Ghosted in the worst possible way

[brokenbitbybit]

I've name changed as I've posted quite a lot over the years.

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with being ghosted basically. This has been done to me in the worst possible way.

Together 5 years with 3 children. He is from a different country im from uk. He told me he was going on holiday to visit family due to stress and having no family or friends in this country.

He left without telling me, blocked me on every social media I presume has a new phone number and deleted his email address. I feel absolutely ill

How do I come to terms with this
I'm heart broken

I missed your comment @EffortlessDesmond, what did you say?

It’s one thing to walk out on a partner without being brave enough to say so, but to walk out on kids without having the decency to talk about it (including access and funding them) is shitty.

OP you’ve had good advice - the Belgium authorities will start maintenance for you, get the other balls rolling for benefits etc.

One thing to be wary of, he might decide he misses the dcs and tries to slip back into his old life, don’t let him. I would make sure friends and family in the UK know so he can’t cover it up.

@brokenbitbybit
I'm sorry for how you are feeling OP. Haven't read the full thread, but in the UK it may be possible to trace a person by their National Insurance number, via the DWP. Not sure how it would work overseas though. He is still the children's father and should show responsibility for them.

Thanks again @Angelil I've had an automated response my request for application has been received. Seems they have quite a back log though!

I’m so sorry, Op. My friend’s father did this to her when she was young - completely disappeared back to his home country one day. (He reappeared about a decade later and tried to get back into their lives 😒)

Is he Flemish? Some of the Flems, particularly the Vlaams Belang voters can be quite anti-foreigner.

I think it would be pretty easy to give the police in the town where his mum lives a call and ask for a welfare check. Explain that you have 3 kids under 5 with him and you're worried he might be dead. And that he has left you destitute. They'll be round for a word quick enough.

Is he Flemish or French speaking? And what town? Im happy to make a call for you if it's French.

Seems to be a few people on this thread who can’t quite accept this man is Belgium. They seem perplexed/ disappointed he’s not from wherever they expected him to be 👀

Belgian*

This isn’t ghosting…..…….
……This is evil.

Im so sorry, OP! Horrendous behaviour to do to anyone let alone your partner and children.

I hope you have family and friends supporting you! Take any help being offered and give yourself time.

I don't for one second think he had relationship or children with me for a 'green card/visa' or whatever, if that's the way some think..

Thank you @Wallywobbles he's in sint niklaas

Walk away. Remove all trace of him on SM/phones etc he doesn't respect you. Be strong

French or Flemish?

@Wallywobbles I think they speak Dutch

@brokenbitbybit I said that irresponsible, shit parents, of any and every race and religious persuasion, needed sanctions. It was deemed anti-Islamist and was disappeared faster than I would have believed possible.

It would be useful if MN could set out some sensible rules here. You may/may not comment on race/religion/gender preference or whether dogs are better than cats. But I commented (I think quite politely and moderately) a dissenting and controversial opinion which was removed in under 30 seconds.

They do indeed. I do have a friend who would probably be able to help you with that. She's a very strong lady who brooks no shit!

@Eglatina I only know the sisters first name unfortunately. As far as I'm aware he hadn't had contact with her for years, and when she reached out that's when he sent the screen shot to his mother

@EffortlessDesmond ok I don't really get it, he's catholic and his mother likes to portray herself as holier than thou!!

@Wallywobbles oh really?! That is amazing. Thank you so much! I can't imagine how smug he is right now, he will know the pain I'm in and the desperation of trying to get in touch with him. I'd love to put him in his place

That's definitely Dutch speaking. Without giving too much away, would you PM me his last name? I used to live there and still have friends in the town.

@brokenbitbybit This is an appalling thing to have happen.
His mother surely must have been encouraging him to return to her- What a cruel family to block you so you can't even communicate..

I feel so sorry for the children, too- they will be obviously be devastated if he disappears from their lives.

What a completely cowardly wankerish thing to have done.

Sadly after children, so many less than solid relationships go awry- the whole relationship dynamic changes, but it's a poor show that he's left the children nd you like this- basically abandoned you all, and scuttled back to Mummy.

You don't think he's got another woman in the wings do you?..I'd not be at all surprised.

I hope the house is in your name?

Oh OP this has been awful to read. He has treated you all despicably!

I would get a solicitor and do whatever you need to do to put a block on the passports so he cannot use them or travel out of the country with the children. Either on UK or Belgian passports

block him back on all platforms, don’t let him have an easy way to contact you if that’s how he treats you.

tell everyone what he’s done. Don’t keep a shield of privacy, gather your supports around you and let everyone know what he’s really like.

claim Child Maintenance (bet that gets him coming out the woodwork!!)

go on the website entitled to, to see all the benefits you can claim and start that process. Ask for help from a friend to do the applications if needed. Contact the council to get your council tax reduction.

inform all schools and nurseries so he or family members cannot pick the children up.

good luck OP he’s behaved awfully but you can rise from this without him and you have the best thing of all, the children x