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Original poster

Ghosted in the worst possible way

209 replies

brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 18:31

I've name changed as I've posted quite a lot over the years.

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with being ghosted basically. This has been done to me in the worst possible way.

Together 5 years with 3 children. He is from a different country im from uk. He told me he was going on holiday to visit family due to stress and having no family or friends in this country.

He left without telling me, blocked me on every social media I presume has a new phone number and deleted his email address. I feel absolutely ill

How do I come to terms with this
I'm heart broken

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 22/07/2023 18:37

What a terrible and brutal action with the confirmation that he cut you off on your SM.

Did you have an argument ? Was that the cause of the stress ? I presume the children are his, I would suggest you say nothing to them while you try to find out what's going on.

Can you contact him via his family?

Gymmum82 · 22/07/2023 18:39

I would contact his family and see if they can get him to contact you. At the very least he needs to pay for his children. Did he have a job here? Can you contact them to see if he put in his notice?

Hibiscrubbed · 22/07/2023 18:41

How utterly cruel. How can someone cut their children off like that? Do you know where his family live?

winterchills · 22/07/2023 18:43

Thats awful!!

wishthiswasreallife · 22/07/2023 18:45

This is absolutely heart breaking, you have kids! Oh god I'm so so sorry x

renamedbutsame · 22/07/2023 18:45

oh my goodness. at least you are in no doubt you have to start fresh

MrsFarmerTom · 22/07/2023 18:46

Why does he have no friends in this country if he's been here >5 years?
I hate to say it, OP, but I had an ex do similar (thankfully after only 18 months together and no kids) and I discovered later it was because his family had arranged him a marriage in his home country! One of his friends here in the UK had the decency to tell me once the wedding was over. But the hurt and confusion is unreal. I'm so sorry you and your children are going through this.

Bixs · 22/07/2023 18:47

That is just awful. Do you think he is unwell or having a break down, not that that excuses his behaviour?

StopStartStop · 22/07/2023 18:51

He's made his decision. You and his children don't matter to him at all.

You need to block him from your mind, from your phone, from everywhere. Certainly don't contact his family!
Do you have friends of family who can offer you emotional support?
If there is a way to get child support from him (other than going begging to his family) then do it. An official way.
Personally I'd want to make myself uncontactable. New phone number etc, just as he has done to you. Because when he thinks you can do something for him, he'll come creeping round again.

You'll be feeling devastated, but get angry too. What he's done to you is outrageous.

meditated · 22/07/2023 18:51

When you say you presume he has a new number - Is the phone switched off? Or he's not answering?

Have you spoken to his work. Has he told them he is not coming back?

I would try and find out as much as I can but also would start rebuilding my life and never let him back in.
It must feel horrendous but better this than being trapped with kids in an abusive relationship. You can do this!

ApolloandDaphne · 22/07/2023 18:53

Wow that is awful. What country is he from? Has he any family that you can make contact with?

Sunsetandsunrise · 22/07/2023 18:57

That’s horrendous and so frightening. It must feel like you’ve been living with a stranger. And your poor kids.

Were you married? Do you know any of his family at all back home or did he never introduce you ?

Pinkbonbon · 22/07/2023 18:58

Wow that's insane.

Are you sure he's gone back to that country?
Is it possible he just said that so he could shack up with another woman nearby and you'd be none the wiser?

I'd be thinking that. (Especially if he didn't have any job prospects back in his origin country?)

Eachpeachpears · 22/07/2023 19:08

I think this qualifies as more than Ghosting. That's awful. Like pp said, I think I'd try and go through the family but nothing is going to help what your partner has done to you and your children.
I'm so sorry OP xx

YoSof · 22/07/2023 19:11

I am so sorry you’re going through this. What a fucking coward.

Its going to hurt, for a long time, but you will come out the other side. What support do you have in real life?

This is probably they most cruel thing I’ve ever read on here, nobody deserves this.

blacknredsweeties · 22/07/2023 19:13

What the hell?

I'm not sure how child maintenance works but can you claim that if you can't find him?

So sorry.

Marchmount · 22/07/2023 19:14

What a cowardly thing to do. I think you should assume that he’s not coming back and you’re on your own now.

Start thinking practically. Do you have access to money? Can you afford to cover the bills without him? Is he paying any of your bills from his account? Have you got support - friends and family? Make a plan to build a life for you and the children without him. Be angry but you also need to make sure you can keep life going for your children who must be very confused.

MrsPerfect12 · 22/07/2023 19:19

I'm so sorry, are the children coping?
I can't advise but wanted to offer a handhold 💐

Harrumphy · 22/07/2023 19:20

Have you even met his family/friends? Are you married?

Does he have any of them on social media you can contact to ask what he thinks he’s doing abandoning his kids and how is he proposing to support them?

Do you know for sure he’s not coming back?

I’d be changing the locks so he couldn’t just turn up again.

Is the property owned or rented? Is it in your name?

Does he have permanent residence or citizenship here?

Hate to say it but one of DH’s work friends, who came from abroad, married (probably for a visa) and had a DC with a woman from here. His parents put pressure on him to get married (had no idea he was already or that they had a grandchild!) and arranged a marriage with a woman from his country while he was over there.

I think it took about a year to get his new wife a visa so he could bring her here and in that time he divorced and ghosted his UK wife and child. Well actually she wanted nothing to do with him after finding out. His parents and new wife still don’t know about his first marriage and child. He’s had subsequent children with new wife who don’t know they have an older sibling.

He did it as he knew his parents would not accept that he’d married and had a child out of their culture.

Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 19:28

We had been bickering quite a lot lately, work stress stressing about the kids, I had a lot of resentment because I felt he didn't help me enough. The children are his.

His family have all blocked me too

OP posts:
Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 19:29

Sorry just catching up, he had a job here. I received the letter from his resignation, he hadn't realised that it would come via post as he's done it via email without telling me.
He still maintained that he was going on holiday and coming back his job would be waiting for him.

OP posts:
N0ëlle · 22/07/2023 19:32

Wow, this is several levels worse than ghosting. You have children and he's left you holding the Fort with nothing more than "I don't know" to tell them 😵

daisychain01 · 22/07/2023 19:33

Can you contact his employer and find out what they know? If he claims to be coming back to a job you'd be able to get maintenance for the children, although he could have been lying through his teeth.

Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 19:34

We weren't married just engaged. He's definitely back with his family. He video called for 7 minutes from his sisters phone a week ago but won't give me any of his contact details. I'm now blocked by his family. He hasn't paid anything for the kids.

He was kissing me and intimate two days before leaving. I'm so broken I'm spending the days trying not to cry.

Kids are very young so haven't noticed too much apart from eldest keeps saying daddy

OP posts:
Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 19:35

He's from Belgium

OP posts: