Dating in your fifties... why bother?

[Ellena646]

If I am brutally honest my experience of dating in my fifties has been: negging, below average sex, lazy WhatsApping (I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning) and what I am pretty certain is gaslighting infidelity cloaked as "it's just how the world of dating is now"... a bunch of greedy little boys with their hand stuck in the cookie jar that is OLD. Is it really worth the effort?

Sounds like a great idea - I'd sign up for that too 😁

"Im 💯 honest with saying to potential dates that I’m not absolutely sure what I do want but I know exactly what I don’t want. As long as there’s common ground and expectations are set, I think it’s a starting point."

I agree - I don't know exactly what I want, but I do know what I don't want.

This has probably been asked before, but I was just wondering what other people's experience was. My subscription with Ourtime ran out yesterday (I have only ever used it at the reduced 'special offer' price of 4.99 euros - I don't live in the UK). But I'm not too impressed with the site and would like to try some others. A friend recommended Tinder and I know some of you here have mentioned Bumble. I always thought Tinder was just for young people (I'm 60), so never tried it. Anyone found it a good site? I was told it was also used by people looking for friends, not just romantic partners, but I'm not sure whether that is really the case.

Or would you say Bumble was better? They are both more expensive than Ourtime (at the special offer price 😁) but maybe they are worth it. I have downloaded both apps and have had lots of 'likes' (or whatever they are called), but can't see the photos properly unless I pay. I'm not sure which app to try first.
Thanks in advance for any recommendations!

Our Time was just an awful experience, it was full of really old men lying about their age, bathroom selfies and revolting sexual offers from strangers... if you want to meet someone a bit more evolved I'd head for Bumble or Hinge. On Tinder you will get a lot of likes as men are swipe happy on there, but maybe not so many matches. Either way, it's worth paying for a subscription, and avoid any man who hasn't... if he can't be bothered to pay £10.00 a month to find a partner, imagine what dating him might look like? Yes, some people are struggling financially but ask yourself what you want lifestyle wise and then watch what they are showing you...

Either way, it's worth paying for a subscription, and avoid any man who hasn't... if he can't be bothered to pay £10.00 a month to find a partner, imagine what dating him might look like?

I'm not convinced it is worth paying for, so if I don't, it's unreasonable to expect anyone else to do so.

Completely agree. I don’t pay for a subscription and I wouldn’t judge anyone else who didn’t. It’s certainly not something i would consider a factor in whether to date anyone.

Bumble isn’t worth paying for premium for unless you get a special offer. You get very little for your money and the free version is more than sufficient.

I am mid 30s and caught my 50 year old partner on a dating app this week. I think there's sadly a good reason a chunk of these chaps are still single and hanging about online. I am not saying all of them. Some of them have likely been cheated on and lost partners etc. But I would guess a nice amount of men and women on dating apps are cheats, players and users.

I hate to say it. But now men have been introduced into this new world of women sending nude pictures and filtering and being all sexy for them online, they are like a child in a toy shop. They want to play with everything and I believe there's a need in some of them to get the most beautiful woman..but its not real. They always want more. What happened to wooing one girl?

I can honestly tell you being single in your 30s isn't ideal either. All the nice man are still married and settled.. travelling and having families. The single men my age are often on some sort of substance, always been alone and never had a relationship or they are cheats and players.

There doesn't seem to be much point dating fullstop now unless you just naturally meet and it happens x

I paid for a Bumble subscription purely because I had 100's of "likes" yet wasn't getting any matches. I was curious as to who all these likes were from. Turns out they were mostly from men whose locations were 100's if not 1000's of miles away. Total waste of money.

I think on Match you can only send or read messages if you've paid? I might be wrong though. Again, complete waste of money. I think a lot of men use it as a viewing platform to wile away a few hours of boredom.

@SamW98 I think I might have been out on a date with Steve from Kent 🙈. Was he into archaeology?

I would guess a nice amount of men and women on dating apps are cheats, players and users.

Yes, but it's usually easy to spot them. I'd probably assume most of them are until evidence otherwise. <cynical>

@daisydaily

I don’t know re Steve we didn’t get that far 🤣
All I know is he’s 6’2 - it’s first thing he mentions

Yes, but this is probably the case in real life too. I don't think it's just those who are on dating apps. That's the conclusion I've reached anyway. And the ones you suspect least are the ones who surprise you most! You never know😁 #evenmorecynical

@SamW98 I can't remember if he was tall. I walked out the pub mid-date after he made a particularly awful racist comment. It might not be the same one but if it is definitely best to steer clear. He goes down as one of my worst dates ever and I've had plenty!!

I've come to conclusion that all men in apps are defective.

I've a week left on "our time" got talking to man who seemed pleasant.

Felt a bit like I was being interviewed for wife but ok .....exchanged numbers

He sends a message last night saying I'm going to presume you're putting your efforts into someone else - I called him out in that
He apologised. Carried on chatting. Turns out he appears to have cuckold tendencies in the boudoir.

Fuck my life .

@capabilityfrowns

I hear you. Think being asked if I fancied a BDSM session by a bloke who was wearing XXXXXXXXXXXL clothes from Jacamo was my latest low.

Im on FB dating having a couple of chats and already been called a ‘right saucy looking sexy little sort’ - just what a woman needs to hear 🤮

Just saw this ad for Ourtime on FB and I had to laugh. Like there’s anyone on that dreadful site that looks anything like that 🤣🤣

He's cute 🥰

who pinched my photo!

OLD is just a mechanism to meet people. It’s not an end in itself. If you went to, say, an All Bar One (other bars/clubs are available)/office/night class how likely are you to meet the man of your dreams? Not that likely. OLD just widens the pool. I treated as an opportunity to meet some people I wouldn’t normally meet. Some were weirdos (the transsexual golfer was a highlight), some were not for me (the pub owner who lived with his mum had problems that were way too complex for me).

I was clearly not right for some of them (the man who asked me why I thought jeans and a top were appropriate for a first date), the sad slumlord guy who owned a yacht but seemed to spend most of his time spying on his employees and trying to get his daughter to like him, and some were really cool, just not for me (the horologist, the very wealthy rock band sound engineer). And I met my lovely DP. It’s a game of chance - know what you bring to the table, don't let anyone treat to as less that the magnificent woman you are, and don’t settle.

@BenZodiazapam i would read your dating memoirs. Sounds like you’ve met some interesting sorts! 😳

😂😂😂Yep - I saw hundreds of guys like him on Ourtime (not)!!!

I also cannot be bothered. I had a 6 month thing about 5 years ago which predictably ended badly and after it all my emotions seemed to have been sucked out. I tried OLD and met a couple of guys but my heart wasn't in it and to be honest I cannot imagine ever living with someone again. Too used to my own routine.

This!!!

I kind of dabble in OLD. Had someone just say Hi to me on a site a couple of days ago. Few short messages and then we spoke on the phone for well over an hour on first call

Turns out she is extremely well educated, own business and we spoke about many different things. May not lead to anything but what a beautiful surprise

Might write them some day! The trick is to set your sights really high and be very clear about what you’re looking for and how you expect to be treated. If you’re a masters educated professional solvent woman who likes reading Kurt Vonnegut and eating jalfrezi, and you’re looking for someone who likes festivals and cheese it’s ok to be very directional about it. It tends to weed out the ‘Hi fancy a shag?’ boys a bit better 😁

Very good advice, @BenZodiazapam, thanks! 😊

@ManAboutTown problem is that the choices for more mature women are it seems much lesser in quality than the choices for older men.

Going to add something here re mature men when dating. A few have other agendas eg early retired etc.

My ex fiance in Canada is retired early from army so has more free time.

I was speaking to someone on OLD last year who it turned out lives and works in London during the week but most weekends from Friday lunchtime/afternoon goes to his Devon house for the weekend and this is most weekends of the year. Great if you have the time to travel down with him but I didn’t.