Ghosted in the worst possible way

[brokenbitbybit]

I've name changed as I've posted quite a lot over the years.

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with being ghosted basically. This has been done to me in the worst possible way.

Together 5 years with 3 children. He is from a different country im from uk. He told me he was going on holiday to visit family due to stress and having no family or friends in this country.

He left without telling me, blocked me on every social media I presume has a new phone number and deleted his email address. I feel absolutely ill

How do I come to terms with this
I'm heart broken

@brokenbitbybit

im really sorry the stupid bastard has done this to you and the children.

You definitely need to just follow the official route to getting him to pay.

obviously it doesn't answer the personal questions, but I think the same thing to do is accept he's a mummy's boy & he's done what mummy said he should. I totally & absolutely understand the desire to know what the fuck he thinks he's doing, but you'll be far better off if you can let that go & just focus on the practicalities of life & build a new life for you & the children.

id never take him back, no matter what he says. He lied about his resignation, he abandoned his children. I couldn't forgive that it ever trust him again.

Apply for UC tomorrow.

you're stronger than you know, you'll get through this xx

Yes, the authorities will definitely find him in Belgium. What a scummy way to behave.

Posting completely without judgement, this man should be held responsible for his children and family, Regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation.

What a fucking coward. Not that it's right to ghost anyone, but I can see a coward ghosting a spouse/partner but NOT ghosting his children!

@brokenbitbybit Since you say the kids were 'everything' to him and that his mother had been 'urging' him to come back to Belgium, do you have any concern about him returning on the sly to take the children back with him? I guess my thinking is that a grandmother would want her DGC nearby and be willing to 'help out' + the kids being 'everything' to him might make him, with her backing, want to move them to Belgium. Have you looked for their passports? Are they dual citizens? Do they go to daycare or school where he'd be able to pick them up?

I don't mean to frighten you, but honestly, that would be my first concern.

@drpet49

i wouldn't give a shiny shit.

his MH wasn't so bad that he resigned from work, but lied to the op saying his job would be there when he came back from his break.

it wasn't so bad he had sex with her, told her he loved her, said it was break with his family & then abandoned his children and her. Blocked her on SM/phone then set up new SM, phone etc & again blocked her.

he's gone Nc with her and his children.

he can take any MH excuse and insert it somewhere dark!!

He is a mamas boy 100%
I could guarantee the majority of our buckets were being relayed to her. His version obviously.

He has another sister who lives in another country. I remember when she contacted him he screenshotted it and sent it to his mother. She said block her and he did it immediately, no questions asked. Didn't even respond to the sister sending photos of her baby. Should have been a massive warning sign for me.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, but find your rage please for the sake of your kids and follow the links sent for maintenance they will find him.

if not eating right soups are good for now and get friends and family rallied round to help.

I disagree with this . OP and her DC do need answers. OP for closure and her DC to know why their Dad abandoned them.

How is she supposed to explain to them why their Dad hasn’t come back and if he will at all.

He might pop up in a few months when the reality of what he’s done hits, then disappear again, which will confuse and upset them even more.

Sorry forgot to add their birth certificates passports are locked in a safe at a family members house. Nursery is aware of situation but they're on summer holidays anyway now.

I disagree with this . OP and her DC do need answers. OP for closure and her DC to know why their Dad abandoned them

Closure doesn't come from the person who left. Children only need to know that it wasn't anything to do with them, or anything they did wrong. He really doesn't sound like he's going to give a full explanation that will be satisfactory to OP or their children.

Good!

However, it may be a good idea to flag the passports with the issuing agency if you think there is the slightest chance he'll report them as lost or destroyed and request new ones. I think there's some sort of 'flight risk' flag you can put on the records.

Do the children have Belgian citizenship, too? One thing to remember is that birth records are public records and although you have your copies locked up, he can obtain his own certified copies from the registrar's office (or whatever entity maintains those records).

What a fucking mess! Once again, the man skips off merrily leaving the woman with the pieces to pick up and the future to secure.

this is awful. i’m so sorry you’re going through this

@Harrumphy given their ages there's no explanation that will make any sense to then that requires knowing why he's done this. Basic toddler explanation 'Daddy's at work' or whatever.

WTAF 😐

That is a disgraceful and outrageous comment.

Very good advice from @AcrossthePond55 there OP. I think you've hit the nail on the head with the mummy's boy bit. Did he have a previously good relationship with his sister before that incident? Do you have a contact for her?

He is a weak morally bankrupt coward.

Right now I’d focus on applying for every benefit you are eligible for and getting some RL support. I would also contact womens aid and CAB to find out what resources there are that can help you explain to the DC as they grow up.

This is madness!

I don’t even have much to say because what can be said?! Is he ever coming back? Is he really planning to just ditch his children? Jesus this is awful

na fuck him, he and his family are complicit in this.

OP it sounds like Angelil is offering a good resource x

What a disgrace. His mother sounds vile as well. He shouldn’t be hard to find as you have a fair amount of information. Presuming you have the former address for his mother, it shouldn’t be hard for the authorities to find out where she has moved to. I wonder if her move was also part of the plan.

Oh love, my heart goes out to you. Bickering or not, you in no way shape or form deserve this. It’s not ghosting, it’s full on abandonment. He’s a spineless bastard.

It wasn't a disgraceful comment because it was carefully phrased not to be offensive, but it was an opinion. Clearly, if opinions diverging from group correct think are going to be deleted, then there's only going with the flow. Buy the pig...

People are suggesting that someone, or the authorities should attempt to track this guy down. Surely the message is clear .... He doesn't want to be there !

I;ve been in Belgium a long time - his attitude and that of his mother seem very "un Belgian". Family is all important - 50/50 is quite normal in cases of separation and most fathers seem to take their share of school pick ups and other child care related stuff. Surprised the GPs have only seen the kids twice.