Other man

[Confused1096]

Nc for this post.

myself and dp booked a holiday abroad where we were meeting another couple he’s been friends with for 30 years. They are all in their 50’s, I’m late 30’s. I had met other couple twice prior to our trip.

I was really looking forward to this holiday of a lifetime, totally different to anywhere we have visited before. I had a great time but I’m home a week and very confused.

It was evident the other couples marriage was not in a good place. The wife was telling me how she wanted to leave him and that they hadn’t been working for a long time. The husband was flirting with any chance he could.

I spoke to my dp about what was happening wen we were alone. He said the husband hadn’t been happy for a long time and they were no longer having sex. My dp encouraged me to flirt back with the husband give him a bit of an ego boost. I wasn’t feeling it at all, but I feel my dp had given the husband the green light to up his flirting (obv a conversation they had wen they were alone).

This man was relentless, was beside me as often as he could be, staring, discreetly touching my hand, my neck, my legs. Every nite wen dp and I went to bed he would ask if his friend had done or said anything that nite. He seemed to get turned on the more this guy tried it on with me. He asked me to talk to him about wot would happen if the scenario were to arise if the other man and I were to sleep together, like dirty chat. But other nites he would get extremely jealous and ask me to sleep away from him.

I never encouraged the husband or reciprocated any of the flirting/touching, I almost just pretended it wasn’t happening.

I am now home and extremely jet lagged, back to normal life, back to work. Im confused, it’s worse at nite wen I can’t sleep. I find myself looking over our holiday pictures and trying to piece the days/nites together. I have found myself thinking about this other man… he is not someone I would ever look at twice even as a single woman. I don’t know if I’m attracted to him or merely trying to process Wots happened.

please be kind

You might find it helpful to look up cuckoldry. Put your search engine's safe search feature on first.

WTAF have I just read?

It sounds like your friends with the wife too - if he is like this with other women it may be why their marriage is not in a good place.

Or they are swingers and your husband is also keen and seeing if you are up for it too? He seems to like the thought of you with another man

You've been love bombed by someone presenting as a trusted friend and essentially pimped out by your partner.
Two men behaving like you're meat.
It's toxic and I'd be closing the door on the lot of them

'D'P my arse.

You need to be dumping him. I can tell you my husband (and any other decent man) would not have acted the way your boyfriend did.

The wife was not party to this she tried not to be present as much as possible. Showed disdain to her husband constantly. Was just me and them.

@HundredMilesAnHour i never done a single thing that could be perceived as vile

Not vile of op. She was ambushed.

So you allowed the other husband to touch you??
and then ur (not) DP asked about it later…
You need to leave

@Tannedandfake I didn’t know wot to do. He would take my hand whilst walking to the hotel and I would look at my dp to help and he would look the other way. He put his hand on my leg in the back of a taxi again I looked at my partner to stop it and he would tell me I was ok.

I didn’t want this

How do you "not allow" someone to touch you when they are determined to do so? Millions of rape and sexual assault victims around the world would love to know how they could have "not allowed" the attacks that men subjected them to.

Seriously, think about the wider implications of your idea that women can always choose whether a bloke touches us.

This is disgusting and disturbing on multiple levels

Oh op. You need to run as far and as fast away from BOTH these disgusting men.

My DP would go from enjoying it, turning the other way, telling me I was fine and to not make a fuss to telling me I was wrong and that he wasn’t getting enough attention. My heads a mess

Op. He isn't your 'd' p. He has just treated you like a piece of meat, and encouraged his friend to do this same.
Do you have any where you can go to get some space from him?

@HundredMilesAnHour i did not fully know this man. I had been in his company about 8 hours before this trip. He is my DP’s oldest friend. I didn’t want to create a big drama hence why I asked my DP to help, to stop it.

This is pretty horrible - going into "freeze" is a normal reaction to a crappy situation - if a woman freezes or goes numb it's definitely not her fault. Blaming her for "allowing" is so wrong.

OP it seems that your "D"P has a thing for cuckoldry and wants you to sleep with other men for his own titillation. He hasn't seen fit to discuss this with you first, but has tried to set you up with his friend in the face of your clear discomfort. Swinging is something that should only be done if both partners want it and have discussed it in advance. That he doesn't consider you worthy of the basic courtesy of getting your informed consent first speaks volumes of how little he respects you.

I would LTB.

She could have stopped it at the point when her DP suggested it. Instead it seems she said nothing and went along with it. Perhaps this is an abusive relationship and this is just one in a series of abusive incidents but that would be quite the dripfeed from the OP.

Typical responses to inappropriate touching include: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn/faux-friendly. If the OP froze, that's not consent.

You say “get your fucking hands off me”. You walk away, you get out of the car, you leave the bar. I’m referring to this post specifically and not talking about sexual assaults in general. OP I would leave my partner if that happened.

@Tomateen i couldn’t leave the bar, I couldn’t leave the car, I couldn’t walk away. I was consistently sandwiched between them. My DP was telling me I was fine, not to make a fuss, that I was ok.

This may come as some surprise to you, but we don't all have the presence of mind in that moment to think of how to get away. Especially those of us who learned as children that resisting a man or boy means lots of pain.