there.

Yes you saved her life, but why didnt she save yours?

Because she was broken and a mess and couldn't cope simple as that !. This isn't about brute force it's about control . I found the strength and stopped him. And I never ever blamed her once for it .