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Original poster

Manchild sleeping through pick ups

211 replies

Turtleyturtles · 27/06/2023 11:44

My ex who (still lives me) with was fast asleep yesterday when he should have been picking up the kids. This is the 4th time this has happened in the last month. On one occasion the school rang me because our 4yo and 8yo were in reception waiting to be picked up. He was asleep then too. After the first time it happened he promised to set an alarm. Second time he was asleep and forgot to pick them up he blamed me - he sleeps so much and says he is depressed because I ended our relationship. I ended it because he is a manchild who contributes zero financially and doesn't pull his weight with childcare or housework either. He works from home and often ends up napping at about 3pm. He says he can't help it.

We are having couples counselling to help us split amicably and he is moving out within 6 months. But I'm not sure what to do about him sleeping through pick ups. I don't want to take over. His share of the picks up is his responsibility. Nor do I want to add 'wake up dad' to my list of jobs! If he is late to pick them up for after school club, we get charged another hour, which I ask him to pay. But beyond that, any ideas?

OP posts:
Daftapath · 29/06/2023 13:36

Op I would focus on getting the house valued and for now assume that he will accept 10% of the value. When I was divorcing, I arranged for a few estate agents to visit and chose the three lowest valuations. Have these ready for when you visit the solicitor if you can.

I would ask the solicitor to write to him, stating the average (or middle) valuation and offering him 10%. Payment of the money is only on agreement (in writing from him) that he will move out by a certain date and does so. I wouldn't give him too long to move.

If he won't agree to a figure to move, then you can follow up with a letter threatening court for a judge to decide.

I actually did the leg work to find xh a flat as I felt it would facilitate his relationship with his children (it didn't!) but at least I then knew that he wouldn't follow through on his threat to move back in.

RandomMess · 29/06/2023 15:09

Remember ask them to value you it and the price it would easily sell for not some aspirational one.

Original poster
Turtleyturtles · 29/06/2023 15:39

Daftapath · 29/06/2023 13:36

Op I would focus on getting the house valued and for now assume that he will accept 10% of the value. When I was divorcing, I arranged for a few estate agents to visit and chose the three lowest valuations. Have these ready for when you visit the solicitor if you can.

I would ask the solicitor to write to him, stating the average (or middle) valuation and offering him 10%. Payment of the money is only on agreement (in writing from him) that he will move out by a certain date and does so. I wouldn't give him too long to move.

If he won't agree to a figure to move, then you can follow up with a letter threatening court for a judge to decide.

I actually did the leg work to find xh a flat as I felt it would facilitate his relationship with his children (it didn't!) but at least I then knew that he wouldn't follow through on his threat to move back in.

Thank you, this is helpful advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Turtleyturtles · 29/06/2023 15:40

RandomMess · 29/06/2023 15:09

Remember ask them to value you it and the price it would easily sell for not some aspirational one.

I wouldn't have thought of this, thank you! Excellent idea. I won't be tidying up either.

OP posts:
Daftapath · 29/06/2023 15:52

Absolutely what Random said. I pointed out all the work that needed doing and laid on thick that the house hadn't had anything done for decades, unlike the one next door that had recently sold for lots of money Grin

When I received the written valuations, I even asked one estate agent to change the numbers from a range valuation to just include the lower number which reduced by about 100k. He was fab once he knew the situation.

Good luck op.

DPotter · 29/06/2023 18:22

@Echo78

You need to start your own thread Echo.

At the stop of this thread there's a blue button on the right labelled 'Start New thread' - click there

Original poster
Turtleyturtles · 30/06/2023 13:06

Daftapath · 29/06/2023 15:52

Absolutely what Random said. I pointed out all the work that needed doing and laid on thick that the house hadn't had anything done for decades, unlike the one next door that had recently sold for lots of money Grin

When I received the written valuations, I even asked one estate agent to change the numbers from a range valuation to just include the lower number which reduced by about 100k. He was fab once he knew the situation.

Good luck op.

Good work! And thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Turtleyturtles · 06/07/2023 16:35

An update from my appointment with a solictor for those invested!

She confirmed what I thought was the case. To get him to move out I need to apply to court which is expensive and time consuming. As a first step, she could write him a letter offering him his share of the property to move out, as a PP suggested. If he accepted the offer, I would get the titles deeds changed when I transfer the money and he moves out. But before I do this, we are going to mediaton to avoid things getting confrontational. We can get a government grant to cover the costs of the sessions (government funds mediation to keep couples out of court). In mediation we make an agreement with timescales and we can make this legally binding. She advised that giving my ex a helping hand finding a flat might not be a bad thing and actually would be in my interests and would save time and money. I've booked the first mediation session and expect it to take 3 to 4 sessions to sort everything out. It will take a month or so, but well worth it to create an agreement and to save on legal costs.

Thanks again everyone for the advice.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 06/07/2023 16:40

Glad there is progress and good luck

Daftapath · 06/07/2023 16:54

Excellent! Good luck with mediation

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 06/07/2023 17:05

Good luck

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