Dating in your fifties... why bother?

[Ellena646]

If I am brutally honest my experience of dating in my fifties has been: negging, below average sex, lazy WhatsApping (I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning) and what I am pretty certain is gaslighting infidelity cloaked as "it's just how the world of dating is now"... a bunch of greedy little boys with their hand stuck in the cookie jar that is OLD. Is it really worth the effort?

My photos were not like that at all. I had a selection of various shots, selfies, full length photos, etc and one I had a slightly low cut dress on. Not tight or plunging just a v neck mid length dress and that was the one that they were obviously commenting on

However, I got other very sexual first messages despite being clear I was not into hook ups or casual sex. That’s why I came off - too many sleazy men.

My photos don't show any skin whatsoever so cannot be why I've had messages like the one above. I don't allude to sex at all in my bio. I state things I enjoy doing, hobbies and that I'm looking to build a relationship. I never engage in any sex talk in messaging. It's just not me.

So no, in my opinion some men are just sleazy arseholes who get off on sending that type of message to women.

Yep. I shut down any attempt to sex chat but if that doesn’t stop them its delete and block.

Every one of my mates who has done OLD has had sleazy messages despite their profiles having nothing sexual at all and clearly saying they’re looking for a relationship.

It doesn’t matter to the creepy ones. In fact I think they get off on sending sleazy messages to women whose profiles are completely non sexual.

I'm near certain they were all genuine. Anyone actually selling paid services/professional would surely surely have better quality pics. (And quite possibly better taste in bras)

Anyone actually selling paid services/professional would surely surely have better quality pics.
If they've sneaked onto an OLD site then they are pretending to be normal women, not putting up professional ads.

One of my male friends says he gets quite a few professionals coming up, but as he's not shared any of their profiles with me, I can tell you what their taste in bras is.

Mind you, back when I was poorer and therefore booking cheap accommodation in various cities, which meant I ended up next to brothels (apart from the time I ended up next to a drug dealer,) the working women, some of them were dressed really quite scruffily, which didn't git eith the stereotype in my head. So thry might not be in great bras.

:)
Maybe i'm naive but i think not
This sort of thinking does seem common on mnet - posters pretending to be women being men. Posters being school kids on hols and not who they say they are. Etc etc.
Maybe mnet isn't what it claims to be?
Maybe we are all a single poster

:)
Can't tell i assume you mean

Just telling you my interpretation @Offwiththecircus - ignore it if you disagree with me. I've seen lots of articles in the news about fake profiles and bots on OLD sites, enticing men to click on links to webcam services or porn sites. Not sure what would be naive about thinking a weird profile was a potential fake.

Yes, sorry.

I blame autocorrect.

Regardless of whether there are scammers, fake profiles, bots or women posing in their bras doesn’t take away from the fact A LOT of genuine women are put off OLD because they get bombarded with sleazy sexual messages from creepy men.

I'm sure there are women on the apps selling their services. Doesn't take away from the fact that there are many, many more who are not. Women who are genuinely looking for a relationship who don't deserve to be violated with unsolicited dick pics, videos of them wanking etc. Obviously I don't know this for sure, but I'm pretty certain men don't get bombarded by women sending photos of their vaginas. I've been online dating on and off for a long time and have had a lot of dates and I've certainly never heard of a single man who has had that happen. Yet most women on there have at least one experience of sleazy messages, dick pics and worse 🤷‍♀️

Sadly, men do get it too. When I was dating I was gobsmacked by the stories I heard!

Thank goodness the plight of the poor men has been brought up finally. I thought their voice would forever remain unheard.

I managed thanks.

My H tells me that if you are a bloke there's a lot of sleaze out there with women 'promoting their services' on Twitter these days.

well that sounds like an interesting new thread.

I have no doubt men get some grief with OLD but I doubt they get the endless sleazy messages, comments about their body parts, asked if they love huge vaginas, told that someone is having a wank over their profile, asked how often they want their dick sucked etc etc etc that women get the equivalent of on a regular basis. And that’s without the unsolicited naked photos and telephone wank calls.

depends what you call "weird" I suppose. I didn't think them "weird", didn't condemn anyone - they were people - just kind of interesting/educational I suppose, though as I said I virtually always swerved such profiles for reasons I won't go into. Other things weren't great.

Everyone has bad days and if you can't be bothered to listen and show any empathy right at the beginning you're a waste of space.

Most conversations change directions and aren't a total wingefest.

I should make it clear that I am a woman and was genuinely amazed as to these stories from men. They’d all been sent unsolicited nudes, including a video of a woman indulging in water sports with an ex. Another chap had politely admired what he thought was an ear piercing .. 🙈

I tried ourtime after years of others and yes it was awful. I got the feeling that the real dregs are left on there. Lots of men who have issues or dissappear as soon as a meetup is suggested.

@AgnesX

Aye, everyone has bad days but it’s not appropriate to share them in-depth with a new partner.
The first weeks / months should be the honeymoon period, literally the lightest part of getting to know someone.

Your established support network is for moaning.

It’s about controlling yourself, not about offloading to anyone passing.

No one in the world is attractive while winging.

Seriously?? I’ve got a few male friends who do OLD and none of them had that erm pleasure.

Worst they seem to get is fake or very old photos. My friend went on a date with a woman who had said she was 54 but as actually in her 70’s and walked with a stick. She admitted the photos were her daughter and got really abusive when my mate cut the date short and was shouting across pub that age only a number and calling him a judgemental prick.