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Original poster

Red flag ?

218 replies

diamondinaruff · 13/08/2023 23:02

Recently went on an on line dating app and matched with a guy

Now I don't know if he's just super keen or if this is a cultural thing or what.....unsure it matters but he is Sikh

He seems really nice , open and keen

But since we matched he rings me daily , messages a few times a day.
We have scheduled a date soon

He just seems a bit keen and bouncy , like I get really gushing messages about how amazing he thinks I am which is nice but I keep saying whoa boy we haven't even met yet !

He says he just knows we'll get on and I don't dismiss that I think we will , but he's also wealthy and quite a smoothie , nice looking too

Now my experience in the past of OLD makes me sensibly wary

He's been at a family gathering and still rung / messaged. I don't always answer as it feels a bit much this early on , but I do reply to the messages .

I'm definitely going to meet him as he actually does appear quite genuine but I'm really u sure If that's my wishful thinking after kissing a few (lots actually) frogs !
I've also got a few health issues which I told him of and he said he doesn't care , not that shallow , still wants to meet
Thoughts please ?

OP posts:
Olika · 15/08/2023 18:50

I actually felt like throwing up when I read your latest update. Yack

Pinkbonbon · 15/08/2023 19:07

Eee...definately a creepy weirdo.

Would have been a handsy creep if you met him. Probably insisting on giving you a lift home ect too...

Could have gone so wrong so fast.

Glad you've opted out of seeing him.

daisychain01 · 15/08/2023 19:08

When I say clueless he doesn't realise how he comes across. He may be an operator but in terms of knowing one's appeal, he is clueless as to how to interact with other humans, especially women.

daisychain01 · 15/08/2023 19:09

Would have been a handsy creep if you met him.

definitely sounds like he'd be an octopus.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 19:10

Yeah my mate just said no harm in a coffee but I feel I'd end up fighting him off

I don't want to be in that position.

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 15/08/2023 19:11

diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 18:43

I don't think he's clueless, I think he's a smooth operator

Today I'm sexy gorgeous amazing best of the best (no commas) and he can't wait to see me for a hug kiss and much more .

What girl could resist .

Anyway it's not normal

Block and delete mate, block and delete.

No good can come of leaving him able to contact you and if you cut contact he'll hopefully be onto the next rather than bothering you anymore.

Lucky escape!

MsCactus · 15/08/2023 19:14

By all means meet him, but there's a danger he's love bombing you.

He's never met you, he doesn't know you that well, he can't "know" you'll get on - you could be a mass murderer for all he knows at the moment - so he's projecting a fantasy onto you.

Yes it's a bit of a red flag. Quite immature/teenage like behaviour.

But there's no harm in meeting him - just be wary!!!

morbidd · 15/08/2023 19:25

Just go for the coffee.

Olika · 15/08/2023 19:42

You don't think you will manage to get through a coffee with this person being so OTT

Sandra1984 · 15/08/2023 19:47

Olika · 15/08/2023 19:42

You don't think you will manage to get through a coffee with this person being so OTT

I believe she should get a single expresso instead of a large cappuccino 🤣😂🤣

Olika · 15/08/2023 19:55

Sorry it was meant to say I don't think you will get through. @Sandra1984 lol definitely.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 21:55

Now I'm a bit confused

I'm having major health problems and I'm being investigated for amount other things , a brain tumour or multiple sclerosis among other things

I sent a message saying I'm going to be concentrating on y health and to that end I won't be dating and have come off the dating site

He's replied saying there's way more to him than meets the eye and he wants to help me get through it if I want him to

I'm confused now because that doesn't seem to be the response of someone shallow , or just out for a shag ?

OP posts:
Celynfour · 15/08/2023 21:59

Your latest update makes it worse
Why would a COMPLETE STRANGER offer to support you through serious health issues

monsteramunch · 15/08/2023 21:59

Mate. Come on now.

You're ignoring very clear red flags again.

What's happened is that you've said 'no', effectively. And his response is not to listen to your 'no' and instead try to persuade you to change your mind.

Normal, well adjusted, healthy people do not do that. They hear 'no' and accept it.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 22:03

Oh god .

It felt quite genuine . He says he's happy to be friends .

OP posts:
Sheog · 15/08/2023 22:10

Lol. Please keep safe from this genuine threat. You can string it out for another day

monsteramunch · 15/08/2023 22:15

diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 22:03

Oh god .

It felt quite genuine . He says he's happy to be friends .

But OP this man has repeatedly made you uncomfortable. He rang you daily even when you didn't answer daily. He sent messages you felt were far too full on and unnerved you to the point you started a thread about it. He ramped up further to the point you decided earlier you didn't want to see him.

You told him no thanks.

He didn't accept your 'no thanks' and has instead continued to push boundaries by insisting there's more to him than you realise and saying (despite him banging on about how gorgeous you are etc) that he's happy to just be friends.

And you seem to take all the above and basically write it off with what seems like you saying 'ah but he says he's nice so it would be mean to draw a line under it'?!

I could shake you 😬

Sandra1984 · 15/08/2023 22:17

@diamondinaruff He's replied saying there's way more to him than meets the eye and he wants to help me get through it if I want him to.

Basically he's seeing that you're backing off and the love bombing is not flying so he's trying another strategy. You don't owe any explanations to this stranger.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 22:29

It's just so hard when you've been alone for so long and now there's the added worry and anxiety that if I'm I'll that's it for me , and then this apparent knight in shining armour rocks up who seems so keen , quite genuine, and isnt I
Running away at the mention that I may be I'll with something quite serious

I have always been quite trusting but it's never bitten me on the arse

I am torn between meeting with a healthy dose of scepticism and binning him off but I wonder if I'll regret that if I don't satisfy my curiosity about how genuine he is

After all , I've decided not to date further . My hobbies are on hold neck can't physically do them. I'm either off sick or working from home. I have zero social life anymore . I'm stuck in the house 24/7

Would going into my village for a coffee be so bad ? Even with a stranger ?

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 22:30

I really aren't stupid or vulnerable. By the way .

OP posts:
Sheog · 15/08/2023 22:31

Well, do it or don’t do it. You have had pages of advice which won’t change.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 22:36

I've asked my besties opinion.
He knows me .

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 15/08/2023 22:39

@diamondinaruff t's just so hard when you've been alone for so long and now there's the added worry and anxiety that if I'm I'll that's it for me , and then this apparent knight in shining armour rocks up who seems so keen , quite genuine, and isnt Running away at the mention that I may be I'll with something quite serious After all , I've decided not to date further . My hobbies are on hold neck can't physically do them. I'm either off sick or working from home. I have zero social life anymore . I'm stuck in the house 24/7 .

You are not stupid by any means, but for x and y reasons you are definitely in a very vulnerable position right now. You're seeing this stranger full of red flags as your knight in armour who is going to save you, he's smelling your vulnerability and is coming full on. It's in moments like this (desperation) when we make our worse decisions.

Notamum12345577 · 15/08/2023 22:39

As you say, what harm can a coffee in a public place away from you home do?

MsCactus · 15/08/2023 22:48

I don't see any issue with meeting him for coffee OP

I do think he has red flags, but he could be a fun fling or turn out to be ok etc - I'd just be cautious tbh, and don't believe his gush