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Original poster

Red flag ?

218 replies

diamondinaruff · 13/08/2023 23:02

Recently went on an on line dating app and matched with a guy

Now I don't know if he's just super keen or if this is a cultural thing or what.....unsure it matters but he is Sikh

He seems really nice , open and keen

But since we matched he rings me daily , messages a few times a day.
We have scheduled a date soon

He just seems a bit keen and bouncy , like I get really gushing messages about how amazing he thinks I am which is nice but I keep saying whoa boy we haven't even met yet !

He says he just knows we'll get on and I don't dismiss that I think we will , but he's also wealthy and quite a smoothie , nice looking too

Now my experience in the past of OLD makes me sensibly wary

He's been at a family gathering and still rung / messaged. I don't always answer as it feels a bit much this early on , but I do reply to the messages .

I'm definitely going to meet him as he actually does appear quite genuine but I'm really u sure If that's my wishful thinking after kissing a few (lots actually) frogs !
I've also got a few health issues which I told him of and he said he doesn't care , not that shallow , still wants to meet
Thoughts please ?

OP posts:
SeeTheWorldAnotherWay · 13/08/2023 23:16

I think you with your gut. Meet for a coffee, go with your gut. You won’t be wrong :)

Nichebitch · 13/08/2023 23:18

This would be a massive worry for me, I don’t think is normal to contact several times a day someone you never met in person. Lovebombing is always a big red flag!

Begsthequestion · 13/08/2023 23:19

I would personally be put off by anyone gushing over someone they'd never met. He doesn't genuinely know you at all, so it sounds a lot like love bombing unfortunately.

How come he's calling you daily yet you've not managed to meet?

Are there any other red flags?

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 13/08/2023 23:27

No we only matched a week ago , he wanted to ring that night and I thought fine - no time like the present .

We agreed we'd meet soon .

He's rung daily , but I haven't always answered.

He's single , was married with adult kids as am I . It that old thing of when something looks too good to be true .....he's just so gushing. Calling me gorgeous, telling me I'm a wonderful person inside and out , I mean we've really got on on the phone and everything, but yeah it makes me a bit uncomfortable. He is really attractive and seems to just want to treat me like a real lady which on one hand is lovely , and he seems quite genuine . He's at a family wedding (big Indian wedding so 5 days of celebration ) and ha rung every day from there .

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondinaruff · 13/08/2023 23:31

I think a coffee date ( which he also suggested ) is the way to go .

OP posts:
JMSA · 13/08/2023 23:33

Ask yourself if it's really YOU he's into. Or if it's the thought of having a girlfriend. Any girlfriend!
Sorry OP, but I've seen this before. Some men will latch on big-time, when they find a woman who'll give them the time of day.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 13/08/2023 23:40

I don't get it tho - he's super nice looking - like really sharp . Has money. Seems nice . Obviously had a successful marriage with two kids .

I'm not gonna ditch before I've met him . I took a long break from OLd after meeting Neanderthals ! This guy seems so different to that but just a bit OTT

OP posts:
Olika · 14/08/2023 00:36

Just be careful. This is a massive red flag to me. I met guys like this when I was online dating and I never met them in the first place or never met them again after first meet-up. You have to go with your gut feeling.

Runnerinthenight · 14/08/2023 00:45

Just give him a chance - I think you will have a clearer idea when you meet him. Make sure it's in a public place.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 00:49

Thanks - I figured just meet , see , go with feeling.

Could be a really lovely guy
Or could be someone to avoid

OP posts:
Begsthequestion · 14/08/2023 00:51

diamondinaruff · 13/08/2023 23:40

I don't get it tho - he's super nice looking - like really sharp . Has money. Seems nice . Obviously had a successful marriage with two kids .

I'm not gonna ditch before I've met him . I took a long break from OLd after meeting Neanderthals ! This guy seems so different to that but just a bit OTT

A successful marriage? So he's not divorced I take it.

How does he know you're "a wonderful person inside and out"? You've been speaking for a week. What makes him seem genuine to you?

Maybe I'm just jaded but he sounds like a potential narcissist, sorry. Tread carefully.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 00:52

Cos no he's very divorced !!!! Else I wouldn't entertain 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 00:53

He HAD. A successful marriage. Past tense .

OP posts:
Begsthequestion · 14/08/2023 00:55

diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 00:53

He HAD. A successful marriage. Past tense .

Ah right. Do successful marriages end in divorce? I was thinking he is widowed or something.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2023 00:58

diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 00:53

He HAD. A successful marriage. Past tense .

It couldn't have been very successful if he got a divorce. Sorry op, but the gushing over you after being in communication for one week is not normal. It's creepy as fuck and a massive red flag.

JibbaJab · 14/08/2023 01:00

Hmm this to me comes across love bombing and you're potentially being hooked, judging by the way you've described how you feel about him after a week. That's what it does, they seem so different because they are.

RoRosmama · 14/08/2023 01:06

To be blunt he wants a shag. I'm sorry OP I would avoid this man big time. Love bombing at its finest. Urgh!

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2023 01:14

You say that you've kissed a lot of frogs. I think you need to figure out why that's so. I'll be honest, I think your judgement is quite off. Nearly everything you've written about this man would have me running for the hills, yet you are still planning on meeting him even though you've clearly stated that he's made you uncomfortable. Why would you meet with a stranger you has already set off your radar? You're not listening to yourself. Why not?

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 01:24

I don't trust myself anymore to be blunt

I've had brief relationships with utter dogs so he seemed quite refreshing in many ways

Had my share of future fakers .

I thought meeting for coffee couldn't hurt - if he's too full on , I'll explain that and move on . Is this really bad ?

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 01:25

I mean he's said he'll never marry again , wants to maintain independence which for me is fine - I'll never live with anyone again .

He just seems honest but a bit full on .

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 01:27

I'm older . He is too . Thought a coffee can't hurt really .

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 01:29

He - If to be believed - seems way more invested in me than me him

I'd be happy to walk away if coffee is creepy

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2023 01:38

It's not normal to be invested in someone after a week, and he's never even laid eyes on you.

The fact that he's older makes his behaviour even more alarming. He's grooming you, plain and simple.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 01:59

He's laid eyes on me - we've video called .

I feel I'd be stupid to dismiss him without a coffee .

I'm actually older than him by 3 years so he isn't grooming me.
We are both in our 50s .

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 14/08/2023 02:02

Red flag.
Love bombing.

Talking about how amazing you are when he hasn't even met you. Huge red flag.

Inky exception might be if he was very young or maybe autistic (I'm not saying all people with autism are that way just that I've noticed a couple over the years that need reassurance so they'll want to talk every day. So it could just be that).

Either way, if you really want to meet him - set boundaries and see if he tramples them. Eg: 'I'm sorry but do you mind if we hold off the chatting till the date? I'm not much into texting, let alone when I don't even know if we'll hit it off yet'.

If he pouts or doesn't stick to what you've asked you'll know not to meet him.