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Original poster

Having an affair with my boss

213 replies

BellZa · 21/06/2023 19:24

Hi!
usual story.
I've been working here for a year now.
My boss is a great guy (I know I know.. .but EVERYBODY IN THE COMPANY TELLS ME THE SAME!) and I honestly feel lucky to work with him. I work in an all male team, in a mostly male department. and he has always been super respectful and considered and he is extremely protective of me and my work. (don´t know how to feel about this to be honest...)
2 months ago after a few days working long hours together... he kissed me. and I kissed him back...
We didnt´t do anything else that night because I said "no no no this is a terrible idea".
I say that night because yes... we are now having a full on affair.
and yes... he tells me all the things... he doesn't have sex with his girlfriend (not married but owned a house together, been together for a long time...) sleeping in different bedrooms, he is not happy, he has told her that he wants to end the relationship... I know all men say this.
A part of me, wants to believe him. The other is screaming at me for being such an idiot.
I now scared of people from work finding out, I'm scared of what's going to happen with my job if I break up with him, what if I Don't... my head is full of "What ifs"
He tells me that he loves, that he wants to be with me, that if I want we can just leave tomorrow together and go anywhere I want, that he has never feel this way before...
of course, their house is not on the market, he is still living at home and... they are on holiday together right now. (they have the trip booked from before but...) he says that they barely speak... well you know.
I think I'm going crazy because I don't believe anything he says now (before, when he was just my boss I trusted him completely) but I do want to believe him and see if he is telling the truth?

So... I need you all to tell me that he is just lying and I should just leave him and look for another Job . right?
I can't talk about this with anybody because I feel so ashamed... It's such a cliche...
and yes I feel terrible for his girlfriend.
I've tried to break it off a couple of times but them I see him in the office and he looks at me with such sadness and... I just fall back into it...

so... do we all agree? am I being a fool and he is just like every other cheating bastard and I'm a fool for believing that he is actually a nice man in a difficult situation? (as I'm tipping all sounds like bollocks to me ....)

Sorry for the long rant! I just needed to talk about it!

OP posts:
BlinkeredBay · 21/06/2023 19:26

You’re a fool and soon to be an unemployed fool,

TheSnowyOwl · 21/06/2023 19:26

You’re an idiot, he’s the one with a girlfriend and someone got a booty call. I guarantee you aren’t the first work affair he has had and you will lose/leave you job over this.

Bonbon21 · 21/06/2023 19:28

Have you heard of Karma?

ThatFraggle · 21/06/2023 19:28

We can write you out a play by play of what's going to happen.

You can either grow up. Or you can think that you are the magical unicorn who has found the love of their life in a sordid way.

WeeOrcadian · 21/06/2023 19:29

Are you 17?

This won't end well, we all know it, even you.

JRHartleysmum · 21/06/2023 19:31

Ffs grow up

Justcallmebebes · 21/06/2023 19:31

My guess is it will end in tears, yours. You know this is all kinds of wrong OP and ultimately you will be the one to suffer

Mischance · 21/06/2023 19:32

Well ... it's an idea ... but not a good one.

He has you right where he wants you. You know this is foolish.

BlinkeredBay · 21/06/2023 19:32

and he is extremely protective of me and my work.

Why, does he think the office girly can’t look after herself? Are you not capable of the job? If not get one you can do!

ThatsACoolShirt · 21/06/2023 19:34

Even you know that you’re being played. He is a cheating bastard. His poor girlfriend.

End it, look for another job, learn from it.

mayorofcasterbridge · 21/06/2023 19:34

Move jobs, and next time, only get with a man who's single.

DisgustingBrother · 21/06/2023 19:35

BlinkeredBay · 21/06/2023 19:26

You’re a fool and soon to be an unemployed fool,

Yep.

PimpMyFridge · 21/06/2023 19:37

No one goes on holiday with someone they barely speak to and are about to leave.
I'd be meant it he'd have acted instead of making you feel like all you have to do is pull the trigger and he's yours.
You're being played, in sure he really likes you, but the rest is at best and exaggeration and more likely utter hogwash.
I bet she had no idea she's in a sexless relationship with someone who wants out (what's stopping him!)

TheCrocodileBird · 21/06/2023 19:42

It's the same old song every single time, bet he's having lots of holiday sex with his girlfriend and you will be the last thing on his mind.
If you went knocking on his door one evening when they get back you would soon see another side of him. But he chose you because your a "good" girl, cheating men don't mess around with assertive women, they prefer the naive ones that they can control and manipulate.

BounceyB · 21/06/2023 19:42

He's probably been looking for an affair for a long time. I feel for you because at least you know it's not right but you do need to break it off.

Trees6 · 21/06/2023 19:42

He doesn’t have to legally divorce and you’ve not mentioned that he has children with her, so what - precisely - is holding him up?

People at work probably know about it and pity you and her. The problem is that his career won’t be affected but you’ll get a bad name. Unfair, but true. A woman at my old workplace was known as The Bike because she’d slept with a married manager a couple of times. He was known as Adam….because that was his name. No nickname for him.

Hintofreality · 21/06/2023 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hoppinggreen · 21/06/2023 19:44

He’s not a great guy, not to you and not to his poor girlfriend.
Unlike her though you have a choice whether to be with the cheating shithead

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 21/06/2023 19:44

You both deserve whatever you get when people start finding out what's going on.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 21/06/2023 19:45

I would look for another job either inside or outside the company. However this turns out you absolutely do not want to be working for him when it comes time for performance evaluations, pay reviews, and promotions. At some point this will come out and if you are reporting to him most likely both of you will be fired.

googlejourney · 21/06/2023 19:47

You stop sleeping with him immediately, and tell him you are serious about a relationship with him but will wait until he us completely single and living alone after leaving her.

It will never happen, he is not going to leave her. He dies not sleep in the spare room.

If he does and you enter a full relationship with you, one day it will be you he cheats on.

Sweetheart, he's a bad un...

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 21/06/2023 19:49

Oh dear....

He's got you hook line and sinker.

Good luck, I hope you don't waste too much time with this creature and find someone nice (and available).

InceyWinceySpidy · 21/06/2023 19:50

People are being rude to you, but the underlying sentiment stands.

He's on holiday with his partner. He's in a full blown relationship with his partner. No, they don't sleep in separate rooms. No, he's not leaving her.

You know this.

So yes, basically, he's not going anywhere, and it's all going to go tits up for you at work. Good luck in your job search, and let this be a lesson to you that if you lay with dogs, you'll get fleas.

People that cheat, are the lowest of the low. In order to do so, they have to deceive and gaslight the person they are cheating on. That's abuse. And you're a willing party to that. But you prioritise your grubby affair over another person being abused. Shame on you.

bawchops · 21/06/2023 19:53

Three things

  1. They are not married and no kids. If he wanted to leave he would have. This isn't overly complicated
  2. Your job. At best you will be office gossip & having people question your integrity and ability. At worst, you will be fired.
  3. You will never trust that he wouldn't do the same to you.

This is not good grounding for a healthy and successful relationship. Leave

HermioneWeasley · 21/06/2023 19:54

What exactly is keeping him from leaving his girlfriend? Do they have children? Are they married?

has he declared his conflict of interest with regards to you to his manager or HR?

he has no integrity. You already knows he lies - he’s lying to his company not telling them that you two are having an affair. He’s lying to you.

you are going to end up heart broken and you need to start looking for another job.