Dating in your fifties... why bother?

[Ellena646]

If I am brutally honest my experience of dating in my fifties has been: negging, below average sex, lazy WhatsApping (I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning) and what I am pretty certain is gaslighting infidelity cloaked as "it's just how the world of dating is now"... a bunch of greedy little boys with their hand stuck in the cookie jar that is OLD. Is it really worth the effort?

@GonnaGetGoingReturns

I never swipe for anyone retired because I still work full time and so I feel our schedules would be totally mismatched.

I don’t have 100’s of hours free time and can’t drop a day off at a minutes notice for a last minute break etc.

@SamW98 to be fair to my ex I don’t know whether he’s on dating sites. The other man I don’t think the site had a retired/work option, it was the site where you’re only active I think of on Thursdays.

But I agree with you, I’m generally similar.

This sounds familiar, had a date with a very nice man. His last relationship broke up because he moved in with his partner but also bought a home in London and France; to spend time there not as an investment. He genuinely couldn't see why his partner wasn't particularly happy. Long marriage then divorced, wanted a partner but also to lead a Batchelor life style; a sort of posh FWB..

There is perhaps something in this. For me you don't have to look like Elle McPherson (and I certainly don't look like David Gandy) but I want a partner who is intelligent, well-read and can converse on many different things.

I went on a two week holiday by myself earlier in the year - walking round a really good art gallery and really good museum I instinctively turned to make a comment about something before I caught that I was there by myself.

It's a numbers game. Logically how can this be ? Ultimately this is the comodification of human relationships, the market dictates a commodity's value.

Something is only worth what some will pay for it. Mary Harrington is very good on this.

Looks a bit like Rob Titchener from The Archers. Not a good thing!

I think looking like Rob is fine - I always had the impression he was good-looking. Behaving like Rob is another matter, however, and one should run away very quickly.

I don't care if they've paid on Bumble or Hinge, but if it's something like Our Time or Match and I've paid so that I can message it just irritates me when they say, "Oh can't message, sorry", why not? Just pay for it and show that you're keen enough to bother!

@ManAboutTown problem is many women will indeed want exactly what you said- but looking like David Gandy too!

I totally agree by the way- I don't care if someone looks amazing- if they sound like David Beckham and aren't interested in current affairs or music or good food- I'm not the one for them- or vice Versa

@Ellena646 I agree. If they haven't paid on Bumble or Tinder it's no biggie because you can message anyway and a subscription doesn't really give you much extra but I cannot understand what men get out of not paying on Match. Presumably they can flick through profile after profile, like them maybe (?) but can't make any contact or even read a message if one is sent to them? What is the actual point?!

And at £20 a month its not big bucks really so what does it say about them if they won't pay that really quite small amount? Happy for someone to explain to me 😊

Get yourself a man your age, why have you got with a man 15 years older.. who despite that is still looking for better..

I agree but the PP was specifically asking about Tinder and Bumble.

Yes, I agree with this too. I've been trying out Bumble and Tinder - it's taking me a while to get used to them and I've been busy with work so not had much time. But I can see that it really is not worth paying, as you can message to a certain extent without paying anything. However, with Ourtime you can't do a lot if you don't pay. So, there is very little point. And when I see these guys who post their phone number on their photo and say the don't pay, it doesn't impress me much, to be honest. I suppose that's a bit hypocritical of me, seeing I'm not willing to pay on Bumble or Tinder though! 😁 But I have paid on Ourtime. If you don't pay, you can read certain messages from paying members, but I'm not sure how it works.

By the way, I've come across quite a few familiar faces on Tinder and Bumble - guys who are also on Ourtime 😁

@Shimla999 Any luck? How have you been doing on these apps?

Well, I'm chatting to a few guys on each, but no dates arranged so far. One is a musician and actually performing in my town tomorrow. But it's in a bar and I'm not sure that's the best place to meet someone for the first time if they are working! He hasn't suggested it either, so I don't think I'll go.

It's so time-consuming too, isn't it? Then it sometimes gets awkward (I find) when you are not sure whether to continue the conversation (like one I have on Tinder, for example) as you don't know whether they want to write more or meet up or stop writing. Well, I suppose if they didn't want to write any more, they could just stop or they could just say so. I might say something like, 'if you are ever in my area and want to meet up for a drink, just let me know' and leave it like that. I'm not sure what other people do in these circumstances, but I seem to have quite a few ongoing conversations (one from Ourtime too) that are very interesting but probably won't lead anywhere! 😁

How are you getting on @cassiatwenty ?

I must admit I’m starting to wonder if I actually want a relationship with a man now.

Been single almost 4 years, got a very nice life with great friends and I’m thinking what I actually feel having a partner would bring to my life - and I can’t think of much tbh.

I love my own space, love the freedom to go out at the drop of a hat without worrying about anyone else, love finishing work and not having to make smalltalk with someone - the list goes on.

I’ve been trying OLD on and off since about March this year and quite frankly it’s been a damp squib - a handful of dates, none of them floated by boat so to speak and the comedy value of the sex pests as anecdotes is wearing off.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s my birthday this weekend that I’m having a bit of reflection and realising my life doesn’t have anything missing that I could get from a man.

My 25 year relationship with my ex was so easy and uncomplicated- we just gradually fell out of love - and I don’t want hassle, grief or drama in my life.

@Shimla999

Ive always thought WTF when someone puts their phone number on the OLD profile. It never occurred to me it’s because they’re not full members.
And does anyone really just randomly message a stranger?

I had a man I’ve never interacted with recently just send me his phone number and said ‘please give me a call tonight’ - errr no thanks 🤣

@Shimla999 Hey it's good to hear from you. I'm glad it's still working well for you and that there's possibility of experiences. Yeah OLD is weird like that, there's no feedback or some sort of thing that lets you know, sometimes is unclear.

Getting on fine thank you I took a bit of a break because back when I did it, nothing particularly bad happened, I was just bored with most chats and became indifferent towards it. But thinking it might be intresting when/if I'm ready for it.

@SamW98 I know what you mean about not wanting to live with a man and wanting your own space. I feel that way too. It's not that I don't want a relationship, I just want my own refuge. My own safe place.

I hope you have a great birthday weekend! Are you doing anything special to celebrate? 🎂🍾🥂

And yes, re. the phone numbers on photos - it is a bit crazy, isn't it? But who knows? Maybe it works!😁

@cassiatwenty

It's good to take a break I think - this OLD can be very time-consuming and mentally tiring too. Which sites were you using? I've been writing to a few guys on Bumble and Tinder and a couple seem quite interesting. But I'm trying not to get my hopes up about any of them. It can all start off so well, and then nothing. I'm getting bored with telling people my life story (well, it feels like my life story!) over and over again.

I'm meeting one guy tomorrow night for a drink. He's a musician and just by chance happens to be performing in my town. So, I can walk to the venue! Well, I'm meeting him before he plays😁

how was the date?

Well the hotty I saw a month agai us decided that the travel is worth the effort .....we'll see !

Keep us posted!

First time I’m aged I thought I’d give the Bumble speed dating a go.
Couple of matches seemed ok.

Then one sent a message - and I quote - ‘wow babe wish I’d seen your profile first. You’ve been well and truly blessed in the breasts area if they’re real’

Sigh - it doesn’t get any better does it?

@SamW98 I would have been very tempted to say- yep, but not quite as much as you being blessed with the twat gene!!