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Original poster

Dating in your fifties... why bother?

456 replies

Ellena646 · 04/08/2023 10:20

If I am brutally honest my experience of dating in my fifties has been: negging, below average sex, lazy WhatsApping (I mean who can't pick up the phone and say good morning) and what I am pretty certain is gaslighting infidelity cloaked as "it's just how the world of dating is now"... a bunch of greedy little boys with their hand stuck in the cookie jar that is OLD. Is it really worth the effort?

OP posts:
Livelifelaughter · 02/11/2023 17:39

SamW98 I agree. My experience is they want a woman who is sexy, smart etc as long as she doesn't question or make any of her own demands. My ex said to me I started behaving like a wife when I asked him if he could discuss his plans with me...I am talking about holiday plans.

Livelifelaughter · 02/11/2023 17:41

A line I have heard more than I care for in the 50 year old age group from men is that they have ex years left and want to enjoy it, one man said he didn't want to meet mumsy types... basically it's a last horah for them.

SingleMum11 · 02/11/2023 19:36

@SamW98 oh my that encounter with a man on the phone… bleurgh! Yuk.
I do treasure female friendships also, although I’ve found it’s the single women (and there are so many of us!) that stick with me. One or two lovely married women and their partners, but I always think it’s a little uncomfortable for them eg going out for dinner - them two, plus… er just me!

@Crikeyalmighty Sweetie box is right for a lot of men! A relation of mine, lovely guy actually, divorced at age 60, very good job but finances ravaged by divorce (he was really a lovely guy and fair to his Ex) - he went absolutely crazy on OLD - dated 70 women in under a year! I don’t know how he found the time. He ended up with a lovely woman who had only dated 3.

@JamTomorrowToo It’s really hard isn’t it, I don’t think you realise how vulnerable you are as a woman older. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m single because my Ex cheated and has continued to be a pain. I am probably more needing of a man to make up for that, but that’s not fair I have to get strong myself which is hard when you’ve been through a tough time.

Crikeyalmighty · 02/11/2023 20:39

@SamW98 I know for a fact if my H was single he would want them sexy, smart and intelligent- can talk about politics, humour, business etc- ( he fits all this too) he would however also want them doing 98% of the domestic load. In fact if they didn't they would live in chaos and he wouldn't want them disagreeing with him much either- although initially he might cool it a bit. That's the problem, on paper smart sexy women would probably like him, in reality he would piss a lot of them off

Original poster
Ellena646 · 03/11/2023 08:59

Livelifelaughter · 02/11/2023 17:41

A line I have heard more than I care for in the 50 year old age group from men is that they have ex years left and want to enjoy it, one man said he didn't want to meet mumsy types... basically it's a last horah for them.

I don't want to meet "dad" types either having been there and done that, I also want fun, it just irritates me that men think all women want to nail them down to domesticity, often that is not the case at all... it's arrogant....

OP posts:
SamW98 · 03/11/2023 09:44

Ellena646 · 03/11/2023 08:59

I don't want to meet "dad" types either having been there and done that, I also want fun, it just irritates me that men think all women want to nail them down to domesticity, often that is not the case at all... it's arrogant....

Show quote history

Yep. I’m 54 but I’m not interested in pipe and slippers types.
I grew up as a raver and I still love to go to festivals and dance music weekends so certainly not looking to settle into old age just yet.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 03/11/2023 09:49

I forgot… there was some gem who I think messaged before covid and during covid extolling his virtues, he was wealthy, had a property portfolio so obviously considered himself a real catch. He actually said words to that effect and wondered why I wasn’t interested? I’m sure he actually expressed surprise I wasn’t interested.

SamW98 · 03/11/2023 09:54

Dear God I’ve had a message today from a bloke who looks like someone who lives in his mums basement and who anyone sane would cross the street to avoid saying ‘I know you say you don’t do hook ups but once you’ve had me you’ll be begging for more so don’t miss out on the orgasm of your life’

Believe me mate I think I’d rather use Ann summers finest than entertain you thanks very much

ManAboutTown · 03/11/2023 10:18

SamW98 · 03/11/2023 09:54

Dear God I’ve had a message today from a bloke who looks like someone who lives in his mums basement and who anyone sane would cross the street to avoid saying ‘I know you say you don’t do hook ups but once you’ve had me you’ll be begging for more so don’t miss out on the orgasm of your life’

Believe me mate I think I’d rather use Ann summers finest than entertain you thanks very much

So when are you going out for a drink with him LOL

One of the things I've learnt on here is how many weird and just plain offensive blokes there are.

Suppose it makes me feel better about myself but it's a low base.

Crikeyalmighty · 03/11/2023 10:27

@Ellena646 strangely I do think many want to meet mumsy types but preferably be about 35- look like a model ANDcdo all the housework

SamW98 · 03/11/2023 10:33

ManAboutTown · 03/11/2023 10:18

So when are you going out for a drink with him LOL

One of the things I've learnt on here is how many weird and just plain offensive blokes there are.

Suppose it makes me feel better about myself but it's a low base.

Show quote history

Honestly it’s horrendous. I had no idea there were so many appalling men out there.

Ive pretty much given up expecting to meet anyone now tbh. It’s far too much effort for zero return

SamW98 · 03/11/2023 10:36

Crikeyalmighty · 03/11/2023 10:27

@Ellena646 strangely I do think many want to meet mumsy types but preferably be about 35- look like a model ANDcdo all the housework

Plus they want porn star sex in between the hoovering and dinner on the table.

Yet most of these delightful specimen’s have absolutely nothing to offer other than an overinflated ego and a magic mirror where they convince themselves they’re on par with Brad Pitt in his prime.

Original poster
Ellena646 · 03/11/2023 11:18

SamW98 · 03/11/2023 09:54

Dear God I’ve had a message today from a bloke who looks like someone who lives in his mums basement and who anyone sane would cross the street to avoid saying ‘I know you say you don’t do hook ups but once you’ve had me you’ll be begging for more so don’t miss out on the orgasm of your life’

Believe me mate I think I’d rather use Ann summers finest than entertain you thanks very much

I have a theory about these dudes which is they are all bluff... if you messaged back, "bring it on big boy but it had better be worth it," he's go and hide under his mum's bed!

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 03/11/2023 11:25

@SamW98 Yep!!

SamW98 · 03/11/2023 11:32

@Ellena646

I agree. It’s all about trying to shock and get a reaction. They know they’re not what they claim so they enjoy the violation. In their porn afford brains they’re convinced we’re all gagging for it - pathetic really.

Original poster
Ellena646 · 03/11/2023 11:42

SamW98 · 03/11/2023 11:32

@Ellena646

I agree. It’s all about trying to shock and get a reaction. They know they’re not what they claim so they enjoy the violation. In their porn afford brains they’re convinced we’re all gagging for it - pathetic really.

"porn brains" is a thing for sure... I've noticed that the men who I met on apps (maybe that's not exclusive to apps, possibly its happening IRL too) talk like you're on a porn set, it's all suck this, and do that, and they want you to behave like you're on a live cam... maybe they are just porn sick and have forgotten how to get it on without a script? I find it a real turn off because they are all kind of sounding the same, it's so performative....

OP posts:
WeeDove · 03/11/2023 12:29

Crikeyalmighty · 02/11/2023 20:39

@SamW98 I know for a fact if my H was single he would want them sexy, smart and intelligent- can talk about politics, humour, business etc- ( he fits all this too) he would however also want them doing 98% of the domestic load. In fact if they didn't they would live in chaos and he wouldn't want them disagreeing with him much either- although initially he might cool it a bit. That's the problem, on paper smart sexy women would probably like him, in reality he would piss a lot of them off

That sounds like my x, if you stumbled across his profile you might think, sane, solvent, attractive, well-informed, smart car,period house on a leafy lane, but the level of entitlement he operates under....
You would need counselling after him.

Crikeyalmighty · 03/11/2023 12:58

@WeeDove Yep- and these factors aren't obvious immediately- they are smart enough guys to 'get their feet under the table' before the less attractive traits are obvious. They won't come across as a cocklodger or mean etc like so many on here, so initially all will be good.

daisydaily · 04/11/2023 20:36

I can relate to pretty much every post on here. 53 and been single for 10+ years. I've dated so so so many men in that time. Some nice, just not for me, but some absolutely awful ones who really should have warnings attached to them on their profiles. I'm genuinely worried that the last one has put me off/scared me enough that I'll never date again 😔

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 04/11/2023 20:40

daisydaily · 04/11/2023 20:36

I can relate to pretty much every post on here. 53 and been single for 10+ years. I've dated so so so many men in that time. Some nice, just not for me, but some absolutely awful ones who really should have warnings attached to them on their profiles. I'm genuinely worried that the last one has put me off/scared me enough that I'll never date again 😔

You shouldn’t give up. OLD you do have to have a thick skin and there are lots of men who say thinks online/via text that they wouldn’t dare to say to you in public.

My current boyfriend from OLD he was wanting to meet someone for ages and his friends said he was great etc. Yes, he may ultimately turn out to be a waste of space but he wants the same that a few men also want. I did go into it with him with little/no expectations though and was pleasantly surprised.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/11/2023 13:15

GonnaGetGoingReturns

thanks for this
i agree that there is a % chance that you could meet someone decent online
and that filtering needs to be honed and ruthless !!!

I’ve been struggling a bit with the what feels like relentless negativity on the topic , and across both genders to be fair
but I could also not read them !!!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 05/11/2023 13:32

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/11/2023 13:15

GonnaGetGoingReturns

thanks for this
i agree that there is a % chance that you could meet someone decent online
and that filtering needs to be honed and ruthless !!!

I’ve been struggling a bit with the what feels like relentless negativity on the topic , and across both genders to be fair
but I could also not read them !!!

@Thisisworsethananticpated if you read all the negativity around OLD then of course you’ll naturally be wary if you meet people.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve chatted to idiots, time wasters, met some in real life (eg not OLD).

I do think you need as I’ve said before a thick skin when OLD and when meeting current boyfriend I had no expectations. But if you look out for red flags early on that weeds out idiots.

WeeDove · 06/11/2023 10:09

I'm not very good at spotting the red flags because ime men say and do all the right things before you've slept with them and then their feelings for you vanish instantly. It was real for you but not for them. I've only had this experience online but ive had it about 3 times, and obviously, you thought you had weeded out the players and users .... In real life, men are easier to read, less purposefully deceitful, less likely to set out to use you while they shop around.
Obviously meeting a man in real life still has same risks but for me, it is clear, no man I've met in real life has treated me even half as disrespectfully as the "men" I met online.

Watchkeys · 06/11/2023 10:19

@WeeDove

But surely you have to meet the men in order to make the mistake of sleeping with them? Isn't that the time to start doing your detailed analysis, rather than jumping into bed with someone who came across well online?

Shimla999 · 06/11/2023 13:34

WeeDove · 06/11/2023 10:09

I'm not very good at spotting the red flags because ime men say and do all the right things before you've slept with them and then their feelings for you vanish instantly. It was real for you but not for them. I've only had this experience online but ive had it about 3 times, and obviously, you thought you had weeded out the players and users .... In real life, men are easier to read, less purposefully deceitful, less likely to set out to use you while they shop around.
Obviously meeting a man in real life still has same risks but for me, it is clear, no man I've met in real life has treated me even half as disrespectfully as the "men" I met online.

I must admit my experience is totally different. Some of my worst experiences have been with men I met in real life (not online). And I knew them for a long time (months) before sleeping with them. So, I don't think there is any hard and fast rule. It depends on so many things. You can never be sure. Sometimes there are no obvious red flags for a long time. Also you never really know a person 100%, do you? I mean I trusted my DD's dad 100% - I was with him for over 14 years. And then he cheated and did things I would never have thought he would be capable of in a million years! I am probably totally cynical now and definitely have trust issues (i.e. I find it very hard to trust anyone), but I certainly don't think men you meet in real life are less deceitful than those you meet online.