Red flag ?

[diamondinaruff]

Recently went on an on line dating app and matched with a guy

Now I don't know if he's just super keen or if this is a cultural thing or what.....unsure it matters but he is Sikh

He seems really nice , open and keen

But since we matched he rings me daily , messages a few times a day.
We have scheduled a date soon

He just seems a bit keen and bouncy , like I get really gushing messages about how amazing he thinks I am which is nice but I keep saying whoa boy we haven't even met yet !

He says he just knows we'll get on and I don't dismiss that I think we will , but he's also wealthy and quite a smoothie , nice looking too

Now my experience in the past of OLD makes me sensibly wary

He's been at a family gathering and still rung / messaged. I don't always answer as it feels a bit much this early on , but I do reply to the messages .

I'm definitely going to meet him as he actually does appear quite genuine but I'm really u sure If that's my wishful thinking after kissing a few (lots actually) frogs !
I've also got a few health issues which I told him of and he said he doesn't care , not that shallow , still wants to meet
Thoughts please ?

Well you will both know if you either end it now or meet with him a couple of times for coffee. As that will lessen this intensity.

What you don’t want to do is buy into this weird unnatural infatuation by stringing it out.

Because he's a narcissist. He's not looking for a shag, he's looking for a victim. That's what love bombers are and what they do.

He's not happy to just be friends, he's just sure he can persuade you into more if he can just keep his foot in the door. He hasn't respected your "no".

Would you offer to support a stranger you've just met on an app through serious health issues who's just decided they're not dating at the moment?

Do you seriously not think it sounds a bit weird?

The fact you're taking this all at face value and think he sounds really genuine leads me to believe you are, in fact, quite vulnerable.

Also, should he be that particular type of person you do not want to end up in a relationship with one when having health issues.

I've suffered similar and went through all of that for years there was no explanation and which seems to actually be the result of emotional and psychological abuse.

They say they will support you but they don't, they do not like looking after or having to care for sick people. They see it as a burden, a weakness, resent you for it and actually stop you from getting better or make you even more sick.

You know what? Go for the coffee so you can move on as otherwise you keep going rounds and rounds. Just please be careful as feeling lonely/desperate often blinds your judgement and you end up letting people into your life who you usually would realise are not good for you. Good luck!

@yellowsmileyface The fact you're taking this all at face value and think he sounds really genuine leads me to believe you are, in fact, quite vulnerable.

Wot she said.

He's love bombing you.

OP, let it go. Walk away. You having health issues makes you even more vulnerable and gives him a way in to manipulating you. From my awful experience once someone like that has you in their clutches it is so hard for you to get out. I was really lucky and did get out.

I didn't notice that I was being love bombed because I was so in need of affection and the health issues made me even more so.

You have a good friend who can help you through this difficult time. It sounds icky but you really need to love yourself through this. It doesn't 't sound as though you are ready for a relationship right now. You have a lot going on and he sees that.\

You keep saying it's just a coffee. It isn't just a coffee. It's another step towards becoming entangled with him. You are already taken in by the fantasy he is weaving around you.

He doesn't have what you need or want. I know I encouraged you to go upthread but that was because you seemed hellbent on going for one reason or another. If you let him go you will feel disappointed and as though you have lost something, but that is just another sign that he is successfully drawing you in. Relationships shouldn't work like that.

With kindness haven’t even met this man .
You only know what he’s told you .
Focus on your health not on strangers from the internet. One or both of you are now starting to seem desperate and needy .
And you need to protect your well-being.

Obviously had a successful marriage with two kids.

Pmsl.

A successful marriage isn't one that ends in divorce.

(And was healthy and functional and respectful throughout, which you can never know about any marriage (that lasted or ended in divorce)nas an outsider).

Honestly this is like watching a car crash in slow motion and not being able to do anything about it.

OP you are placing way too much expectation on this man. He’s now future faking, in addition to all the other red flags, and you’re STILL making excuses and saying “oh what harm can it do to meet him for coffee”…

This is narc 101 behaviour. There’s more red flags here than a communist party convention in China.

This is so inappropriate. You are a stranger off a dating app.

He cannot possibly know whether he wants to see you for a second coffee without meeting in person let alone support you through a tough period of diagnosis and potentially serious illness.

A normal, measured, decent person would not be promising such things with no idea as to whether they will hit it off with you enough to want to get involved.

That is, in my view, homing in on your vulnerability. Why? I don't know. He could like the idea of helping someone. Could be a lot more dodgy.

But please answer whether it sounds normal to you and whether you would be making the same declaration in his position.

You probably are all those things he says about you - gorgeous etc. You just don't quite believe it yourself yet. You don't need validation from him. Trust yourself. get to know yourself. Then you won't need our advice as you will know instinctively what's best for you.

Oh OP! With respect, you seem incredibly naive. What this guy is doing and saying is classic love bombing and future faking, he's either preying on your obvious neediness or he's extremely emotionally immature. You seem very vulnerable to flattery and fantasy, so you will probably meet him and believe him. Good luck.

I'm truly not needy ! I'm more than happy alone ! I can't imagine ever living with a man - I can't sleep with someone in my bed !

He isn't genuine and he isn't the least bit invested.

You're just a random person from a dating site that he's managed to reel in with all his bullshit.

If you are currently undergoing medical diagnosis for MS or a brain tumour it would be madness getting involved with someone when you need to be 100% focused on your health. You owe him nothing., the last thing you need is the risk of him dumping and running, you need emotional stability.

Obviously not successful by the fact his is love bombing a woman he hasn't even met yet.

MASSIVE red flag. Trust your gut.

Coffee means a step further into any possible relationship.

Please don't do it.

Read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft instead.