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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ghosted in the worst possible way

209 replies

brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 18:31

I've name changed as I've posted quite a lot over the years.

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with being ghosted basically. This has been done to me in the worst possible way.

Together 5 years with 3 children. He is from a different country im from uk. He told me he was going on holiday to visit family due to stress and having no family or friends in this country.

He left without telling me, blocked me on every social media I presume has a new phone number and deleted his email address. I feel absolutely ill

How do I come to terms with this
I'm heart broken

OP posts:
Starlin · 22/07/2023 22:03

Akiddleetivy2woodenchu · 22/07/2023 21:43

Is he Flemish? Some of the Flems, particularly the Vlaams Belang voters can be quite anti-foreigner.

Sint Niklaas has a small pocket of that. I was once given a Vlaams Belang leaflet outside their shopping centre and answered back in English: I don't think you want me to have this.

EffortlessDesmond · 22/07/2023 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Theydontknowanything · 22/07/2023 22:14

EffortlessDesmond · 22/07/2023 21:51

@brokenbitbybit I said that irresponsible, shit parents, of any and every race and religious persuasion, needed sanctions. It was deemed anti-Islamist and was disappeared faster than I would have believed possible.

It would be useful if MN could set out some sensible rules here. You may/may not comment on race/religion/gender preference or whether dogs are better than cats. But I commented (I think quite politely and moderately) a dissenting and controversial opinion which was removed in under 30 seconds.

No you didn't. I reported you. I didn't actually report that first comment as hate speech; I merely said you were being nasty. I've since reported your other comments as racist though.

MaggieBroonofGlebeSt · 22/07/2023 22:16

brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 21:51

@Wallywobbles I think they speak Dutch

I'm sorry but do you not know? What language did he speak to family members?

Anyway sint niklaas is not big at all. I hope you can get him tracked down and he accepts his responsibilities.

Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 22:19

@MaggieBroonofGlebeSt he spoke Spanish to his family.
So I'm not 100% sure what the most common language of sint niklaas is.

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 22/07/2023 22:20

I am so sorry this has happened to you. He is one selfish, cruel coward and I really hope you can get to the bottom of it and have plenty of support around you for the weeks ahead. What he has done is despicable, and you have got this! ❤.

MaggieBroonofGlebeSt · 22/07/2023 22:23

brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 22:19

@MaggieBroonofGlebeSt he spoke Spanish to his family.
So I'm not 100% sure what the most common language of sint niklaas is.

It's Flemish. It's a Flemish town.
DH is Belgian and I've got friends who live there.

Wallywobbles · 22/07/2023 22:23

See what information @Starlin finds for you. And then let me know if you need my friends help and I'll ask her if she can help.

whatausername · 22/07/2023 22:23

@brokenbitbybit I wonder if, given his true colours, if it's worth running a credit check to make sure he's not got debt that you or your address are linked with.

mommatoone · 22/07/2023 22:25

Im so sorry to hear the situation you have found yourself in OP.
Regarding REMO - might just be my experience, but im 3 years in and still none the wiser, despite providing them with evidence of his whereabouts. I hope you get more of a positive outcome. Good luck.

MixedCouple · 22/07/2023 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sunsetandsunrise · 22/07/2023 22:25

Theydontknowanything · 22/07/2023 22:14

No you didn't. I reported you. I didn't actually report that first comment as hate speech; I merely said you were being nasty. I've since reported your other comments as racist though.

Show quote history

Thankfully I didn’t even see it before it was deleted but I can imagine what it said.

goldorchids · 22/07/2023 22:28

@MixedCouple I think she said he's Catholic....

Sittingonasale · 22/07/2023 22:35

MaxwellCat · 22/07/2023 20:05

How odd that all his family have blocked you? That doesn't add up so I'm guessing he's told them something about you (true or not) but there's obviously more going on

Yes, this is odd. My ex h's family are Nigerian and are all still in contact with me. He won't talk to them though! I don't say anything bad about him to them but the choose to keep in contact with me and the children.

Sittingonasale · 22/07/2023 22:41

Sunsetandsunrise · 22/07/2023 21:45

Seems to be a few people on this thread who can’t quite accept this man is Belgium. They seem perplexed/ disappointed he’s not from wherever they expected him to be 👀

Yup!

Takeabreather23 · 22/07/2023 22:42

@Pinkbonbon this is exactly what I was thinking . Because if she could ring him she could here it was still a u.k ring tone
also if OP thinks he’s away she won’t claim child support .

Op …. Id put a child support claim
in today! They will see if he’s getting an income . Then you will know if he’s still in the uk
Also while your waiting report him
to the police as missing say his passport is gone But you don’t know for sure where he is or if he has used it .
They can check and at least report back at least you may get closure that way .

Evianmountains · 22/07/2023 22:57

Are you able to afford the children and house on your own?

CatcherofDreamz · 22/07/2023 23:01

Another male who has walked away from their responsibilities, without a glance back or a parting word to you or your children

I am sorry

Stay strong ❤

BitOutOfPractice · 22/07/2023 23:07

Good god op this is appalling to read. I hope some people here can help you

DisquietintheRanks · 22/07/2023 23:09

AcrossthePond55 · 22/07/2023 21:07

Good!

However, it may be a good idea to flag the passports with the issuing agency if you think there is the slightest chance he'll report them as lost or destroyed and request new ones. I think there's some sort of 'flight risk' flag you can put on the records.

Do the children have Belgian citizenship, too? One thing to remember is that birth records are public records and although you have your copies locked up, he can obtain his own certified copies from the registrar's office (or whatever entity maintains those records).

What a fucking mess! Once again, the man skips off merrily leaving the woman with the pieces to pick up and the future to secure.

Show quote history

If he were to abduct his children, (which seems fucking unlikely as he's just a abandoned them) and took them to Belgium then they'd be returned to the OP under Belgium law.

Things are quite bad enough for the OP without you inventing more things for her to worry about.

StellaJohanna · 22/07/2023 23:15

How absolutely terrible! Could he have fled the country because he got into trouble and blocked you in order to try to hide from whatever it was? He doesn't sound that close to his family if rarely bothered to see them - you can get there very cheaply, so he obviously didn't want to go. He didn't have a single friend in this country after years here? I also don't know any Belgian men who would behave like that or are "Mummy's boys" as you called him. There's more to it, and don't worry, he'll be very easy to find. You know his name, dob and some family info. That's enough.

AcrossthePond55 · 22/07/2023 23:21

DisquietintheRanks · 22/07/2023 23:09

If he were to abduct his children, (which seems fucking unlikely as he's just a abandoned them) and took them to Belgium then they'd be returned to the OP under Belgium law.

Things are quite bad enough for the OP without you inventing more things for her to worry about.

Show quote history

I'm not inventing anything. It's not as simple as someone 'official' going to pick up the kids and taking them away, back to the UK. Unless he voluntarily released them, under the Hague Convention OP would have to petition the courts and there would be formalities and court proceedings first.

Much better for OP to take preemptive action by getting the passports flagged so he can't take them in the first place.

oakleaffy · 22/07/2023 23:26

brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 21:01

He is a mamas boy 100%
I could guarantee the majority of our buckets were being relayed to her. His version obviously.

He has another sister who lives in another country. I remember when she contacted him he screenshotted it and sent it to his mother. She said block her and he did it immediately, no questions asked. Didn't even respond to the sister sending photos of her baby. Should have been a massive warning sign for me.

What a weakling.
Mummy's boy just like I thought.
What a horrible family he has, what a nasty, cruel mother not to want to see her own grandchild.

They sound toxic and enmeshed.

Is there not father around, or is your partner the only ''Man'' in that family?
Definitely protect your children from being taken overseas by him.

Hide their passports somewhere out of the house if you can, or-change the locks.

WeAreTheHeroes · 22/07/2023 23:30

brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 21:47

Thank you @Wallywobbles he's in sint niklaas

I have colleagues there - it is a Dutch speaking part of Belgium.

Pancakeorcrepe · 22/07/2023 23:34

Oh OP, what an appalling situation. He is a total coward!
Do not worry, he will be very easy to track down by the authorities. It does seem strange that he is very close to his family but hasn’t seen them for five years. I think more things will be revealed.
Wishing you and your children the best of luck. Stay strong! Things will get better.

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