Page 11 | Dating in your fifties... why bother?

Ellena646 · 2023-08-04T09:20:01+00:00

If I am brutally honest my experience of dating in my fifties has been: negging, below average sex, lazy WhatsApping (I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning) and what I am pretty certain is gaslighting infidelity cloaked as "it's just how the world of dating is now"... a bunch of greedy little boys with their hand stuck in the cookie jar that is OLD. Is it really worth the effort?

SamW98 · 06/11/2023 14:24

WeeDove · 06/11/2023 10:09

I'm not very good at spotting the red flags because ime men say and do all the right things before you've slept with them and then their feelings for you vanish instantly. It was real for you but not for them. I've only had this experience online but ive had it about 3 times, and obviously, you thought you had weeded out the players and users .... In real life, men are easier to read, less purposefully deceitful, less likely to set out to use you while they shop around.
Obviously meeting a man in real life still has same risks but for me, it is clear, no man I've met in real life has treated me even half as disrespectfully as the "men" I met online.

I actually ask then what they’re looking for before I even think about meeting them.

Personally it takes me a while to have enough of a connection to want to sleep with someone so anyone after a quick shag would have been long gone rather than wait.

I’ve found that the players give themselves away. Once they start sex talk within few days then that’s a sign of what they want and how they see the woman.

I do filter heavily and have only actually met with a handful of men. Everyone else the red flags showed up on texts and phone calls.

capabilityfrowns · 06/11/2023 22:14

If it cheers anyone up

Just had a message from a guy on Ourtime , overweight , hairy, top off

I asked why he had his top off
He said it's warm in here

I said best open a window then

He says "lol I love your pics "

I said well feeling isn't mutual , no one wants to see a middle aged shorty man with his top off staring down a cell phone at them and blocked his arse

Jesus , does every middle aged hairy overweight old man think they're so desirable they only have to pose with 3 chins and a flabby pale hairy torso to get a woman ?

God let this hell die out soon , I reckon I've a week left on there

capabilityfrowns · 06/11/2023 22:15

Not shorty - hairy even

SamW98 · 06/11/2023 22:33

My Ourtime subscription ran out last week. It was actually a relief - £40 wasted. Honestly it was by far the grimmest dejection of men I’ve ever seen and I’ve never blocked as many creeps before.

I think my absolute low was a bloke who was as a dead ringer for fat b*stard from Austin powers asking if I was up for a regular FWB arrangement. Really not enough No’s in the world

Im just bored with it all now. The pickings are so slim they’re non existent when you’re 50+

capabilityfrowns · 06/11/2023 22:50

I agree sam .

Lookers at our age are players .

The rest seem to think offering their flabby , hairy, old torsos is enough to have any woman swooning over them .

Jesus Christ . They're delusional. I'm 51 and take care of my self, nails and hair done , make up , dress well , not overweight but not obsessively diet or exercise driven .

Ourtime has been a new low . One I won't repeat.

SamW98 · 06/11/2023 23:16

Yep. I’m 54 well turned out, hair, nails etc always done, well dressed, articulate, funny, take pride in myself, own house, decent job, lots of friends, great social life - I’d rather stay single forever than date the majority of the men I’ve seen OLD.

And the one man I actually had a few dates with and we clicked dropped a deal breaker on me after a few weeks.

I do get a lot of matches but 99.9% of the half decent looking ones are only after a FWB or a hook up. And I’m not someone’s back up plan while they keep looking.

Original poster

Ellena646 · 07/11/2023 06:33

capabilityfrowns · 06/11/2023 22:50

I agree sam .

Lookers at our age are players .

The rest seem to think offering their flabby , hairy, old torsos is enough to have any woman swooning over them .

Jesus Christ . They're delusional. I'm 51 and take care of my self, nails and hair done , make up , dress well , not overweight but not obsessively diet or exercise driven .

Ourtime has been a new low . One I won't repeat.

I agree Our Time has been my worst experience I think I lasted two days; I actually felt quite traumatised by the men on there; it's the new Plenty of Fish which was also full of low value predatory men. At least on Bumble you chose who talks to you, and on Hinge you have to like to match, which is why these men don't show up on there in such big numbers. Also, I am super wary of any man who leads with "not a member so can't message", if they can't spend £20 a month on a membership imagine what dating them will look like... low effort at the outset is never going to get any better...

OP posts:

Original poster

Ellena646 · 07/11/2023 06:34

SamW98 · 06/11/2023 22:33

My Ourtime subscription ran out last week. It was actually a relief - £40 wasted. Honestly it was by far the grimmest dejection of men I’ve ever seen and I’ve never blocked as many creeps before.

I think my absolute low was a bloke who was as a dead ringer for fat b*stard from Austin powers asking if I was up for a regular FWB arrangement. Really not enough No’s in the world

Im just bored with it all now. The pickings are so slim they’re non existent when you’re 50+

I do think that they are just trying to get a reaction; that if you said you were up for it but they'd better be worth it, he'd run and hide under his Mum's bed!

OP posts:

Muddle2000 · 07/11/2023 07:11

Most people over 50 will have baggage You need to suss that asap

Livelifelaughter · 07/11/2023 10:56

capabilityfrowns · 06/11/2023 22:50

I agree sam .

Lookers at our age are players .

The rest seem to think offering their flabby , hairy, old torsos is enough to have any woman swooning over them .

Jesus Christ . They're delusional. I'm 51 and take care of my self, nails and hair done , make up , dress well , not overweight but not obsessively diet or exercise driven .

Ourtime has been a new low . One I won't repeat.

I would absolutely love to disagree with you but I can't. I have dated a few attractive successful men in their 50s and never felt secure with them, always seemed to have a lot of female friends rather than couple friends, seemed to have left long marriages and then had spates of short relationships...met one in the Summer who said his last relationship lasted 5 years and they lived together but it ended because he bought his own flat 200 miles away and he couldn't understand why that was an issue....

Crikeyalmighty · 07/11/2023 12:14

@Livelifelaughter as I said below I think it's because for older successful men it's bit of a sweetie shop- far more well kept and intelligent women of that age group than there are single men in that age range. A lot of them just want the fun of multiple dates and women on the go than a repeat of live in relationships - who can blame them really!

Livelifelaughter · 07/11/2023 12:18

Crikeyalmighty · 07/11/2023 12:14

@Livelifelaughter as I said below I think it's because for older successful men it's bit of a sweetie shop- far more well kept and intelligent women of that age group than there are single men in that age range. A lot of them just want the fun of multiple dates and women on the go than a repeat of live in relationships - who can blame them really!

I know! I really wish I had tape recorded some of them. One said he liked Bumble because the women queue up for you, he added that had he had known what great sex you could have in your mid 50s and so many women he would have ended his marriage sooner... nice.

SamW98 · 07/11/2023 12:48

Crikeyalmighty · 07/11/2023 12:14

@Livelifelaughter as I said below I think it's because for older successful men it's bit of a sweetie shop- far more well kept and intelligent women of that age group than there are single men in that age range. A lot of them just want the fun of multiple dates and women on the go than a repeat of live in relationships - who can blame them really!

Totally agree. I get a lot of messages from decent looking men but I’d say 99.9% are looking for a FWB’ ‘fun’ or ‘something casual’. When I say that’s not what I’m looking for I usually get ‘that’s a shame we’d have great sex’ or ‘why not give it a try’

Thing is, if I met someone and the attraction was there I would be comfortable with a fairly casual relationship and I don’t want to live with a man again but I want more than just meeting up for a shag. That seems transactional to me.
I want dates, meeting for drinks, dinner, holidays etc

Crikeyalmighty · 07/11/2023 15:01

@SamW98 I don't think that's out the ball park to be honest-I just think you have to be really upfront and ditch anyone instantly who just wants the 'with benefits' and wants them immediately and not the 'friends' bit.

Livelifelaughter · 07/11/2023 15:09

SamW98 · 07/11/2023 12:48

Totally agree. I get a lot of messages from decent looking men but I’d say 99.9% are looking for a FWB’ ‘fun’ or ‘something casual’. When I say that’s not what I’m looking for I usually get ‘that’s a shame we’d have great sex’ or ‘why not give it a try’

Thing is, if I met someone and the attraction was there I would be comfortable with a fairly casual relationship and I don’t want to live with a man again but I want more than just meeting up for a shag. That seems transactional to me.
I want dates, meeting for drinks, dinner, holidays etc

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I get that but there's a point when the dinners and dates and weekends away aren't quite enough, I don't mean moving in together but not knowing each other's family or not feeling as though you are actually enough or a priority, it's an emotional commitment.

nutellasmores · 07/11/2023 15:17

@Livelifelaughter Why are so many men like that though, my SIL saw a man who would only give her one day / night a week of his time, she dated him for almost 2 years and we never met him once. It seems pretty pointless.

SamW98 · 07/11/2023 16:21

nutellasmores · 07/11/2023 15:17

@Livelifelaughter Why are so many men like that though, my SIL saw a man who would only give her one day / night a week of his time, she dated him for almost 2 years and we never met him once. It seems pretty pointless.

Something like that would work for me tbh. Maybe not just the one night a week but weekends only and having our own space all week sounds ideal.

As for meeting family, eventually but it’s not a priority. My family is tiny anyway so other than my son who wouldn’t be that bothered anyway, there’s only my parents really and neither in great health so not sure they’d be that involved either.

SamW98 · 07/11/2023 16:25

Livelifelaughter · 07/11/2023 15:09

I get that but there's a point when the dinners and dates and weekends away aren't quite enough, I don't mean moving in together but not knowing each other's family or not feeling as though you are actually enough or a priority, it's an emotional commitment.

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It depends on the individual and that level of dating would work for me.
The older we get, the less I would see being involved with families as a priority tbh.

Meet them yes but that’s as far as it goes really.

Livelifelaughter · 07/11/2023 16:31

@SamW98 sorry, I didn't mean meeting them was a priority but just the feeling that I am a priority not just someone slotted into their lives because they are bored on a Sunday afternoon...

nutellasmores · 07/11/2023 16:49

SamW98 · 07/11/2023 16:21

Something like that would work for me tbh. Maybe not just the one night a week but weekends only and having our own space all week sounds ideal.

As for meeting family, eventually but it’s not a priority. My family is tiny anyway so other than my son who wouldn’t be that bothered anyway, there’s only my parents really and neither in great health so not sure they’d be that involved either.

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I guess if it suits both people then that is fine but she was kept strung along with him always promising more and never actually giving her more.

minieggsandmaltesers · 07/11/2023 16:54

Louise Redknapp (48) has the right idea. Her new man is 40.
Unfortunately I'm not as hot as Louise 🙁

BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/11/2023 18:03

My man is 7 years younger. Maybe that is the answer 😂

beastlyslumber · 07/11/2023 19:59

Thing is, if I met someone and the attraction was there I would be comfortable with a fairly casual relationship and I don’t want to live with a man again but I want more than just meeting up for a shag. That seems transactional to me.
I want dates, meeting for drinks, dinner, holidays etc

Those are the kinds of relationships I have (FWB) and they work well for me. I realise I've said this a number of times on the thread and pp keep responding to me as though I'm saying my relationships are purely sexual. But no, they are friendships. Where we also have sex.

IAmtheVampiresWife · 07/11/2023 20:26

All my men have always been younger than me 😂

SamW98 · 07/11/2023 20:29

beastlyslumber · 07/11/2023 19:59

Thing is, if I met someone and the attraction was there I would be comfortable with a fairly casual relationship and I don’t want to live with a man again but I want more than just meeting up for a shag. That seems transactional to me.
I want dates, meeting for drinks, dinner, holidays etc

Those are the kinds of relationships I have (FWB) and they work well for me. I realise I've said this a number of times on the thread and pp keep responding to me as though I'm saying my relationships are purely sexual. But no, they are friendships. Where we also have sex.

So how is that not dating then?

The men I’ve spoken to who are looking for a FWB want sex pretty much from day 1 which I couldn’t do. As I’ve said I need time to get to know someone before I can even think about anything sexual. I need to have the dating bit first