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Original poster

Ghosted in the worst possible way

209 replies

brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 18:31

I've name changed as I've posted quite a lot over the years.

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with being ghosted basically. This has been done to me in the worst possible way.

Together 5 years with 3 children. He is from a different country im from uk. He told me he was going on holiday to visit family due to stress and having no family or friends in this country.

He left without telling me, blocked me on every social media I presume has a new phone number and deleted his email address. I feel absolutely ill

How do I come to terms with this
I'm heart broken

OP posts:
Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 19:37

His phone line is just dead doesn't even give me a dial tone 😞 I'm so pathetic I keep jumping every time my phone goes hoping it's him. He knows what state I'd be in trying to contact him yet he does this to me.

He had made new social media accounts two days after he left, I found them, tried to message them and he blocked me on them all.

OP posts:
N0ëlle · 22/07/2023 19:41

Do you have a joint bank a/c?
Can you get any clues from following the money.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/07/2023 19:47

I’m so so sorry
what a wicked thing to do

to you and the kids

I have no words of comfort as this is so early and raw

I’d love to say he can’t do this legally
but cross border divorce and alimony is tricky

hes going to really regret this one day

im sorry as you have to be so strong now
how will you be financially ?

do you think he’s spin a story to his family ?

Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 19:47

@N0ëlle always had separate bank accounts. I feel like such an idiot. I don't know what to do 😞

Bills all come out of my account and he used to just transfer me his share and more.

OP posts:
Harrumphy · 22/07/2023 19:48

So sorry OP. Assume his family know he was with you and had DC then as you had them on SM and they’ve blocked you too.

How long has he been gone?

Does he come from a country with a different culture to the UK and his family may have pressured him to stay within his culture?

Looks like you have to accept you’re now a single parent and get the financial support you’re entitled to. Do you have joint bank accounts? Have you emptied them?

What have you told your DC? I can’t imagine what I’d say! Do you have family/friend support?

I’d definitely be changing the locks and informing DCs school/nursery just in case he pops up again and tries to take them back with him if they have passports that are left in the property.

He obviously is not the man you thought he was and can’t be trusted.

Onelifeonly · 22/07/2023 19:50

I'm so sorry. That's a truly awful cowardly thing to do. Did his family meet your children? If so, they must be pretty callous to cut off their own grandchildren.

GoogleMeNot · 22/07/2023 19:52

Harrumphy · 22/07/2023 19:48

So sorry OP. Assume his family know he was with you and had DC then as you had them on SM and they’ve blocked you too.

How long has he been gone?

Does he come from a country with a different culture to the UK and his family may have pressured him to stay within his culture?

Looks like you have to accept you’re now a single parent and get the financial support you’re entitled to. Do you have joint bank accounts? Have you emptied them?

What have you told your DC? I can’t imagine what I’d say! Do you have family/friend support?

I’d definitely be changing the locks and informing DCs school/nursery just in case he pops up again and tries to take them back with him if they have passports that are left in the property.

He obviously is not the man you thought he was and can’t be trusted.

He's from Belgium.

Misspinkdiditinthelibrary · 22/07/2023 19:53

I'm sorry that this has happened to you OP.

Now you need to focus on your children and get a maintenance order in place,

this may help;

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad

InstantGratificationDarkPlaygroundOfMN · 22/07/2023 19:57

You need to put in for Universal Credit NOW explaining your new situation. Hopefully they can help top up if needed.
If renting, take his name off the deeds and contact Council Tax so you get the single person discount.
CMS won't be able to do much if he's in Belgium but it is a REMO country so I would follow that route if you know his parents' or sister's address in Belgium.
Child maintenance if a parent lives abroad: If the other parent lives abroad - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)
Follow the advice here so he cannot get away with not paying for his kids.
Good luck love. My heart goes out to you x

Child maintenance if a parent lives abroad

What to do if you need to get child maintenance and one of the parents lives abroad.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad/other-partner-lives-abroad

Gagaandgag · 22/07/2023 19:57

So sorry OP do you have any family support x

LookingForFreeDoughnuts · 22/07/2023 19:57

Find your anger, OP, because that's all your energy he deserves.

Clymene · 22/07/2023 19:58

What a horrible thing to do. I'm so sorry, you must be reeling.

Is he on your children's birth certificates?

InstantGratificationDarkPlaygroundOfMN · 22/07/2023 19:58

Ah sorry. I see I'm third telling you about REMO. Xx

Harrumphy · 22/07/2023 20:00

Sorry, just seen he’s from Belgium. In that case do you have a relative (Dad/brother) who could go over there and ask him what the hell he’s playing at so you can get some answers if he continues not to engage with you? It’s not that far a drive, well depending how far you are from the Eurotunnel?

He’s obviously not intending to come back if he’s resigned. Not sure if Belgium has a reciprocal agreement with the UK for child maintenance?

What a pathetic coward and his are family despicable too!

Fuckitydoodah · 22/07/2023 20:01

I think this is one of the worst things I've read in my 10+ years of using mumsnet. How can someone do that? It's completely unfathomable.

I'm so very OP. And for his family to block you too.

I think I'd seek legal advice.

Pinkbonbon · 22/07/2023 20:02

Odd that his parents would block the mother if their three grandkids.

Something else going on here imo.
Maybe he's told them you were crazy for years or something. Or that they weren't his kids...

Eglatina · 22/07/2023 20:04

Just awful, you must be reeling OP. How are you managing? Hope you've got friends and rl support. How old are your children? What a despicable coward.

MaxwellCat · 22/07/2023 20:05

How odd that all his family have blocked you? That doesn't add up so I'm guessing he's told them something about you (true or not) but there's obviously more going on

Newshoess · 22/07/2023 20:06

Did you live together during the 5 years? Did he contribute finicially?

Jongleterre · 22/07/2023 20:17

I'm wondering if he has another partner and child or children in Belgium.

YukoandHiro · 22/07/2023 20:18

My god. This is so hard. You poor thing. What a terrible shock.

Do you have his family's address? Can you contact other relatives?

What do your DC know?

Angelil · 22/07/2023 20:18

My husband works in international child support recovery. You are entitled to financial support from him. Feel free to PM me.

Watchkeys · 22/07/2023 20:18

This isn't ghosting. You're not an idiot. You're not being pathetic.

You have been deserted by the person you should have been able to trust the most. Have the self respect to accept that you will be hurt, unsure, wobbly, tearful etc for as long as you need to be, to recover. Be nice to yourself. Be on your own side. You need all the support you can give you right now, so, if nothing else, no more self criticism. Flowers

YukoandHiro · 22/07/2023 20:21

I know you weren't married but I think you need to speak to a family lawyer about your family rights to track him down for child maintenance.

Do you have a postal address for his family members out there?

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