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Original poster

Red flag ?

218 replies

diamondinaruff · 13/08/2023 23:02

Recently went on an on line dating app and matched with a guy

Now I don't know if he's just super keen or if this is a cultural thing or what.....unsure it matters but he is Sikh

He seems really nice , open and keen

But since we matched he rings me daily , messages a few times a day.
We have scheduled a date soon

He just seems a bit keen and bouncy , like I get really gushing messages about how amazing he thinks I am which is nice but I keep saying whoa boy we haven't even met yet !

He says he just knows we'll get on and I don't dismiss that I think we will , but he's also wealthy and quite a smoothie , nice looking too

Now my experience in the past of OLD makes me sensibly wary

He's been at a family gathering and still rung / messaged. I don't always answer as it feels a bit much this early on , but I do reply to the messages .

I'm definitely going to meet him as he actually does appear quite genuine but I'm really u sure If that's my wishful thinking after kissing a few (lots actually) frogs !
I've also got a few health issues which I told him of and he said he doesn't care , not that shallow , still wants to meet
Thoughts please ?

OP posts:
Lightningspeed · 14/08/2023 23:45

I mean a coffee won't do any harm, don't be guilted or flattered into going somewhere else. See if he is willing to engage in authentic truthful conversation, not just flim flam wankery. Good luck.

Lightningspeed · 14/08/2023 23:49

Also don't think because he is sikh he is automatically "good".

Sandra1984 · 14/08/2023 23:54

diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 23:40

I think I owe it to myself to meet

I've never met a truly nice man on line and while there's a part of me thinking he's too nice there's a part of me wanting to find out

I'm being cautious. We will meet in a public place , for coffee .

I've previously rushed into lunch dates or meals , and I'm not doing that anymore. The break did me good . My opinion is a coffee can't kill me . If it feels off I'll be happy to call it a day .

That's very strange OP the fact you've never met a truly nice man on OLD if you've been doing it so many years? I did it for six months and there were a lot of nice guys looking for a relationship (plenty of douches too), problem is we were not a good match, had different future goals etc.. but there are nice guys (they exist). What worked for me really well was having a first online video wassap date were we had a coffee and log chat. That helped me weed plenty.

Sandra1984 · 14/08/2023 23:55

There's nothing worse than an awkward date in real life where you had to spend money, travel time etc...

DameCurlyBassey · 14/08/2023 23:56

Sandra1984 · 14/08/2023 23:54

That's very strange OP the fact you've never met a truly nice man on OLD if you've been doing it so many years? I did it for six months and there were a lot of nice guys looking for a relationship (plenty of douches too), problem is we were not a good match, had different future goals etc.. but there are nice guys (they exist). What worked for me really well was having a first online video wassap date were we had a coffee and log chat. That helped me weed plenty.

Show quote history

I love the idea of the online video date. I might be tempted to do that myself.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 23:56

Sandra how old are you ?

I think my age group is difficult. Most men of my age are single for a reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 23:57

We've chatted via video

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 14/08/2023 23:57

You've decided to meet which is your choice.

But remember that he's doing the below and it made you you uncomfortable enough that you made a thread about it.

I just get a couple of messages a day saying how amazing I am , not many out there like you, you're beautiful, remember how amazing you are, and always to have a blessed day.

He's rung daily , but I haven't always answered.

You say he sends a couple of messages a day and rings you every day. You also say you don't always answer. It's really weird and over familiar to call someone every day when they clearly don't want a call every day as they don't answer.

My potential date has seen 4 exceptional photos , a few video calls and a few calls

You've then minimised it to 'a few calls' but the important thing to remember is that he is calling you daily you say, even if you don't answer.

That's very over familiar and shows he isn't reading your signals / doesn't naturally understand boundaries.

You say:

yeah it makes me a bit uncomfortable.

But now say:

It's not so much that I'm uncomfortable- more I don't believe it

Just be aware you're already ignoring / denying your gut reaction of discomfort, before even meeting.

Don't fall into the trap of continuing to do so because your desire to meet someone is overriding your desire to listen to your gut and trust yourself.

Flowers
PippaAB · 15/08/2023 00:04

I just get a couple of messages a day saying how amazing I am , not many out there like you, you're beautiful, remember how amazing you are,

This is a big red flag to me (I'm sure you are amazing and beautiful). But he doesn't know you and has never met you. Like you say, if it came from your friend who does know you, has seen you in the good and bad, it would be different, but it just seems so insincere when you haven't met yet (I know you have video called, but only for a week)

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:10

I really appreciate the opinions so thank you and it's all food for thought

I feel a coffee is ok and will help me judge one way or the other

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:17
  • he is very attractive tho .

He'll probably not appreciate my lack of designer clothes and sunspecs. He seems very very well groomed and into labels

While I maintain my appearance I'm not in a position to buy designer clothes etc - his interest may wane!

It's an excuse for a coffee tho eh ?

OP posts:
FallingStar21 · 15/08/2023 00:26

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2023 00:58

It couldn't have been very successful if he got a divorce. Sorry op, but the gushing over you after being in communication for one week is not normal. It's creepy as fuck and a massive red flag.

Show quote history

I second that. He doesn't know you enough to be gushing how amazing you are 'inside and out' (the very phrase makes me cringe). Ringing daily.... sounds way too much, like he's already decided you're the love of his life and you'll be together forever!
He may be handsome and he may be wealthy, whatever - he still may be a creep. And his marriage was clearly not successful lol, else he'd still be married.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:30

Well I've decided I owe to myself to meet him and gauge it after that .

It's probably a non starter because if my OLD success is anything to go by this will follow form

Bit at least I know that now and I'm expecting a big fat zero

OP posts:
Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:30

I'm sociec too but was married 27 years.I call that a success. We had amazing kids . And still friends .

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 15/08/2023 00:34

diamondinaruff · 14/08/2023 23:56

Sandra how old are you ?

I think my age group is difficult. Most men of my age are single for a reason.

I’m 50.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:36

Sandra what app did you use ?

I'm 51 and been OLD since 47

OP posts:
HollowHeart · 15/08/2023 00:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Sandra1984 · 15/08/2023 00:40

Wait… a week?! If a guy on OLD rang me daily after a week of matching, sent me messages every day and told me how beautiful I am inside and out… I would be running to the hills so FAST. This is not a red flag, more like a communist convention 🤣

Sandra1984 · 15/08/2023 00:41

diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:36

Sandra what app did you use ?

I'm 51 and been OLD since 47

Tinder, match and OK Cupid.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:44

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

I'd start my own thread tbh and not hijack some else's

Sorry not being rude but you will get more answers if you just start a thread of your own with your own issue

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 15/08/2023 00:45

I only did it for six months but it’s not for me. It felt like a part time job and I’d rather use my precious energy in other things and meet people the organic way, but that’s just me. Plenty of people around me (my brother included) that found a great partner on OLD and are in good relationships.

HollowHeart · 15/08/2023 00:47

diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:44

I'd start my own thread tbh and not hijack some else's

Sorry not being rude but you will get more answers if you just start a thread of your own with your own issue

Show quote history

I'm sorry I'm new! I just reported this to get it removed. I meant to start this as my own thread but couldn't delete it! Apologies to the original poster.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 00:49

Sandra1984 · 15/08/2023 00:45

I only did it for six months but it’s not for me. It felt like a part time job and I’d rather use my precious energy in other things and meet people the organic way, but that’s just me. Plenty of people around me (my brother included) that found a great partner on OLD and are in good relationships.

That's why I don't just want to immediately dismiss this guy

We have easy flowing conversations and most matches drift off after a few days

I've found the whole online thing really tough but my hobbies are female oriented and I work from home

I have a good social circle but all women

I ditched tinder too cut throat which most men just wanting hook ups
Match I found most of the same men on freebies

I'm only on bumble now and I've little interest in that

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 15/08/2023 01:12

I hear you. In my case finding a man is not on my top priorities so I have little patience for swapping, weeding and going on akward dates. 3 years is very brave. I know we all like attention, a dude telling us how pretty we are etc..etc… but love bombing Sikh has red flags all over. I would go for the coffee but continue swapping.

Original poster
diamondinaruff · 15/08/2023 01:15

Thanks Sandra and I'll be proceeding with caution trust me

OP posts:
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