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Original poster

Ghosted in the worst possible way

209 replies

brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 18:31

I've name changed as I've posted quite a lot over the years.

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with being ghosted basically. This has been done to me in the worst possible way.

Together 5 years with 3 children. He is from a different country im from uk. He told me he was going on holiday to visit family due to stress and having no family or friends in this country.

He left without telling me, blocked me on every social media I presume has a new phone number and deleted his email address. I feel absolutely ill

How do I come to terms with this
I'm heart broken

OP posts:
Angelil · 22/07/2023 20:23

YukoandHiro · 22/07/2023 20:21

I know you weren't married but I think you need to speak to a family lawyer about your family rights to track him down for child maintenance.

Do you have a postal address for his family members out there?

She doesn’t need a lawyer - it’s actually very straightforward. The U.K. and Belgium are both signatories to the relevant Convention regarding this. She just needs to apply via the gov.uk links that have already been given to her on this thread and the Belgian authorities will do the rest. Ironically she is actually better off if he has gone back to Belgium as the Belgian recovery agencies are more efficient than the U.K. ones.

Angelil · 22/07/2023 20:24

Them being unmarried doesn’t matter either as it’s just proof of paternity that’s important (e.g. name on birth certificates).

Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 20:25

Reading all the advice thank you

Every time we had an argument or bickered he told his family about it. God knows what he's been saying to them. They have met the kids twice. He is on the birth certificates.

I don't know his address or anything in Belgium. Only city. His mother moved recently so never got her new address. It'd be like finding a needle in a haystack

OP posts:
Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 20:27

@Angelil thank you so much I'm going to look properly once kids are asleep.

Thank you everyone for showing me kindness I'm feeling pretty fragile at the moment

OP posts:
Weonlyhavealoanofit · 22/07/2023 20:29

I don’t think that the word ‘ghosted’ really does justice to your situation. He has walked out and abandoned his family. Seemingly the paternal family are supporting him in this decision. It’s disgraceful and incredibly selfish. Contact his embassy and ask for some assistance. Contact his MEP and seek assistance. Notify the authorities here that you seek
child support. On the emotional front, keep your own support network close, keep a diary and try to accept what has happened and commit to never falling into the same type of relationship again. This man is a stranger to you, he’s been playing a being a partner and father. Ultimately (and it doesn’t feel like it now) you are better off without him. You’ll need to be strong and brave and for what it’s worth, you’ll be in my prayers and thoughts.

MumblesParty · 22/07/2023 20:29

If you can afford it I would hire a private detective to find him.

Angelil · 22/07/2023 20:33

MumblesParty · 22/07/2023 20:29

If you can afford it I would hire a private detective to find him.

LOL, not needed. See my posts above. Robust processes are already in place for this (international child support recovery has a different process to child support recovery within the U.K.).

Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 20:35

Thank you for the kindness

I've emailed the MEBC now.

I can't believe he did this to us 😞

OP posts:
Angelil · 22/07/2023 20:40

brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 20:35

Thank you for the kindness

I've emailed the MEBC now.

I can't believe he did this to us 😞

I am so sorry that he has, OP. Remember it’s not your fault at all.

Thosepeskyseagulls · 22/07/2023 20:40

If he calls again, screenshot.

Do you definitely know something sad hasn’t happened, like he’s taken his own life?

PoshPineapple · 22/07/2023 20:41

I am so very sorry OP, I have no words of useful advice, but really just wanted to say that I'm sorry, and I hope you get some answers very soon.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 22/07/2023 20:43

It does sound really odd, like he has a marriage arranged for him in Belgium. Is he of a different culture/religion/immigrant country in Belgium where they have arranged marriages?

His family sadly probably think because the English Channel separates Belgium from England that it’s easy for him and them to ignore and block you.

Definitely get MEP involved and I’d be tempted to contact his old work (you can say you got confirmation of his resignation delivered to your home address) and see what they know/say. They probably will say nothing due to GDPR/data protection though.

FFSwhatisthis · 22/07/2023 20:44

MumblesParty · 22/07/2023 20:29

If you can afford it I would hire a private detective to find him.

@MumblesParty why?

pontipinemum · 22/07/2023 20:45

I am actually speechless.

I hope you get some answers you deserve them, so do your children. I really do not understand how someone can just do that.

Original poster
brokenbitbybit · 22/07/2023 20:45

He hasn't taken his own life as he video called 5 days ago for 7 minutes from his sisters phone. He was at home with his family.

He left 8 days ago.

I don't think he has another family over there. As this is the first time he's been back to Belgium in 5 years, and he was 100% single when we met. We were together a year before he moved here.

He has seemed pretty down, we've both been snapping at eachother and arguing over every little thing saying nasty things to eachother. We both had a lot of stress lately but I never in a million years thought he'd to this to me and the kids. The kids were everything to him everything he did was for them. He'd leave himself with pennies to make sure myself and the children had what we needed.

I know in the past when we've argued his mother has tried to influence him to leave and go back to Belgium. Looks like it's worked this time

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 22/07/2023 20:46

Angelil · 22/07/2023 20:40

I am so sorry that he has, OP. Remember it’s not your fault at all.

Show quote history

I think OP has said that they’d been arguing a lot (unsurprising with 3 young children) so I think she realises maybe she’s partly to blame for this but to me it’s family daily life. If he ups and leaves then he can do this of course, but he has to support her even if he has no intention of seeing his children again.

FFSwhatisthis · 22/07/2023 20:47

Thosepeskyseagulls · 22/07/2023 20:40

If he calls again, screenshot.

Do you definitely know something sad hasn’t happened, like he’s taken his own life?

@Thosepeskyseagulls

did you read all the OP's posts?

he set up new SM accounts & when she found them, he blocked her.

his family have blocked her.

Do you really think that sounds like he took his own life?

ThreeRingCircus · 22/07/2023 20:47

What he has done to his own children is despicable, he has completely abandoned them
Find your rage, anger will get you through this initial heartache.

Angelil · 22/07/2023 20:48

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 22/07/2023 20:43

It does sound really odd, like he has a marriage arranged for him in Belgium. Is he of a different culture/religion/immigrant country in Belgium where they have arranged marriages?

His family sadly probably think because the English Channel separates Belgium from England that it’s easy for him and them to ignore and block you.

Definitely get MEP involved and I’d be tempted to contact his old work (you can say you got confirmation of his resignation delivered to your home address) and see what they know/say. They probably will say nothing due to GDPR/data protection though.

Again the OP doesn’t need to do any of this. I cannot stress enough how much she just needs to go through the proper channels right now.

Pinkbonbon · 22/07/2023 20:49

No need to contact him. Just let rhe child support people hunt him down. There's really nothing more to say to a person who abandons his own kids and vanishes tbh. Leave him to his own mistakes.

Angelil · 22/07/2023 20:49

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 22/07/2023 20:46

I think OP has said that they’d been arguing a lot (unsurprising with 3 young children) so I think she realises maybe she’s partly to blame for this but to me it’s family daily life. If he ups and leaves then he can do this of course, but he has to support her even if he has no intention of seeing his children again.

Show quote history

Oh I totally agree. Even with standard arguments/bickering in family life (six of one half a dozen of the other sort of stuff) she still doesn’t deserve this. No-one does.

sparklefresh · 22/07/2023 20:50

What a cowardly arsehole

drpet49 · 22/07/2023 20:51

“The kids were everything to him everything he did was for them. He'd leave himself with pennies to make sure myself and the children had what we needed.”

^If this is the case I do wonder if he is having some kind of mental health episode?

Angelil · 22/07/2023 20:52

Pinkbonbon · 22/07/2023 20:49

No need to contact him. Just let rhe child support people hunt him down. There's really nothing more to say to a person who abandons his own kids and vanishes tbh. Leave him to his own mistakes.

Exactly. In Belgium it will be very easy as every resident/citizen is obliged to register with the local authorities. It’s a totally different system to the U.K. The authorities will already have his details. The OP already can give them a full name, city and phone number (even if he has recently moved and ditched the phone number) and with this, and the information the local authorities will already have about him, they should be able to track him down easily. Sadly they are used to this/it happens more often than you might suppose.

Avatartar · 22/07/2023 20:55

OP this is terrible, I’ve read your posts- have you checked you have the birth certificates and DC passports if the gave them? Change your locks too - you poor thing