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Original poster

Manchild sleeping through pick ups

211 replies

Turtleyturtles · 27/06/2023 11:44

My ex who (still lives me) with was fast asleep yesterday when he should have been picking up the kids. This is the 4th time this has happened in the last month. On one occasion the school rang me because our 4yo and 8yo were in reception waiting to be picked up. He was asleep then too. After the first time it happened he promised to set an alarm. Second time he was asleep and forgot to pick them up he blamed me - he sleeps so much and says he is depressed because I ended our relationship. I ended it because he is a manchild who contributes zero financially and doesn't pull his weight with childcare or housework either. He works from home and often ends up napping at about 3pm. He says he can't help it.

We are having couples counselling to help us split amicably and he is moving out within 6 months. But I'm not sure what to do about him sleeping through pick ups. I don't want to take over. His share of the picks up is his responsibility. Nor do I want to add 'wake up dad' to my list of jobs! If he is late to pick them up for after school club, we get charged another hour, which I ask him to pay. But beyond that, any ideas?

OP posts:
InTheGardenShed · 27/06/2023 11:54

He is using you.... he still lives there and it's also his workplace

6 months to move out??

Sausageeggschipsandbeans · 27/06/2023 12:19

He is an arse. It’s not great but either add waking him up to your list (for now) or add dealing with calls from the school and paying the extra!

Could you get him to set a couple of alarms on the phone or buy a cheap alarm clock and set it for him?

InTheGardenShed · 27/06/2023 12:25

Buy him an alarm clock and set it for him??

Isn't that manchild-ing him even more??

Plasticplantpot · 27/06/2023 12:30

Get some self esteem and kick him out now. What a pathetic idiot. I imagine every other parent got there on time. Why’s he so different? I’d be getting a solicitor’s letter too.

PermanentTemporary · 27/06/2023 12:35

Why didnt the school ring him?

Can you arrange that they know which parent to contact on the different pickup days? He's late, they call him, he deals with it.

Tbh I wouldn't talk to him about this. It reinforces that you're some kind of maternal figure. Which you are, but not to him.

Coolblur · 27/06/2023 12:39

I know you will drop everything in that scenario to pick up your kids, but if it happens again ask the school to call him as you're at work then call you back if no response. He won't care if only you complain about it, but he might if the school do.
Depression or not, there's no excuse for leaving your kids wondering why daddy forgot about them again.

I'm pretty sure this isn't what an amicable split looks like. He is setting you up as childcare facilitator so he can check out of family life. Take the control away from him and arrange reliable childcare, then start fast tracking the separation and divorce process to get him out of your house and life. He isn't contributing in any way now so it's time he went.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 27/06/2023 12:41

What a useless sack of shit he is.

Hasten his move out. Let your children see what a lazy, functionless prick he is. Unfortunately, they’ll be probably subject to a few more occasions of being left at school.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 27/06/2023 12:43

Why on earth should she have to parent her useless cunt of an ex, as well as do everything else?

HappenstanceMarmite · 27/06/2023 12:44

Passive aggressive protest at your decision to split. Punishing you indirectly. Spineless and further evidence - if it were needed - that your decision to end the relationship was 100% the right one.

Rubychews · 27/06/2023 12:47

Put his number down as first call. Let him explain to schools he is a lazy bastard that can’t even remember to pick up his small children.

Clymene · 27/06/2023 12:48

Just kick him out and stop the counselling. He's a useless waste of space and your children deserve better than this. Fucking selfish arsehole.

GoldDuster · 27/06/2023 12:51

With respect this isn't an amicable split. This is him taking the absolute piss, and letting you and his children down and you putting up with it, wait and see how amicable it is when you draw some boundaries and stop facilitating him. Which is what you need to do here.

Original poster
Turtleyturtles · 27/06/2023 12:52

PermanentTemporary · 27/06/2023 12:35

Why didnt the school ring him?

Can you arrange that they know which parent to contact on the different pickup days? He's late, they call him, he deals with it.

Tbh I wouldn't talk to him about this. It reinforces that you're some kind of maternal figure. Which you are, but not to him.

The school did ring him but he didn't pick up because he was asleep!

Yes, good idea, I will let school know so they can ring him and not me. And I agree, I won't talk to him about it, I'm not his mother or his counsellor.

OP posts:
Original poster
Turtleyturtles · 27/06/2023 12:55

Coolblur · 27/06/2023 12:39

I know you will drop everything in that scenario to pick up your kids, but if it happens again ask the school to call him as you're at work then call you back if no response. He won't care if only you complain about it, but he might if the school do.
Depression or not, there's no excuse for leaving your kids wondering why daddy forgot about them again.

I'm pretty sure this isn't what an amicable split looks like. He is setting you up as childcare facilitator so he can check out of family life. Take the control away from him and arrange reliable childcare, then start fast tracking the separation and divorce process to get him out of your house and life. He isn't contributing in any way now so it's time he went.

Thank you, good advice. We're not married thank god and I own the majority of the house.

OP posts:
00100001 · 27/06/2023 12:56

Sausageeggschipsandbeans · 27/06/2023 12:19

He is an arse. It’s not great but either add waking him up to your list (for now) or add dealing with calls from the school and paying the extra!

Could you get him to set a couple of alarms on the phone or buy a cheap alarm clock and set it for him?

Why the fuck should she do anything like that?

He's not 4...

OhBling · 27/06/2023 12:56

This takes weaponised incompetence to a WHOLE NEW level. Wow.

Not sure what your plan is for the DC once he finally moves out, but I think this helps to make a clear argument that he can't be trusted with them if he starts fighting for 50/50 or even more (usually because they don't want to pay CM).

Original poster
Turtleyturtles · 27/06/2023 12:58

Wow, thanks everyone for all the no-nonsense and appropriately-sweary advice! I love it, it's given me a push and more confidence. He absolutely is all of these things, passive-aggressive, selfish etc.

OP posts:
NewUserName2023 · 27/06/2023 12:58

Surely he can set an alarm on his phone to wake him in time to do the pick ups?

GeriatricMumma · 27/06/2023 13:00

If he can't even get the kids from school, he may as well just fuck off now

Original poster
Turtleyturtles · 27/06/2023 13:01

Yes, surely, you would think so. But apparently not because he doesn't know when he going to fall alseep, bless. Poor exhausted poppet. It's pathetic, childish and irresponsible.

OP posts:
24Dogcuddler · 27/06/2023 13:03

I once had to phone a Dad who hadn’t picked up his child from school. He told me on the phone “ I was sleeping “
He clearly wasn’t happy at being woken up and didn’t seem to realise it was a problem. Poor child was so upset.

27penny · 27/06/2023 13:07

HappenstanceMarmite · 27/06/2023 12:44

Passive aggressive protest at your decision to split. Punishing you indirectly. Spineless and further evidence - if it were needed - that your decision to end the relationship was 100% the right one.

I agree, mines at the same shit. Absolutely punishment 🙄

InTheGardenShed · 27/06/2023 13:09

When you have split and he's moved out, what's the plan for his contact?

RandomMess · 27/06/2023 13:11

Accelerate him leaving your HOUSE. He is a waste of space and doing this deliberately, why are you being "kind" and letting him have an additional 6 months cluttering your home and getting in the way?

Original poster
Turtleyturtles · 27/06/2023 13:12

HappenstanceMarmite · 27/06/2023 12:44

Passive aggressive protest at your decision to split. Punishing you indirectly. Spineless and further evidence - if it were needed - that your decision to end the relationship was 100% the right one.

Yes, further evidence. I'm SO glad I made the decision to split. Every day brings more evidence - it might be a smell, a comment, a look on his face or a noise. The look on his face is usually puzzled or poor me. Yuk.

OP posts: