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Original poster

Dating in your fifties... why bother?

456 replies

Ellena646 · 04/08/2023 10:20

If I am brutally honest my experience of dating in my fifties has been: negging, below average sex, lazy WhatsApping (I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning) and what I am pretty certain is gaslighting infidelity cloaked as "it's just how the world of dating is now"... a bunch of greedy little boys with their hand stuck in the cookie jar that is OLD. Is it really worth the effort?

OP posts:
EBearhug · 30/10/2023 00:29

i don’t want to share a bed either but I would probably like to live with someone for company

Does it have to be a man, then? If you're not sharing a bed and it's just for companionship, then a good female friend in similar circumstances would work as well, I'd have thought.

MopeyDopey · 30/10/2023 00:42

EBearhug · 30/10/2023 00:29

i don’t want to share a bed either but I would probably like to live with someone for company

Does it have to be a man, then? If you're not sharing a bed and it's just for companionship, then a good female friend in similar circumstances would work as well, I'd have thought.

Oh interesting
I guess I want more commitment than that

so a shared home which might improve quality of life all round. Both parties have strengths and weaknesses and can support each other with affection and in practical ways

i think I know some married couples who ended up like that but probably didn’t start out with that. I dunno.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 30/10/2023 04:25

Livelifelaughter · 29/10/2023 22:58

I am glad it worked out, but I don't think it's that encouraging! I would be quite pissed off if I thought I was in a serious relationship and my bf then decided to move to the other end of the country....

Show quote history

It's, as these things often are, slightly more complicated than that, and to do with an adult child and a life-limiting illness.

Nursercurser · 30/10/2023 06:20

You sound really strong minded and so you are probably better off on your own! Or getting a dog for companionship!

FinallyHere · 30/10/2023 08:01

Summerhillsquare · 27/10/2023 13:00

I frequently see here that getting a male dominated hobby is a thing. Couldn't cycle any distance so that's out. I wonder what else there is?

Shooting is very male dominated though in my experience almost over eager to welcome women, especially anyone who takes it reasonable seriously and does what is necessary to become a safe shooter and a useful member of the club.

Can be indoor or outdoor and done properly, makes surprisingly good use of the body's core / abs. Steer clear of any club which does not put safety front and centre and eliminates anyone who does not take that commitment seriously.

Adrenalin rush entirely comparable with skiing or mountain biking without the risk to limbs. Recommended.

Summerhillsquare · 30/10/2023 08:20

I always swipe left on the gun weilders I'm afraid 😳

SamW98 · 30/10/2023 08:25

Summerhillsquare · 30/10/2023 08:20

I always swipe left on the gun weilders I'm afraid 😳

Ditto also men who say they fish and/or hunt

Skiing puts me off as well as I’ve had so many men tell I’m wrong when I say it doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t do cold - you telling me I have to give it a go isn’t a chat that I’m going to continue with

Summerhillsquare · 30/10/2023 08:26

So, footie and rugby then?!

SamW98 · 30/10/2023 08:34

I often go to watch football - it’s definitely not a place to meet men. There’s 60,000 of them and they’ve only got eyes for the 11 men on the pitch.

Loubelle70 · 30/10/2023 08:39

Nursercurser · 30/10/2023 06:20

You sound really strong minded and so you are probably better off on your own! Or getting a dog for companionship!

You can be strong minded and be with someone. Some men might not like a strong minded woman but some will. It says more about the insecure man than the strong willed independent woman.

beastlyslumber · 30/10/2023 08:47

MopeyDopey · 30/10/2023 00:16

“So there would be zero point to dating. Sex seems gross now, I don't want to cook, cleanup after, or nurse anyone, plus I don't want to share or pay for anything or do anything slightly I don't want to do, so I'm not sure what I'd get out of dating.”

this is where I am but I’d like companionship. I’m introverted and don’t want to be part of another family or social circle

it seems there aren’t men who want that and they want a porn style sex life. I would be relieved to meet a quiet guy who went fishing or cycling a lot and wasn’t constantly hanging around

i don’t want to share a bed either but I would probably like to live with someone for company

the dating landscape has changed a lot and I don’t understand it

In theory I agree that it’s better to meet someone naturally but in practice it’s hard and I don’t think meeting through hobbies is feasible as groups are limited

so I think I’m giving up and probably better with a dog

Honestly, if you feel this way, there is no point to dating. You don't want sex, want companionship but only occassionally, don't want to share much of your life... It doesn't sound like you want a partner at all. I fail to see what would be in it for someone else!

Get a cat? They go out a lot, do as they please, and just come around for a bit of attention once in a while.

MopeyDopey · 30/10/2023 09:12

It's not occasional company I'd like though. My last serious boyfriend was around about four nights a week. Apart from the bed sharing, it was fun, I liked having someone to chat to and he cheered up the ordinary stuff of life, you know? You can go for a late walk on a summer night and feel safe. The chores are less dull.

He was constantly wanting sex though, he didn't pester me but when you know someone wants to and you don't...also had debts so I felt like I had to suggest cheap stuff or pay for what I wanted to do. Tbh I was concerned about the mentality that got him into debt as well.

But yes, it fun to have someone around as a companion. But when the big stuff hits - illness etc - only real love can survive that.

What kind of shooting clubs are people thinking of? I would give that a try.

beastlyslumber · 30/10/2023 09:51

Don't get a boyfriend if you don't want sex! Or at least, be clear from the beginning that you don't want sex and seek out a partner who also doesn't want sex. Or just make a friend.

MopeyDopey · 30/10/2023 09:54

beastlyslumber · 30/10/2023 09:51

Don't get a boyfriend if you don't want sex! Or at least, be clear from the beginning that you don't want sex and seek out a partner who also doesn't want sex. Or just make a friend.

I quite like a couple of times a week - well, if not too busy or tired etc - but what is it with these men who have a permanent horn?!

beastlyslumber · 30/10/2023 10:03

MopeyDopey · 30/10/2023 09:54

I quite like a couple of times a week - well, if not too busy or tired etc - but what is it with these men who have a permanent horn?!

Edited
Show quote history

You're asking the wrong person! I'd do it all day every day if I had the time!

WeeDove · 30/10/2023 10:09

I found it horrendous in my 40s.
Would never try again now im 53.
I think I'm still attractive, slim, well turned out but might meet a man on OLD, you're not really attracted to him but you see if something grows, he's thinking, I'll play this game til she sleeps with me but obviously not commiting to an older woman. I was called an older woman by a man a year older than me.
Just press eject.
Be single.

Livelifelaughter · 30/10/2023 10:19

Nursercurser · 30/10/2023 06:20

You sound really strong minded and so you are probably better off on your own! Or getting a dog for companionship!

Who ?

SamW98 · 30/10/2023 10:23

I’m in my 50’s. I want to date, I want sex, I want nights out, holidays, nights in but i want to keep my own space. I don’t want to live with a man again.

I never thought it would prove so hard to find a likeminded man

FinallyHere · 30/10/2023 10:36

@MopeyDopey

What kind of shooting clubs are people thinking of? I would give that a try.

Start from https://nra.org.uk/get-into-shooting/ or https://basc.org.uk

Both are umbrella organisations with locally representations or affiliated clubs. I'd encourage you to enquire with both as there is considerable overlap and much depends on how you click or not with the clubs which happen to be local to you.

If you end up going to the Game Fair, I'd be happy to meet up even if just for a quick coffee and swap stories.

Nursercurser · 30/10/2023 11:49

I've been married for 25 years now and we have ended up as best friends. Mainly due to health problems! He has COPD and needs oxygen 24/7 and I have brain cancer which brings it's own unique difficulties. In fact I can't remember the last time we were intimate but I think it was 20 years ago!😞
I'm quite happy with it as I have no libido and due to the steroids I have put on loads of weight so I wouldn't wish being intimate with me on anyone 🤢

Shimla999 · 30/10/2023 14:38

SamW98 · 30/10/2023 10:23

I’m in my 50’s. I want to date, I want sex, I want nights out, holidays, nights in but i want to keep my own space. I don’t want to live with a man again.

I never thought it would prove so hard to find a likeminded man

This!
Except I'm 60

I'm really beginning to give up hope of ever finding anyone 😥

SamW98 · 01/11/2023 00:28

Well my one month subscription to Ourtime runs out today and I can honestly say it’s the worst £40 I’ve ever spent.
100% the most dreadful dating site as far as the quality of the men available goes.

Only recommended if you’re into extremely overweight pensioners wearing high viz who obviously had a hard paper round, give off Norman Bates vibes and won’t take a polite no for an answer.

If that’s your type - you’ll be drowning in offers. For anyone who isn’t turned on by giant fish and the not seen daylight or a shower for a decade look, I’d give it a swerve

EBearhug · 01/11/2023 00:59

I've never paid for a subscription on any site.

SingleMum11 · 01/11/2023 01:14

So it’s either get used and dumped for sex or go shooting? Ha ha it’s more depressing than I thought… 😆

Ironic emoji 😉

My Ex cheated on me with loads of other women on OLD, so it kind of puts me off…
But honestly if I ever get time off to go out and a babysitter, I might try it. But although I’d love some affection, I really think I wouldn’t have sex unless we were in love. I just think as older women we have to be quite protective - if we don’t have sex with them, then that gets rid of the cheaters, those clocking up numbers until they find the younger version, or the lazy players.

EBearhug · 01/11/2023 01:25

if we don’t have sex with them, then that gets rid of the cheaters, those clocking up numbers until they find the younger version, or the lazy players.

Bollocks to that. I love sex, and I'm happy to clock up my own numbers. Yes, I've used some of them for sex, but it was fun, we both had a good time, and then they bugger off so I don't have to clean up after them the rest of the time.